Catching Glimpses

Are you an empathetic soul? Do you feel what another feels? I don’t mean sense what another is feeling but actually feel what they are feeling?

No, probably not. Maybe you do sense their feelings, but not in the full spectrum.

Someone asked me how I was doing the other day. He is aware of our particular difficulties and knows our journey is difficult. He knows we are frustrated. Even demoralized. But then he sees us smile, laugh and move on with life. So he wondered if we were doing OK or not. Hence his question.

My answer? A mixed response. We are OK. We hurt, of course, because we are still seeking a new home. Nothing much is happening on that score. Each move we take is trumped by a negative and we remain in the same position: looking.

Lesser options exist. That’s when the demoralizing happens. Ugly neighborhood. Aesthetic wilderness. High traffic and noise. Commercial neighbors. Institutional. Noisy building. Smells. Cranky plumbing. Bad parking, all outdoors and in the open to snow, ice, rain and…  You get the picture. Would you jump at the chance to move to a home just described?  I thought so!

Well, there is more to life. There are people, faith, spirits, each other, our dog(!) and the interests of the inner mind. We are busy. We look outwards. We seek the company of others and the activities that fuel our thinking, ideas, purposes of life, and all of that.

There are dimensions of living that are exquisite. They tantalize and beckon exploration. They provide the zest. Like humor does, we are drawn into more participation in the broader milieu and laugh. We taste the zest. It is free. For each of us. Unless the way is blocked by troubles that distract us.

Yes we are distracted but not for long. Maybe this is a human defense? Who is to know for certain?

Sharing time with someone over a cup of coffee or lunch is a time to connect. With them. Their life and struggles. The puzzles they are working on to settle, make sense of. At those times we may ‘catch a glimpse’ of what it is to be them.

Catch a glimpse? It may be a slight buzz we hear or feel, but it signals a vignette not our own. It is theirs. I may have just spotted a tiny speck of their inner life. Not completely in view but just a tiny snippet.

Is this empathy?  I’m not sure this counts as such. It is a start, though.

Understanding another person’s situation as though it is ours. That’s a good definition of empathy. There are other dimensions of course. We can tap those later if needed.

Through the eyes of others we understand the world. Through our own eyes we think we understand the world. But we don’t, do we? Our own experience is but one dimension. Understanding the world requires depth and breadth of experience, and that requires us to remove ourselves from ourselves.  We need to ‘step out’.

Experiencing life as others may experience it. That is the goal. It pulls us out of our own shell and base of experience, at least a little bit. The more we do this the more we can shed our skins of inner awareness. They are barriers to seeing the world as others see it.

Think about that. We have filters that are supposed to help us see things more clearly but in truth they bias the reception! The view is skewed and we not only see things unclearly, but we probably see things that are not there!

How then do we understand the plight of another and help them?  How do we construct and design programs to assist whole population segments that need society’s help? With unemployment, health crises, natural disasters that destroy homes, livelihoods and entire lives? How do we understand these things unless we are inside of those people living through the chaos?

Think of Hurricane Sandy and her aftermath on the East Coast last year? Think of Haiti’s continuing struggle to recover after its disastrous earthquake more than four years ago? And flood victims, Katrina’s communities? Forest fires, drought, scourge, whatever? Imagine what it is like to live in the Sudan? Or Libya, Syria, Lebanon, Israel or even Egypt.

Then move your focus to modern day America and sense what life is like in a home where unemployment and ill health have controlled a family’s existence for 4 years. What must it be like?

If we don’t know, or don’t even try to find out, then we can’t even begin to fix problems or address needs.  We do not know them. We cannot understand them.

This doesn't mean we don’t try. We must try. Our entire history is built on traditions of values that require us to try. These attempts are not free. They cost money, time and other resources. But it is in our social DNA to try. To feel. To empathize.

Are we up to this task? Do we all need to be hurting before we get back to the business of helping others in their hour of need?

If we don’t, what does that mean about our own lives and well-being? Are we being fully human?

Now there’s a challenge for public servants to conjure!

January 20, 2014