Facing Reality

The hot bath feels good. A plate of fettucine alfredo sates taste buds and the void in the stomach (even when there isn’t a void!). A warm breeze with just the right humidity – not dry as a dessert nor humid as Florida before a thunderstorm. Birdsong lilting from trees on high and down low on bushes. The purr of a cat. The soft mewling of a dog in slumber while dreaming.


These are comforting thoughts. They soothe the frets and worries of life.


The opposite is the many stresses and strains in life. Bills piling up. Cars and major appliances breaking down; to replace or repair becomes an often heard question.


Illness of own or others is another worry. Will this illness be weathered well and soon forgotten? Or will it be with me to the end of my time?


Have I saved enough money for retirement? Will I be able to live where I want to? Will my home be roomy and comfortable? Or will I have to settle for less? Will I escape winter weather, or have to hunker down to shoveling snow, de-icing walks, and otherwise hibernate for three months?


Will my kids grow up to use their education and build a life that is challenging, rewarding and motivating? Or will they dribble life away in one dead end job after another? Or waste money on drugs, booze and gambling? Will they take charge of their own life? How do I prepare them for that? How will they find their way in this world? Have I done enough to help them do for themselves?


OK, enough of this. Reality screams in our face daily. What we do with it is the main thing.


Facing the real things in our life is important. Escaping does no good whatever.


I’ve watched people self-medicate themselves into a rehab facility. It doesn’t much make a difference if the substance abused is food, alcohol or drugs. The damage done lasts a lifetime. The escape is but momentary. Soon enough the problem becomes crystal clear. The person either faces it and surmounts the troubles, or gives in once more time, self-medicates and essentially becomes a lost soul.


It doesn’t matter if native talents in music, math, science, writing or whatever exist in the person. The escape blots out all talent. Remember Tennessee Williams? A brilliant playwright and writer. Brilliant. Yet he was a drunk and a seeker of pleasure – sexual and otherwise – to the extent that he wasted much of his talent. So bad  that he choked on a simple meal and died.


Mama Cass died by choking, too. She was talented but addicted to food. It got her in the end. And prematurely.


Our social landscape is riddled with youth who are gambling their future through drugs and booze. Looking cool and feeling good robs them of their commonsense. Soon enough the escape is the only thing they are interested in. Without luck their lives ebb away all too quickly. And that’s only the young. What about the other age groups? Each age grouping of life is a phase each of us must navigate. All are challenges that could trip us up.


Do we face reality squarely and do constructive, logical things with it? Do we grow through this or are we stunted by the struggle? Are these stages of life motivators to create and thrive? Or are they hurdles to overcome by escape?  If escape is the chosen route, growth is stunted. Maybe even stopped in its tracks.


Reality is our friend. It is not always nice. But it is true. We must learn from it. Shielding people from the truth doesn’t help them. It only makes them dependent on you.


Codependency will suffocate such players. Examining reality and exploring its possibilities is a more fruitful tactic.


An example: mass illness ought not lead to panic buying of toilet paper. Or random foodstuffs. The current ravaging of grocery stores is pathetic. We are a better nation than this; or so I thought!


March 19, 2020

More Virus Issues

Several thoughts spring to mind concerning the coronavirus phenom:

1.      What effect on primary voting was experienced? Did voters turn out? If so, or not, what effect did this have on the results?

2.      What bad habits did we spot and eliminate from our lives?

3.      What good habits did we discover and adopt for our lives?

4.      Are we changing lifestyles to healthier ones? Are we happier and more rooted in the relationships that truly matter in our lives?

5.      Is the work we do for a living meeting our needs? This is a vision thing for our individual futures. What is important to us and does our employment integrate well with it? If not, what career changes need we make?

6.      Why should the government bail out the airline industry? They overcharge, cram their planes with too many people, have dirty air circulated for all to breathe during the flight. Why not just allow airlines to not pay their debt payments for 3 or 6 months without any penalty? No interest, no principle payments. The banks and loan guarantors would feel pinched for a short time rather than become the new owners of useless planes.

7.      Some congressmen think a $1000 one-time check to each person would help the country get over the negative effects of the coronavirus. Why do they think this is a good idea? Tell me exactly how this would help the nation and its people. Living costs are much more than $1000 per month; lost income will be much more than $1000.

8.      Quick trip to the grocery store for one can of coffee. Panic buying evidence everywhere; spooky empty shelves and stock ravaged and spotty. Eerie to the core. I thought our nation was educated and smart. I now have many doubts about that.

