Getting to Know You

Besides the old song, the phrase – ‘getting to know you’ – speaks of a process by which each of us lets bits and pieces of ourselves free into the atmosphere for others to capture, see, wonder about and understand us. I observe/hear/feel the bits and pieces let loose by another and that helps me build a ‘picture’ of the other person, a picture that helps me know who the other person really is inside them.

I’m hoping others receive my clues, too. This is a two way street.

At some point two people may choose to engage in conversation to expand their understanding of each other. Good friends do this in stages over the years. Sometimes the process is fast; other times it is very slow. At whatever pace the process does unveil who we are to each other.

We not only know what makes us friends, but we also realize the commitment we have to each other. We can rely on each other. Someone in your family – near and dear to you – dies and who is the first person you turn to for a hug, a tearful sharing of the grief, and calm recollection of memories of the deceased. That friend may actually help you through the process, cooking dinner, watching the kids as you go about the many legal steps now required of you. Compassion, caring, knowing. That’s what friends do for you and with you.

And of course it is naturally returned by you or me when the situation is reversed. We help them and it is so very natural. We don’t even think of the sacrifices involved, the changed schedules, added errands with the car, and house duties. It comes with the territory. It is an honor to do these things for our friend.

Later as we relax, we each know the reward of such friendship. It is deep. It echoes within our being, maybe even our soul. At times such as these we realize how important our life is when it is in relationship with other valued souls. We are not alone. We have support. We are invested in each other’s lives and that makes a house a home, a neighborhood a real community, and a community a treasured place we deeply identify with.

There are those who pooh-pooh this. I know, I know. Cynics abound; until it happens to them and they suddenly get it.

I was talking with a commercial real estate professional the other day. She is working closely with a worn out old city community; not huge, but still a regional power. It has history, and now, with tremendous ethnic diversity, it has importance in piecing together a new future for an important region outside a major US metropolitan area. She is working hard to rebuild excitement in the downtown blocks and bring back businesses long missing from the scene. Office space is what the buildings are now used for, for small and medium companies that have little or no retail role. So people don’t throng the sidewalks to window shop or even better – buy something. Parking is plentiful but it does require leaving the car a few blocks from primary destinations. That’s good. They will have to walk past many other stores and offices and observe the excellent goods and services now available in town.

The very action of parking and walking is an act of involvement with the community. It has social significance. It increases the foot traffic on the sidewalks, and others notice. More people join in and soon a sleepy, down at the heels block or two are revived. This is how communities revive themselves. They bring in small businesses and shops. They create excitement. They present a reason for being downtown. And to walk the streets and shop the shops, and of course, interact with each other.

The social fabric is being rewoven. And the results are palpable.

There are many old and shabby ‘central’ cities in our nation. Many are considered suburban, but that’s OK. It is valuable for such communities to discover their new identities in new commerce, new products, new services and entirely new personalities. The brave new world beckons. It takes nerve, guts and dedication to follow the dream. Besides this suburban location answers the needs of those who don't commute large distances for work, or for those who do commute into this regional hub instead of to the metro center. These commuters have needs as well and they may find them in the renewed downtown.

It is worth it when the community stands firmly on its own two feet, links hands with other supports, and breathes new life into old infrastructure. A community's soul is reverberating again. It tells us of new life in old places.

New life. New people. New traditions and a fresh chapter of history to build.

That is the face of opportunity. And it starts with getting to know you, and you, and you. The we comes naturally.

Now, all together in a rousing chorus – “Getting to Know You, getting to know all about you…..”

January 8, 2015