Plays Well With Others

Driving down the road I saw a driver shake his head and fist. The one-finger salute flashed and then it was over. A moment of road rage but nothing happened. Another incident a few miles later; this time a reaction is stirred from the other driver. No fight, just mutual salutes of displeasure.

A radio program with a talking head created a stir for those needing their harsh views supported. This accomplished what? Perhaps more pointed views and self righteousness to bleed out into the rest of society?

Media reports acknowledge these developments and suggest at first they are phenomena, then the norm, and now the litmus test of normalcy. They become a measure of our times. But need they be?

The Internet has brought many changes to our culture, mostly for the good. These positives include wealth of information at our fingertips, historical facts pulled from the mist, maps of faraway places we didn’t learn in geography class, if a famous person were still alive, how something works (anything at all, really!) and so much else it’s hard to even categorize. If you can think of it you can Google it, follow the leads and research any topic under the sun. What a gift!

But some are not good such as:

• Competition for news; normally this would be a good thing, but wait…..
• Sensationalism on story lines to grab attention and gain website traffic
• Advertising ad nauseum, everything you can imagine and then some
• Opinions galore on every topic under the sun
• Comments invited on all news pieces whether they know anything or not
• Instant polls on countless subjects without accuracy or representativeness
• Expertise without any proof of same
• And on and on……

Freedom of expression comes easily to the web sites because contributors are mostly anonymous. This allows people to say what’s on their mind whether it is well thought out or not; more importantly, whether it is even factual: pure opinion or assertion; pure bigotry and prejudice; ugly actually; very ugly.

And this leads to bad manners, incivility and nasty behavior. There is no governor on this free flow of expression and behavior. People get away with this mostly. No one is holding them accountable. Some would say this is the ‘free marketplace of ideas’ but that’s putting a nice face on it. Bad manners are bad manners. No excuses.

Flipping the middle finger to anonymous drivers on the road, especially one heading in the opposite direction at a high rate of speed has little consequence. But it will in the end when road rage incidents become more frequent, when bad language multiples, when short tempered comments are hurled without presence of mind, and when unruly feelings and thinking overwhelms logic. Kids will be kids you say? So will adults act like kids?

The pendulum is constantly on the move. What swings one direction will surely swing back and justice may be played out, whether accurately or not, whether on target or not.

We all pay the price of incivility. The first thing that disappears is our ability to trust others; it gently erodes to the point that we are always on alert for ill mannered people. We don’t want to be misunderstood, so we may not say anything at all. Bad behavior runs amuck without control. And the rest of us begin to lose our freedom to interact as a result.

One of the most insidious fallouts is a weakened press. In a past not long ago we all relied on the news organizations of the major TV networks and large, regional newspapers. Their staff researched each story and cross checked the data and persons involved. Interviews were pursued to unearth the intent and meaning of events. Consumers of this news format came away better informed. They understood what happened and why much better than today.

Now we hear opinion on facts. We consume news hastily pulled together and commented on, not checked out or researched. And the pace of this dissemination of ill formed messages increases to dizzying speeds until we are left with general impressions which do not inform or help us understand. And the competition among the news outlets is only ratcheted up more. Where is the pendulum of reason in this instance? How will we begin to recapture the sense of trust and credibility we used to have in our news reports?

Maybe never unless each of us demands better news products.

I have come to the point of cancelling newspaper subscriptions. Not answering phone calls when caller ID informs me of disagreeable callers, turning off an offensive radio or TV news program, avoiding slanted magazines, and certainly sidestepping countless websites that have proven unreliable in the past. It is not easy discerning what is good and what is bad. It takes some time and experience. But the effort is worth it. My stress levels subside with less irritation.

Playing well with others has its joy. Getting along with people does not mean we have to be dishonest in our relationships. But it does require us to be careful on how we treat others. If we wish to be treated well, then we need to treat others well. It’s the Golden Rule in different language.  It’s also what goes around comes around.

Best we heed this simple message.

October 12, 2011