Did you know that 40% of homeless youth are LGBT? The #1
reason they’re on the street is family rejection? [LGBT = lesbian, gay,
bi-sexual, transgender]
Did you know that over 33% of youth suicide attempts are by
LGBT youth? Compare that with the faulty statistic that from 2% to 10% of the
population is gay. Truth is, no one knows what percent of the whole are gay.
There are no reliable data that consistently shows this figure. Best guess is
5.5 to 7%. Yet suicide attempts are 5 to 6 times higher than gays are prevalent
in the population. Powerful statistic even when made conservative!
There are many people who feel bullying is not a gay
phenomenon. I agree that bullying is not limited to gay kids; it occurs
whenever someone gets power over someone different than himself. And by the way
bullying is not limited to situations involving youth. Bullying happens among
spouses, co-workers, neighbors, strangers. Bullying happens in many families.
And most turn their heads from the problem. Why? Your answer is as good as
mine. Shame? Embarrassment? Powerlessness to stop it?
Sexual identification happens to each of us. It is a process
of psycho-social growth and awareness. It is biologically driven. It happens during
the youthful years of 11 to 15 normally, but can occur earlier and much later.
But happen it does.
The process is often subtle; awareness grows slowly and is
mixed in with a lot of other life changes, experiences and drama. Good Lord!
Remember your early teen years? Recall all the happenings of the time? Pimples?
Dating. Body changes. Physical urges we only later realized were sex related.
Feverish temperatures that changed in a flash? Eyes zeroed in on the body parts
of other people? Without agenda? Without forethought? It was just there? What
was I thinking? What was happening? Am I a pervert?
No, just a young person growing into his body and skin.
Maturing in fits and bits seemingly without design or schedule. If someone is
in control it certainly isn’t me! Remember those times? Take some moments to
recall them. We can remember them with more confidence and comfort now; but not
back then. Those were weird and exciting times. Not understood. Didn’t know if
it was supposed to happen or not. Was it normal?
Now think about it in a different mode. You ARE different
than everyone else around you. You are not feeling the same things they are. I
am out of synch with them. And I have no one to turn to for questions and
answers. My parents would be freaked out by the questions. My brother and
sister wouldn’t understand. My best buddy wouldn’t either, or would he? Can I
chance it by asking him/her?
Now you know in a tiny way what it is like to grow up gay in
America .
There is no manual for any one of us while growing up. There are people who
think they know what we are going through, but actually they don’t; only I know
what I am going through at any one moment. Same with other people. And it is
very private. It is very alone. And scary. “All alone am I……”
Sandra Bullock said this:
“There’s no race, no religion, no
class system, no color, nothing, no sexual orientation that makes us better
than anyone else. We are all deserving of love.”
I love her words, her sentiment. She brings it home to the
central point. We are all worthy of love, in both directions: loving another
and being loved. These are not simple matters to deal with, however. And when
society gets involved the brew becomes much more complicated. Automatic pilot
in interpersonal relationships doesn’t work in these situations. It requires us
to be thinking and feeling at the same time. We can do this very well. We have
proven that many times throughout our individual lives. They are our high
points ~ when we are very well connected with what’s happening around us.
But so often we are not connected. Things happen. We may be
in proximity to the happenings, or not. We are not aware of what’s happening.
We cannot be connected at all times. Unfortunate things happen. Bullying
happens without resistance from others. Parenting needs are required when
parents are not on the scene. We are on our own. And what happens. The not so
subtle occurs. Discrimination. Hurt. Not understanding.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said:
“To be yourself in a world that
is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest
accomplishment.”
Yes, a real accomplishment. Growing up different –
Afro-American, Asian, Hispanic, young or old, rich or poor, gay or straight –
in what we think is an homogenous society is a challenge. For the most part we
do it; we get it right. Not without pain and a lot of anguish, but time and
love and family and friends working on it get it right in the end.
That’s the good thing to realize. The bad thing ~ some
people never get the chance; it’s over before they….
July 16, 2012
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