As I gaze out my home office window, the train station traffic is light and the parking lot barely used. street traffic is very light. The commuter trains are running but with what ridership? Schools are closed and kids are not on the sidewalks. Nor are school buses evident. Quiet has taken residency in our downtown suburban neighborhood.


Later today, we are likely to take a ride in the country. The gas tank is full. Our cupboards are fairly well stocked, so too the freezer. The only thing dwindling are adequate cleaning supplies. Or just let it be.


Meanwhile I’m writing blogs, keeping up with emails with family, friends and SCORE clients, keeping the apartment clean and tidy. Tossing junk is on the agenda. So too, naps. Such a good thing, naps.


Don’t scoff at these small rewards of life. One day you will treasure them. Maybe today?


March 18, 2020

Virus Ideas

Monday and Illinois restaurants and bars are closed to all except pickup and delivery of food products. Schools are closed. Any gathering above 100 is banned, and really even 50 is discouraged. We are told to wash hands, stay quarantined at home, walk outside for fresh air but away from other people.


The hope is to ‘flatten the curve’ of demand for healthcare services. In turn this will allow healthcare facilities to be able to handle an orderly number of cases without causing a shutdown.


In time many of us will get the virus. In isolation the cases are likely to be mild and not need medical attention. Only the severely affected cases will need and get hospital attention. And yes, some of these patients will die. It is inevitable but manageable. Harsh? No; realistic.


In the meantime, we each have the opportunity to use our free time fruitfully. Here are some suggestions if you have not yet thought of them:

1.      Clean your living space; vacuum, dust, tidy and wash floors. Then clean countertops and plumbing fixtures. How about those lamps and light bulbs?

2.      Clear out closets, drawers and cabinets of stuff you don’t use and never will. Then tackle your basement and garage if you have either or both. They likely are jammed with stuff you no longer need.

3.      Think creatively. About many topics. Maybe you’ve always wanted to write a particular essay, book or poem? Perhaps a book of poems? What is inside your head you need to order and express? This is a chance for you to poke into it and finally do something about it.

4.      Catch up on paperwork you have been putting off. Or at least dump paper files you no longer have use for

5.      Do your taxes if you haven’t already?

6.      Listen to music you haven’t experienced in a long while. Reconnect with this art form. Recall the moods and inner peace it helped you find in the past.

7.      Listen to one another. Start up a conversation about matters you need to discuss. Don’t put it off any longer. You have the time. Use it now for positive good. Make amends. Discover new depths of personality you never knew existed, or dared to express.

8.      Ponder your long-term future. Where are you headed? What do you want to experience, to do? Why haven’t you done so before now? What is holding you back? What course of action would help you move toward the goals you truly value?

9.      Calculate how you use your time. What isn’t getting done that is important to you personally? How can you organize your future time so you can focus on what matters and what doesn’t? Shed useless timewasters and commit to progress toward you goals.

10.   Sleep, nap and restore your energy. This alone will restore health and vitality to your life. Remember to drink lots of water and eat nutritious small meals.

Following those ten steps will likely find you healthier and happier at the end of the quarantine, and or illness. It is worth a try. You will appreciate it. And your loved ones will too.


March 17, 2020

Coronavirus

During my 76 seasons of life, normal has been disrupted many times. The most likely causes dealt with weather related happenings – severe cold temps, huge dumps of snow, violent thunderstorms, windstorms of monumental proportions, etc. – and we remember them well. It made us alter routines. That alone was memorable. The outcomes of such events were rarely disastrous. Yes, some folk suffered loss of home, auto, and temporary unemployment. Sadly, some weather crises cause death as well. But mostly we survived and continued our normal in time.


Severe economic downturns over the years have changed ways of living. Many of us have stories to tell about this. Also, health scares have dotted our experience from time to time. The Tylenol poisoning scare was one; it led to product packaging changes. So much so it is now difficult to open some bottles of pills, or food packages. We even have a strong plastic cutter for some packages!


Of course, there have been the polio scare of the 1950’s, bouts of German Measles, chicken pox, mumps and so forth. Recent years have been witness to strains of flu that have required immunizations to become annual rituals.


Now comes the coronavirus epidemic. It is a pandemic because of its rapid spread across entire nations and whole continents. Jumping oceans to other land masses marks the pandemic stage. We are there.


As I write this blog posting, it is a Saturday. It is 7:30 am. Hardly a car travels the streets and I am downtown in my suburb next to the Metra Station and City Hall and grocery stores. In the midst of a heavy traffic area, there are few people about. At times, none. A little spooky.


