Children Learning

Fred Rogers of “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood” gave us today’s quote to ponder:

“It’s easy to say, ‘It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.’ Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.”

Heroes. Lots of them. You know them; perhaps you are one of them?

Look, I’ve always thought it funny that people claim they shouldn’t pay school taxes because they don’t have kids. What they forget, conveniently, is that their education, their schools were funded by a lot of people without kids, or people who had already had kids, paid for them, and now they are supporting grandkids in school.

Another argument for paying school taxes: the quality of life is defined by how well people adjust to their world, make sense of it, participate in it, and contribute to it eventually. All of that is a result of education; good education; and kids so educated are less a disruption on the streets, in your neighborhood, in schools, and society in general.

An ordered society is one in which each person feels connected and purposeful. Those at loose ends make for trouble! We’ve read about that for generations. No new research suggest we are mistaken.

Not long ago I participated as one adult among two with a youth Alcoholics Anonymous group.  We met weekly and the kids were mostly 16 to 18 years of age. They were there primarily because a judge told their parents either they enrolled their offspring in the AA group, or he would mandate by court order.  The kids came.

But they were there because they were told to be there. Also, alcohol was not the prevalent problem among them. No, drugs were the problem. Some had nearly died from overdoses – the warning signal that earned the youth attention.

Actually, the youth resented being in the group. They also felt drugs were their thing and they could take care of it. Alcohol was a companion behavior and not a problem to be eliminated.

Sticking around I listened. When that occurred they paid attention. They poured out their thoughts and feelings. They participated with depth and young wisdom. They acted as though no one had listened to them before. Especially adults, parents included.

I understand that. As a parent I didn’t want my children to have problems or get into trouble. That was for their sake and mine! Our experience was good. The kids evidenced very few problems and entered adulthood whole and functioning, able to take care of their own lives. We didn’t know this would be the result then; we could only hope. So parents are more hip to their own concerns and tend to miss listening to the kid.

That’s a mistake. They have lots to share with us. They need to share with us. They hunger to share. But when they are ignored time and again, they learn not to share and waste your and their time. So no listening pattern, no sharing pattern.

Fortunately there are those who care and do listen. Perhaps your child was lucky to have someone like that in his or her life. Perhaps at school, maybe at church, maybe a parent of one of their friends, or simply a good person who happened on the scene at exactly the right moment.

Fred Rogers got it right. That’s why he calls them heroes.

I don’t know who wrote this bit, but it could have been Rogers himself:

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest accomplishment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

It works miracles, just paying attention to the other person whether it is your child or not. It works for us, too. We hungered for attention, to be listened to, trusted and confided in. That’s how we learned to adapt to life. Through listening and talking with others. And being paid attention to, as well!

Think how you are listened to and how you listen to others.  Especially young people.

It’s not just for them. It is for all of us.

March 27, 2014