Marriage Equality

Straights versus Gays. Marriage or not; maybe domestic partnerships? Does one hurt the other? Or not?

I think Americans generally agree that gay marriage does not hurt straight marriage. I think most Americans support equal rights for gays. Period. No hesitations or conditions. 

I think this is true because it seems most people now understand that gay people are just like them but are wired differently in their sexual attraction. And that difference is not learned but is natural from birth. Speaking as a gay man I know it was natural for me, something I was born with. I didn't like being different from others, especially my school chums. I worked to suppress my natural thoughts regarding sex.  For many, many years.

As puberty roared through my consciousness I suppressed all the more! I was programmed not to accept this in my life. I dutifully worked to live accordingly. I got married, had children and lived the American Dream. And it was good. Just not perfect, nor natural. As time went on the pressure was enormous. Finally I broke and experimented. Along with it tons of guilt.

And so in time our marriage crumbled. This was not desired but inevitable. After the divorce I experimented openly and vigorously. And found a soul mate. Tested many relationships but focused on one. We are together now 14 years and had a commitment ceremony 8 years ago.

This line of events did not destroy a marriage. It led to a committed, monogamous relationship as close to marriage as possible under the law. The first marriage was destroyed because of a prior condition society did not wish to acknowledge.

Meanwhile marriages are entered into and dissolved daily among the heterosexual population. They build and destroy their own marriages without any help whatsoever from gay people. And gay people want what straights have – legally binding, socially correct marriages of long term.  There is no indication yet that gays can do a better job at marriage than straights, but then again I doubt that will ever be proved. After all, people are people whether gay or straight.

When I hear ‘testimony’ from the Family Research Council, or National Organization for Marriage (NOM), Focus on Family or any of the other conservative, evangelical lobbying groups, or religious spokesmen like Pat Robertson, I cringe. I hope that no one takes them seriously yet I know otherwise. If no one took them seriously then why is there so much resonance from state legislatures and Congress to follow their lead to restrict gay rights, gay marriage, and all the rest of their nonsensical agenda?

The blurring of state and religion has done much damage in our nation. It confuses people into thinking that the state controls religion when it in fact does not. Religions are not taxed, are given great freedom of expression and action. They are taken seriously by officials in our state and national governments. Religions can ask their followers to do just about anything as long as it is legal behavior without interference. It is up to the followers to follow, of course. And I guess that’s what bothers me the most.

Followers do follow. And they get upset when others do not, whether they are among their religious sect or not. They begin to think that all people ought to behave as they do and ask their legislators to make it so in state law. Even Congress is pressured to follow suit.

What amazes me is that so many congressmen and state legislators do follow suit. What are they thinking?

If a person finds homosexuality discomforting, so be it. Excel in your discomfort. Really get into it. But leave everyone else alone. They can comfort or discomfort themselves without your help!

Meanwhile, intelligent people research the issues and begin to fully understand what gender is all about and how sexual attraction functions. It is not something the person invents. It is innate. Scientists tell us this is so. Don’t believe this point and wish to believe a priest, theologian or pastor? You are free to do so.

What you are not free to do is legislate your religion so others not of your mindset must follow your rules. Those rules are yours to follow, not for others. Live your own religion and belief structure. Let others do the same with their own beliefs.

Marriage is both a religious rite and a state contractual instrument. The two are not the same. Let churches do their thing as they wish. Let the state do its thing. For the rest of us, live your own life as the American Constitution provides.

Leave the nut cases to live in their own imperfect worlds.

Marriage equality and gay rights are here to stay. It is just a matter of time.

July 2, 2013