Want, Need or Can?

The other day a fellow was telling me what he needed. As it turned out it wasn't; what he really was speaking of were his wants.  He wanted the better car, or nicer home, or latest sound equipment. He didn't need it in truth. He had a good car, a comfortable home, adequate stereo system.

As commercials came on during the newscast, he pointed out a new TV he wanted.  “Now I can truly enjoy that if I had one,” he said. I indicated his current TV and reported it was serving him well; great picture; good sound; quite adequate picture size. He scoffed. “But the new flat screen is bigger, takes up much less space and has a better picture,” he claimed.

All true. The newer product has features that are new and improved from his current TV model. In itself, however, that does not define a need.  Just a want.

In another setting I was talking with a young man who struggled with a career decision. He could earn more money by making a job change but he wasn't sure he liked the duties of the new job. It would mean longer hours, a struggle to learn the new ropes and get along with a whole new set of people. The changes he needed to embrace were keeping him from making a decision.

The question is: did he need the new job? Did he need the larger income? Or did he merely want it? If so, why did he want it? Did the new job make him feel more valuable? Or did it allow him to live life on a higher level than his current circumstance? Which of these choices served himself and which served to elevate his sense of self in his surroundings? Are either important enough to be a ‘need’ as opposed to a ‘want’?

That question is personal either way. The value of either answer remains a personal matter having meaning only to the individual. No one else defines the appropriate answer.

On another plane we mortals encounter wants, needs and cans. We exercise options all the time although we aren't always aware we are doing so. Perhaps this quote from Workout Healthy sheds some light on what I’m getting at:

            “I didn't have the time, but I made time.

             I didn't have the knowledge, but I did what I knew.

             I didn't have the support, but I learned to support myself.

             I didn't have the confidence, but the confidence came with results.

             I had a lot going against me, but I had enough going for me.

             I had plenty of excuses, but I chose not to use any of them.”

Exercising options. Choice. Making good things happen. Solving a problem in my own life or that of the family, or the neighborhood or community. We do these things because why? Because we see a need to fill? Or is it because someone is hurting and we can make it hurt less? Or is it because we see something we might be able to do something about? Should we attempt it? Can we attempt it? Can we stretch ourselves ~ alone or in a group action?

Ought we to do these things? Must we do these good works?

Lawrence O’Donnell in a recent Last Word on MSN shared this with his audience:

“Frances Perkins was the first female cabinet member (US Secretary of Labor, 1933 to 1945); she ~

            Came up with Social Security,

            The 40-hour work week, and

            Overtime pay.

Your welcome, America.”

She accomplished much during a time of great suffering. She set a new standard of living for the rest of us long before our time. She didn't have to do these things, but she did. Why?

I’m thinking she did them because she could.

Someplace in her private thoughts the sense of ‘can’ arose. She could do something and followed through with appropriate action.

I’ve watched many people labor on in a job they do well but earn marginal income and benefits. They are capable of doing much more, much better. They lack the ‘can’ in their thinking. Once they realize they can do something, everything changes. New jobs open up. Higher incomes result. New horizons appear. The future becomes much larger.

We can each help others see the ‘can’ in their lives. Sometimes it needs just a nudge from us to help another person take a chance on themselves and stretch. They can do this for themselves. We can help them see it and take action. We do this because we can.

We don’t do this because we ought, must or need to. But because we can.

I close with a quote from Maya Angelou:

            “Be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.”

October 28, 2013