Addictions

I have spent six years in a 12-step program. So far quite successfully. It is Alcoholics Anonymous. I understand the need for anonymity for many people, but I entered this program to become and remain sober. I wanted to be held accountable. So anonymity is not my thing. I have to be careful, however, for the interests of others in the program. They may wish or need anonymity. If I give up mine, they may be known by keeping company with me! So I’m quiet about AA for their sake.

AA works. I had lived a life as an openly gay man in a very public setting. I know people do not understand the gay thing. It’s OK; it took me decades to understand it, too. So I don’t hold it against others if they don’t get it.

Anyway I ran for city council, won and served a full four year term. I ran for re-election but I was ill (emphysema, COPD, atrial fibrillation, and severe apnea). I exacerbated these conditions by smoking heavily and then losing control of my drinking. I abused alcohol for about 5 years as best as I can recall. Most people didn’t know I had become dependent on alcohol, but I had. And I believe I that happened because I found it difficult to live in the proverbial ‘glass house’ of public life while being gay. I felt the whispers behind my back rather than hearing them. I knew the re-election results had been skewed by a whisper campaign but I felt if the voters were dumb enough to think being gay had a negative effect on my service, then they didn’t deserve the commitment I made to them in the first place.

Since losing the election I focused on my health, and that included breaking the two addictions: smoking and drinking. I did that in early 2006 and never looked back.

The AA program has guided me to a healthy new reality. I am calmer, better adjusted to whatever life asks of me, and a clearer thinker and writer. I get a major boost from creative endeavors. I believe in community and the value of shared life experiences with family, neighbors and other residents of the community. I have this deep belief that we can solve any problem we encounter as long as we work together. These beliefs make it a pleasure to awake each day and see what the day has to offer.

Always a hard worker and a sense of personal responsibility, I’ve made it my mission to accomplish two things: first, to be of use; second, to live up to the epitaph – “It mattered that he lived.” These two goals are at the heart of the old time American protestant ethic. And that’s what I am: Congregational (now called United Church of Christ). Oh I’ve belonged with Presbyterians and Lutherans as well, but it is the open theology of Congregationalism that still captures my heart and soul!

AA has allowed me the freedom to pursue serious thinking on what my life is about, who I am, what I have yet to accomplish, and why it is worth the effort to attempt it. Basically, the longer I live, the more I realize that life is meaningful because of what we do with our time and talents, not the stuff we accumulate. In fact, the fewer our assets, the richer life becomes. Is.

I know that sounds like a cliché. But some are so true, it is why they are a cliché!

There was a time not long ago when I felt no joy. I was conscious of the condition. I didn’t smile or laugh often. I tended to spend the day reading, sleeping or whatever kept me in the house. I became something of a hermit. But then I returned to active volunteering. With that came interaction with people and a return of joy.

I have earned my stripes of belonging to my community. I care about it, work for it, donate time, effort and talent to it. I expect nothing in return. Oh, maybe camaraderie, and a deep sense of home. That I feel. That is my reward.

I have spent many years on the board of the local chamber of commerce. I am an elected commissioner on the local park district board. I’m on the board of the town’s art council, and I serve as the managing editor of the local newspaper. I helped found both the art council and newspaper. I’m trying to create a community family chorus. I’m active in my church.

I may be retired, but I’m not defeated or uninvolved.

During this time of my life I am building a relationship with my two granddaughters, and breathing fresh life into my relationship with my daughter, son and their spouses. Life is good. And it is not over. Yet. And that’s a good thing.

January 15, 2012

Life Changes

Some of you are aware that Rocky and I weathered some major life changes in the past two or three years. Rocky’s employer closed its doors after 30 years, Rocky being there for the entire ride. That left Rocky without employment, health insurance or a pension at age 64.5. He got thru the pension thing by retiring and taking Social Security. We cut living costs. We managed to tough it through until Medicare took on health coverage.

Meanwhile I had three health issues combine at the same time and I entered a period of ‘disability.’ Being self employed that also meant unemployed. I used my SEP-IRA funds to pay living expenses and pay down debt so we could transition to my Social Security benefits, too. More cost cutting followed.

We changed out my high cost car and went with a used Ford. We took a federal modification of the mortgage and lowered that monthly cost. We talked to our doctors and they cooperated with fees and medication choices so we are both at lower cost.

Still the pinch is on. We barely have enough income to cover expenses by month-end, and have done the dance of food versus meds often! We are not alone. Millions do the same each month. Along the way Rocky sold his car so we are now managing with one.

Thursday we visited an elder apartment complex and applied for a low income slot. We are on a waiting list. The apartment is fine: 1050 square feet, two bedrooms, one bath. Heat is included as is garbage, water and sewer. No property taxes. No HOA dues. Packaged phone/cable TV is provided at low cost with upgrades as we choose and can afford. Electric is on us but air conditioning is limited.