This past week I helped some friends with a family health crisis. We were in and out of the hospital daily for 5 days. They remain there. I have stepped away due to exhaustion. However, the hospital remains both an anchor for help in all times of emergencies, but also a contagion arena. Best to remain away if possible.


Doctors, nurses and all the support staff of our local hospitals, of course, work through their shifts to help others. They are our heroes and champions. They are on the front line of the pandemic defense line. Remember them and support them. They need our help.


Meanwhile, we can and should do everything to remain healthy and pandemic free. Wash hands; avoid crowded spaces. Remain home as much as possible. Keep in contact via electronic media. Listen to music, watch TV, and read books.


Re-learning how to relax is a good thing. This pandemic may have happy consequences yet. Just imagine a society calming down and personally at rest. Reading and contemplating never hurt anyone. Maybe we will discover a silver lining to this turn in history?


We can hope. And work for it.


March 16, 2020

Challenging Days, Continued

Well, the saga of a family falling apart continues. I'm in the middle of it but that will end today. Here's a recap:

Monday, the father falls and breaks his hip. Tuesday, underlying conditions make surgery dangerous. Wednesday, he improves, stabilizes and surgery to repair the hip is accomplished. Thursday, he begins the process of healing and therapy to learn how to walk with the new hip. Friday is today. If he does really well, he will be moved to a convalescent facility for more therapy and medical follow up for the surgical site. [His other conditions: liver and kidney function low; abdominal fluid collecting from unknown cause; emphysema and bronchitis]

Today is Friday of the same week. Patient's wife has been in my custody since all of this began. She is in stage 3 or 4 dementia. Cannot be left alone because she wanders and gets lost. Doesn't remember recent events or event a minute of the past. It's like being an adult friend to a very young child.

Yet, this same person has a fabulous and interesting life history. Her mind is beautiful and alive. She recounts the past richly, and it is a posh story. Robert Redford, Tennessee Williams, Harrison Ford, Roger Moore, Mary Tyler Moore, and so many other actor greats. The stories are truly memorable and factual. But dementia destroys her connection to today. Even her intellectual brilliance is special. She is a great conversationalist. But, once the conversation thread is broken, she doesn't know who she is, where she is, or what is happening.

An hour or two is quaint. four full days of it is exhausting. And I admit it; I am totally done in.

So, picking up the pieces, here is what needs to be done. The social workers at the hospital hasve worked on this case for two days now. The county social worker is now deeply involved. They are working to find a place for the patient - the father - so he can continue to heal from surgery while getting the physical therapy he needs to return to self sufficient life skills like walking, household chores, and caring for his wife with dimentia.

And the social workers are trying to find a place for the wife so she can remain with him. That is a very tall order. Most probably, she will need to go to elder respite while he is healing. That means she will be in a special medical facility apart from her husband.

Meanwhile, their 35-year old son is an alcoholic with underlying psychological problems. He is currently in a Chicago behavioral hospital for safe keeping. A daughter who knows this entire case, is a single mother of three, owns and operates two businesses, and is totally engaged and busy in her day to day existence. She does that well to the point of exhaustion. She cannot care for her mother because she is already caring for two businesses, the employees, and her three kids. All alone.

The daughter texted me overnight that she suffered a high blood pressure event and was hospitalized for that condition. She is a young woman who suffered a stroke in the recent past while delivering her last baby.

So, the toll continues. The family is fully using the social services network as explained above. There are three more adult children involved, but they refuse to be involved. And there resides even more of the tragedy of this American family. Where it all ends no one knows, of course. It is just another day in the life of a tragedy unfolding.

This is know: I will do my computer work, then shower and shave, grab breakfast and take the wife to the hospital to spend time with her husband. While there, I will turn her case over to the hospital social workers and arrange my departure from this case.

I will return home and attempt to reorder my life. I will also pray that this gifted family finds its way through this awful set of circumstances.

A passing thought worth stating: God bless medical workers who can and do work through this tragedy every day!


Meanwhile, a tired Samaritan wants his nap!


March 13, 2020

Days of Challenge

Monday started with picking up my friends at 7:45 am. We were due at the local hospital test lab for a routine blood workup to monitor the husband’s progress on various health issues. I pulled the car into a handicapped slot in the garage, and the husband walked into the building for the tests. His wife and I remained in the car. I told him, call me if you need me.


He did. The weak message: “I fell and can’t get up. Help!”


