Days of Spring

This journaling task requires some discipline but at the same time provides enormous freedom to write on whatever topic comes to mind. That’s an awesome opportunity; it is also fraught with the burden of choice!

Like today. I've had a busy morning with a chamber of commerce board meeting (I’m secretary of the board and take the minutes and have other reporting duties), performed an errand for an estate I’m administering, returned home to change clothes and truck out to do the monthly grocery shopping. Beautiful day. Weather is outstandingly wonderful. Wafting breeze coupled with low humidity and temps in the 70’s. The sky is blue and small puffy clouds scud across the sky. Wondrous spring day.

Unloaded the van, stashed the groceries in cupboards and fridge and freezer. Rocky and I collected lunch and I wrote the chamber meeting minutes while the chicken pot pies were baking. After lunch of course required the daily nap. An hour of rest, calm, deep snooze. The dog kept me company – and warm! Such a peaceful time and scene.

Awoke to a good TV rerun of Castle. Now I’m running through emails, snail mail and of course writing this blog offering for tomorrow. A quick glance out the patio door to a summery day of mottled shade, early spring green vegetation and bird song among the lightly swaying tree limbs. Idyllic setting to write this piece.

So here I am attempting to settle on a topic. It is this process of settling that becomes the topic. We are conscious of ourselves from time to time during each day. Duties and activity normally shrouds our consciousness, however, because we aim to do a good job on whatever we are then doing.

When does consciousness of self occur? When we take a breath and sneak a break? When we realize what we are doing makes us feel good? If so we pursue the feeling and wonder why this particular activity conjures peace and warm feelings? We didn't start the day thinking we were going to do this. But here we are. Sharing an inner piece of our self with strangers. Why should that make me feel good? What is it that makes me feel free to share my inner thoughts with anyone?

Good question. Don’t know the answer. I just know if feel free to do this. At an earlier time of my life I would have dreaded doing this. I would have felt fear of exposure (maybe?). I might have felt at risk perhaps?

All I know is this is not risky business. It doesn't take courage to bare the soul. It becomes a need to bare the soul. Maybe not to strangers. That is most likely not the need. No; it is more like I need to bare myself to my self.

Getting to know me. Getting to understand me. Wondering about wonder and curiosity. It seems almost trivial yet somehow very purposeful.

I need to do this. It matters little if no one else reads these words. It matters only that I can say these things to myself and pursue what it means.

Not earth shattering. Not seminal. But necessary. And healthy.

Thanks for letting me do this!

May 16, 2013