Thoughts on Being Gay

I hope I don’t bore you with this today, but gay is a subject that is with me 100% of the time. I don’t think about it that much, but I am gay so the subject is part of me. I see the world with gay as the background music so to speak!

Our dishwasher is on the blink. I called the property management service to report it and they sent an appliance repairman to assess the situation and help the apartment owner decide whether to fix or replace the 9 year old appliance. I suspect replacing will be cheaper and more effective, but due diligence on the landlord’s part is appropriate. At any rate we realize we will have to wash dishes by hand for awhile. (It's been a struggle, but we are relearning old methods!)

With that as backdrop we went out for breakfast. No fuss, no muss in the kitchen. And we do enjoy a good breakfast!

At any rate, as we were finishing our meal our waitress approached us and as we were joking with her, she told us her son is gay and doing very well. She appreciated our being open and out giving her someone to talk to ‘normally’. She related to us that she knew her son was gay at 2 years of age. Her instincts proved correct. Her husband left the family a few years later and even changed his name because he didn’t want to be associated with a gay son!

Her family has been associated with conservative Christian churches over the years. Her son had a difficult time in school and church circles when he entered puberty. But he remained out and proud of his individuality. He had the full support of his mother and the family has remained vibrant and intact minus the father. She is well adjusted and laments only that America’s public discussion is so vitriolic regarding gay matters. She notes improvements and hopes the gay marriage issue is settled with the pending Supreme Court decision. The minority of society will eventually catch up with the the majority who accept gay marriage and gay people in general.

It is not often that people discuss these matters with us. Our friends, neighbors and church members are well aware of our being gay. I hope they see two normal old guys living life as best they can with honesty and openness. We are involved in the community and lend a helping hand to many people and programs in town throughout the year. We are well read on current events and seek facts and meaning in the mundane. We are involved, caring and loving citizens. I think we are a credit to our community. At least I hope so.

But people don’t talk to us about gay things. Sometimes we joke with them with healthy laughter. Puns aplenty, don’t you know! I think we are well accepted and don’t cause anyone embarrassment by just being us. Things are good in these ways.

Where things go wrong is the public discussion in the media. News programs seem especially inept at handling gay issues. Politicians are the worst. They seem to seek disagreement for issue generation and attention rather than understanding and accommodation. They are manipulators in the main. Even whole states seem to try to set their identity to being pro or anti-gay. Think Texas here. Also, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida (of all places!), Georgia and North & South Carolina. Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, too. The southern states. Anti-gay. Why one can only imagine. It really is not about religion. They make it seem so, but really now; the Christian debate over homosexuality is settled. The Bible is not anti-gay. Neither are most Christian denominations. Even the Pope is trying to change the stance of his church regarding acceptance of gay people.

About time! We American gays have access to specialized news services that keep tabs on what’s happening throughout both the nation and the world regarding gay rights and attitudes. It is depressing a lot of the time to realize so many people really do hate you without knowing you. It is more depressing to realize that the very institutions you have loved and supported most of your life are greatly ambivalent about my gay rights. My churches have been that way. So too my colleges and universities. Even my government seems mostly not to care. And of course there’s Congress – the greatest cesspool of non-thinking well-educated idiots in our national history. Unthinkable! Embarrassing. So unloving and uncaring they are.

Gay folk live with this crap all the time. It wears on them. But we do realize it is getting better. Much better. But please, the battle is not yet won.

I know that women must feel looked down upon. I've never fully understood that, but know it is a reality. So too African-Americans, immigrants, Hispanics and anyone who doesn't appear to be native born. What a crock. Being different is OK. It is the power to the greatness of America. Diversity and welcome. It is the welcome we need to work on even for us native born gay people! And everyone else!!

Being gay is OK. It has been a journey and often very difficult. But it has blessed me with the power of observation and the motivation to write about it and many other things.

Being gay is my strength. It has taught me to appreciate life in ways I couldn't have imagined. Insights are plentiful because of the dichotomy I live with every day.

So I’m grateful. And happy. Struggling, of course, but happy.

I hope you are too!

May 1, 2015