Yearnings

OK, I get it. Getting older means thinking backwards in time. Memories pop up unbidden. They are just ‘there’. And I either ignore them or think on them awhile. Some would say the latter is wallowing, but I deny that temptation! Yes sir! I vehemently deny that I wallow in pining about the past.

I admit thinking about the past at times. Yes; I wonder why I do that, but normally it is because I am casting about for answers to a problem or question that does not yield a handy answer.

There are times in our life that seem idyllic when I think back on them. I recall the struggles to complete my studies in college, so I don’t think fondly of the studies part or the deadlines! I do remember graduation day and the gathering of family members from afar to enjoy the festivities. And the sense of completion. And the ‘getting on with life’ sensation!

And yet there were many pleasant interludes during the college years. The friendships made that last even to this day. Not in contact with most of them still but a few remain. The rest I remember fondly and wonder what they are doing today and what did they do with their lives and talents? Those are nice thoughts but remain mysteries because we will never know what happened to them, will we? Not unless we pursue a vigorous line of seek and discover!

Flitting about in the mind are many memories that can be recalled but not many of them pull strings for me. The sense of yearning comes from another place in the mind. And that is what I want to address today.

Yearning. For what? And are those yearnings consistent and patterned?

If so, perhaps a clue persists that will tell us why we think in this way?

Memories from times past are rooted in meaning or significance. Such as – when you met your wife before you knew she would be your wife; or the college roommate that remained a friend until his death; or the seeking of core meanings that would guide your life for decades; or the sense of open, expansive opportunity to create new things that would anchor one’s life endlessly into the future; or yearning for calm, serenity, intellectual completeness, the ‘secret of life’ and whatnot. Oh the whatnot's! They figured large in the past – and still do! I’m still rooted in awe at the possibilities we could accomplish, and the good it would produce!  Just imagine it all!!!

Well. Time to come down to earth again. Always the reality, right? Always getting hold of one’s present and keeping grounded. The now and the reality of now.

What a bother! It is so much more fun to ponder what can be and then really try to make it happen. That’s what college did for me. That’s what seminary did for me. That’s what working with countless groups of people from countless diverse backgrounds did for me. It enlarged the mind and the sense of possibility.

Problems always exist: what to eat for supper; is there enough food to make a meal; will rent be paid on time, or the mortgage? Will we be able to take the trip we want so badly to do? Will the kids get through college successfully, and will they do so with their health and able minds enthused about the future? Will our jobs continue to excite us and fuel energy long into the future? Will life be pleasant or hard? Will life be productive or boring and ill-used? Will the big things in life be attempted and solved? Will we even encounter the big things and know that we are doing so?

Yearnings to know all of these things even while we are knowing them. We don’t always know that at the time, do we? No, we don’t.

Perhaps that is one of life’s secrets?

Many wise people in my life have challenged me to live on the edge at times; be vulnerable to failure and embarrassment and humility. Reach out as far as you can and experience that which you don’t know. Learn from that experience, that dissonance and discomfort of not fitting well. It informs you of things that are present in the lives of others all the time. And that should tell us something important. That we don’t know how others really live, or really suffer, or really experience joy.

Yearning  is a way of expressing ‘wanting to know’ about something or someone. To experience that ‘other’ is to yearn for it.

When were my yearnings large in my life? Are they still? Yes, they are. I yearn for peace among my communities, our nations, our people of America, of young people coming to know and experience life as adults in formation. I yearn for goodwill among us all so we can give space to yearn and be vulnerable and learn. And grow.

Especially to grow so we know we are able to live well with whatever we are dealt.

Today that is important. Live with what you are dealt. And yearn to learn how to do it. The essence of mankind’s journey from life to death is yearning for something that is good.

When will we know we have found it? Will we ever do so? And then will we be satisfied?

Hmmmm. Damn questions!

December 12, 2016