His wife and I jumped out of the car and entered the hospital. There he was at the information desk. On the floor, in a pool of urine. Several staff members surrounded him, a foot offered for a pillow for his head. ER staff were on the way.


I spoke with the desk staff. Everyone feared his fall to the hard floor may have broken his leg, or worse, his hip.


Carefully, they moved him to a backboard in screaming agony, then to a gurney, and finally he was led away to the ER. Wife and I followed with another escort.


In the ER the diagnosis was confirmed. Broken hip. He had to be admitted. An orthopedic surgeon would be summoned to schedule hip replacement surgery either this evening, or tomorrow. Meanwhile, painkillers were injected to make him as comfortable as possible.


The fall was at 8:09 am. ER was 8:15. He was moved to a regular hospital room at 11:15. His wife and I went out for a McDonald’s breakfast, pay the couple’s apartment rent, visit their apartment for a change of clothes and more personal effects, and then back to the hospital.


By 1 pm the patient was sedated and fed lunch. Exhausted we fell into chairs and tried to understand what lay ahead.


Many phone calls were made. Family members were called for action to help mom and dad at this special time. That was not easy to arrange. The kids were spread far, and some were not available to help due to illness, childcare issues, and employment obligations.


As the day moved along, the wife and I went to the hospital cafeteria for supper. Then back to the patient’s room. Daughter had arrived and was organizing things. I took his wife and headed for my home where she would sleep on our sofa and regain composure. And rest.


Complications exist. Of course. They just do as in most cases like this. A son has a history of alcohol abuse and is incapable of managing his own affairs at this time. Of course he called his dad; I answered the call, told him we were in the hospital. He needed money so he would not be living on the street. We couldn’t help. Somehow he found his way to his sister's home. She couldn’t help him because she was working and had small children to care for. Meanwhile, her mother (patient’s wife) has dementia and cannot be left alone. She wanders and doesn’t know where she is.


So we have a patient in hospital awaiting surgery, a wife with dementia needing constant supervision, a son in need of institutionalization, and the remainder of the family in despair wondering what to do.

Of course I brought the wife home so we could keep an eye on her.


We went to bed at 9 pm. Awoke at midnight with endless questions about where’s Dad, son, daughter, etc. It is now 1:45 am and I am writing this blog posting. I will publish it Thursday morning, two days later.


Today’s agenda is more sleep, breakfast, shower and shave, then on to the hospital. We will watch over the patient as he goes into surgery and recovers from it.


The road ahead is long. Where it will take us, we do not know.


We hope. And pray a little.


March 12, 2020

Markets, Viruses, Russia

A boogeyman does exist. It is Putin of Russia. Why? Because his nation is bankrupt and down on its international influence. The only thing he has is military materiel to cause mischief, and a supply of oil that is declining in value.


But wait. Market experts (oil pros) are certain he is pressing the global oil price lower to make it impossible and impracticable to mine oil from shale rock. The American resurgence in oil production has come mainly from shale oil production, aided by fracking wells. This fresh supply of crude oil has destabilized the world oil price.


Theory goes: destroy the price of oil by artificially lowering it, and the new American oil producers will withdraw from the market, making oil scarcer and causing the price to jump higher. With higher oil prices, Russia’s oil supply returns to as a world factor and earns Russia gobs of international monetary balances.


So, when the coronavirus has most financial markets spooked – supply chain interruption, absences in the labor pool due to illness, etc. – an oil market disruption complicates the mathematical probabilities and creates chaos. Just what Dr. Putin ordered.


Alas! Putin doesn’t understand the collaborative approach of western democracies. We work together for the good of vast numbers of people within and without our borders. Markets are calmed by thinkers with the credentials that matter. International diplomats reach out to one another and lead the way back to calm certainty. Leaders across the globe do the same.


Together we take a large gulp of air, exhale slowly, and realize all is not lost. All is, in fact, much the same, and now we get back to work.


There are fundamentals of life working among us. We need each other. We need each other’s goods, services and minerals to make the products we all need. We buy and sell these to each other. Economic transactions build and the world economy purrs along quite nicely.


The bullies in the classroom only have an effect on the classroom they are in. The rest of us are elsewhere and see him outside our influence. We go on with daily routines and careers. The day shapes up pretty much like all the days preceding it.


All is well in spite of bullies and power mongers. The people have the power. Always have. It is up to us to do our jobs and keep on doing what matters.


Franklin Delano Roosevelt said it best: “The only fear we have to fear, is fear itself.” And then, Winston Churchill went on to say, Keep calm; we will survive!


Good advice still.


March 11, 2020