Taking Care of You

Two plus two equals four. Similarly, one plus one equals two. 

I think I can draw another equation that works, as well. It is: one plus one equals community.

This may seem too simplistic to some people but the older I get the more I understand the wisdom of the equation. Underlying its genius is this simple fact: if we help another person we transform from an inner focused being to an external focused one. The more I do this the more I leave myself and troubles behind and can thus focus on the needs of others. As my service to others expands others join in and soon, very soon, the neighborhood, community and more get involved. The larger the circle becomes the slower the evidence rebounds to me, but eventually I see, hear and feel the difference.

It is not sudden. But in a way it is. What was once a sleepy little town is now a vibrant, involved and responsive town. Responsive to the needs of its residents. One person at a time. But the entire community feels the difference. It was not done by a corporation, government or organization. It started with one person and grew to many others. Voluntarily.

If we want to live in this type of community we have to make it happen. Each of us. It doesn’t happen automatically. It is easy, however. Noting something needs to be done and then doing it without asking. Just doing it. Like picking up litter. Or picking up someone else’s dog poo left behind and discovered as you walk your dog. Or maybe it’s pulling a weed from a public space and dropping it in a waste container nearby.

Little by little the public face of the community brightens. Maybe later a small group of gardeners decides to plant small gardens at the welcome signs at the town’s borders. Next they move on to public buildings with large flower pots and container gardens. Some groups have expanded their efforts to hanging flower baskets on light poles all over town. Eventually more people get behind the effort and soon a sustainable program is evident and receives broad public support and funding to keep it alive.

The town is not the only entity that brightens. People do as well. Individuals. Feeling better about their surroundings, their friends, even themselves.

Getting outside of the self is an important trip to make. As ‘distance’ increases the self is left behind along with its problems. New people are discovered. Also new feelings and meanings spring to mind. Working with others and focusing on their needs creates a new living space for the person. Soon a new world is discovered. As they return home they have fresh perspective on their old problems. Now they don’t seem so large and unsolvable.

Over the years I've worked with people with drug and alcohol addictions. Getting to know them I soon discover something I didn't expect: they are smart; all of them. Some are even gifted with superb intelligence, and many have talents of artistic importance. Something else: each of them is worth knowing.

They don’t know that about themselves. That’s part of why they became addicted – to escape from something they did not understand. Often the monster is amorphous and undefined. The mystery grows and the need to escape it expands, too. The addiction expands along with it.

The question: what could I do to prevent this from happening to these people in the first place. Is there anything I could do? Probably not. But working with others I might be able to prevent their eventual plight. For now work is needed to bring them back into a community of health. I think I can handle that with the efforts of many others, at least I can lend a hand in that effort.

Preventing the problem in the first place, how can that be done?

First we need to understand the sources of the problem, at least in general. Families of these folk are seemingly sound – stable incomes, nice houses and neighborhoods, good education systems available, etc. Problems emerge from parents constantly working outside the home with limited time spent with the kids. Families split by divorce and marital discord are a contributing factor in many cases. The kids, pre-teens and teenagers, are left on their own to amuse themselves. Some focus on school work and grades; others seek achievement in sports, scouting programs.  Too few consider exploring the arts but eventually they may. All too many, however, seek escape in cigarettes, and alcohol, looking cool and then being cool experimenting with drugs. Left on their own too long and their behaviors extend out of control into chronic substance abuse, crime and drug dealing.

To the outsider this appears as a criminal behavior to be relegated to the police and court systems. But I think it is behavior that can be reformed and avoided in the first place.

I may be over optimistic in this belief but I am hopeful that healthy communities can nip the problem in the bud.

A coalition of community forces is needed. Good recreation programs. Learning by doing endeavors, maybe exploring artistic outlets and expressions will help. Certainly part time jobs would help along with unpaid internships designed to tap the talents of young people and interest them in building their future plans.

We all grow up not knowing who we are and what we will be doing as adults. There are many dimensions that challenge this growth process. The largest challenge is not knowing. The huge void. Who will I become? What will I become? What am I to do with my life?

Assisting with those voids is the job of family and community. Healthy families and communities. Neither should be taken for granted. It will take more than a village to help with this task.

Families, neighborhoods, friends, schools, churches, park districts, libraries and charitable help groups will be needed. They always have been needed. Healthy communities know this. They work to make it happen. Together they work to make this happen.

Are we conscious of this need? Do we follow through to serve the need? Outside of ourselves?

We may just discover who we really are doing this work!

July 15, 2014