Being Hard on Yourself

We blame ourselves for a lot of things – forgetting an appointment, saying the wrong thing, hearing something incorrectly, then responding with an inappropriate comment, wondering if we did right enough for the kids growing up, planning well enough for the future. The list goes on and on. We second guess ourselves and think about doing it better now if we had the chance.

First, second guessing one’s self is good only for informing the self and improving upon it in general. It is not the second chance, and we rarely get one. But we do have the rest of our lives to live, and thinking through our faults, being humble and in touch with our real selves, that is a good exercise and prepares us for a better life ahead.

Second, we have many family members who feel it is their business to point out our faults. It comes with the territory of family. Don’t give me a ‘tsk, tsk’, you know I’m right. The real challenge is not returning the favor!  Bite your tongue. Keep peace. Move on to something else.

Third, if the ‘second’ continues on and on, tell the offending family member, and leave them alone. It is their problem, not yours.

Fourth, do the same with others in your life. If you have negative friends and colleagues, it is better to avoid them entirely. If that is not possible, you have to weigh the pros and cons of solving the problem or ignoring it. I call these people toxic. I have learned the hard way that some of these folk are impossible to deal with. The best tactic is to ignore them. Some of our colleagues and family connect with the toxic folk; in that case, avoid social gatherings involving them.

Life is so much better and controllable if we jettison the toxic influences on our life. Like the television and radio news. Much of it is negative, manipulated, and downright false. If you know this for certain, turn off the news and use the time for something more productive. If you don’t know it is false information, research it and learn for yourself. This is called discernment. It takes effort and time to fulfill it.

I guess age does have advantages. We gain perspective with the passage of time. We see and ‘understand’ the context of things better. And we have distance to use for protecting our calm. Our serenity.

In this chaotic news environment – history being made, really – we need all the help we can muster to remain calm.

And carry on!

April 11, 2018