To Comfort Rather Than…

The phrase is fully this: “To comfort rather than to be comforted…” and it is a part of the Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi. Take a fresh view of the prayer in its entirety and relish the rich sentiment, call to service, and power of guidance in your life. And others.

The latter is the point, really. Focusing on others and their needs does two things instantly: first, it allows you to forget yourself, at least a little bit; second, it envelopes you as a constructive power in the life of another. It is practical. Learning what the other’s need is in the first instance, and then understanding the environment of the need (what complicates it and makes solution so difficult), and finally pressing forward toward creation of a solution.

The comfort of the other person can come only after all of that is done. Even if the basic need is not solved, the person knows he is cared for and comforted by your attention. That alone is a healing balm. That alone…..

Wherein lies the power of the prayer itself. The prayer calls us to be unselfish, to direct our energy towards all the ‘others’ in our midst. It is this community that heals our own ailments.

The beginning of the prayer is this seemingly simple phrase – “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace!”  The request is not – “Help Me!”, but rather let me help you bring peace to others. The transformation is only partly ours alone; the full metamorphosis is up to God.

I was in a discussion group the other day focusing on this prayer. We do so once each month. We read the prayer together, then take five minutes of quiet, private meditation, and finally open the discussion. It is interesting how most of us focused on our own need first but then admitted wonder at the otherness we were pulled toward. It seemed almost a universal point among us all.

Well, that’s the point, really, isn’t it? Being pulled out of ourselves and away from our own problems. Helping others does that. Comforting them does that. But it also comforts us in the final analysis. Surprising us in the process.

My life is much more peaceful today than it has been in all the previous years.  Oh, I still get upset and crotchety when driving a car! The idiots that we each suffer! Unthinking drivers prove the point that selfish living is dangerous living. Lane crossers, unsignaled turns, sudden braking to correct their route, and all the other nonsensical antics drivers do.

I used to say – “If you can’t be kind to fellow drivers, you can’t be kind to yourself.” And then I’d swear, pound the steering wheel, shake my fist at the other driver and in other ways make a nuisance of myself. I add that I also scared my passengers to death with my outbursts! But then, you knew that, didn’t you?

We can laugh about it now. But road rage, irksome drivers, all of that is constantly with us reminding us that we are easily affected by their unthinking selfishness. In that moment, however, it is not we who need to be comforted, but the irksome ones who caused the upset in the first place.

Yep. That’s the upside-down nature of life. To heal the other heals me. Cause, effect, result. Pretty simple, really.

Still, I get upset. If only I had a heat seeking missile installed behind my bumper. Now that might work. But only for an instant. And I’d still be upset.

No, peace resides elsewhere. It is we who have to find it. In the oddest places, and people!

August 5, 2015