Here’s what we have to adjust to: no garage, no gas stove, no private laundry, small kitchen with no dinette area; living room and dining area are small and combined; limited storage. But the complex is only five years old and in great condition; 105 units with 125 residents. All 62 or older, much older.

We would also be living in Bartlett, not Warrenville. I would have to give up my seat on the Park District board, but we would continue with the Chamber of Commerce, the newspaper, church and Arts Council involvements.

Rocky may receive free studio space in exchange for teaching ceramics to residents and sharing his equipment. Meanwhile I can continue to write my blog, and find new volunteer outlets in what will become our new community.

None of this is decided. Actively considering and on the waiting list. We may find another alternative.

Changes. We all go through them. Some we plan; others we do not. We adapt and move on. We learn from this, too. We expand and grow even while cutting back and downsizing. It is all good in one way or another. It need not be unpleasant or fearful.

We would rather be doing this in Warrenville where we know lots of people and are well integrated with community life and rhythm. We will continue to be involved, but there will be changes: lessening and slowly pulling back.

Why don’t communities understand that alternate housing is needed by some of their people? And that it is good if the need is addressed?

January 14, 2012

What We Think Matters

I’ll continue on the political ideology discussion begun in yesterday’s blog.

There are three camps evident in today’s political discussion.

First are those who are anti-government; they believe government should be as small as possible so it doesn’t get in the way of people living their lives. These folk also don’t trust government. They fear it will remove wealth, power and freedom from the people. They distrust the machinery of democracy as too oriented toward compromise, which by definition, is a muddling or lessening of the purity of two opposing principles.

Second are those who believe in government and support its authority to manage key areas of public life to ensure quality of life for the common good. They generally do not fear government authority, nor are they likely to clearly see government size as a threat to their freedom.

The third camp is the moderates between the other two camps. This group borrows from the other camps in order to build a working mechanism through which the public’s work gets done. They seek compromise; they see this as a basis of daily operations which allows needed work to be done.

If any of these three camps are left to operate without limits, government and social policy making would become unwieldy, impossible to manage. Some would argue that condition already exists and I would agree with that. Do we ignore the condition or do something about it? I argue we should do something about it so we can get back to work.

We currently have gridlock in federal and state seats of government. Key decisions are not made or delayed at length until crisis forms. Lurching from one problem to the next creates more chaos that only exacerbates the difficulty to govern in the first place.

The public has work needing to be done for it. That is the role of government. So we need to find the means to respectfully disagree with one another but still get the work done. That requires compromise. Whether for the long term or short, we must be willing to give a little to gain a lot.

We have established that government has a legitimate role to fulfill. What we haven’t established are the limits to that role. I propose we develop a working agreement on those limits for the short term so that we can continue the work of government. Contemporaneous with that agreement and on-going work, the discussions pertaining to purer matters of political science should also continue but in a setting of serious study, academic grounding, and documentation. These two areas of activity serve both the intellectual needs as well as the practical operating objectives, without losing sight of each other.

Our nation’s founding fathers were able to do this work under very stressful circumstances. We should be able to weather the stress better than they and do just as good a job. It will take patience, civility and interpersonal trust.

It also requires leaders who are selfless and rooted in fact.

I believe healthy discussions build strong nations. Such discourse sincerely seeks understanding of all points of view on the table. It also seeks to build trusting relationships among conversants. As the methodology of the discussions progress ideology will unfold with proper fact and logic. Delineating key points of each ideology should allow ability to apply the ideology in a manner which allows other ideologies to co-exist. The struggle among the ideologies is healthy as long as it does not block others to exist or accomplish the public’s work.

The political process in America has become brutal. Demeaning. Dishonest. Misrepresentative of facts. It has become power seeking and power blocking. Who gains from these antics is unclear. Sound bites tell us one thing. Actions tell us something different. And results show wealth gathering by many who seek the power.

Something is terribly wrong and needs repair. If those who have been entrusted, elected to do this work and cannot do it, then they need to be replaced. Those of us doing the electing, however, must have faith and trust that the newly elected will accomplish what we sent them to do: find a way to work together and get the basic tasks of government accomplished. With that success we can work on the other issues that divide us, and then move on from there.

Although I am disgusted at the current state of affairs, I have not given up hope that we can fix this. We can. Actually, we must. There is no choice. But complaining about it endlessly does not accomplish anything. We need doers to do the work. We need open minds among them to allow disagreement while doing the work anyway.

Are we willing to let this happen or are we doggedly refusing to give an inch?

I refuse to believe we are doomed. We have come too far at very high cost to throw in the towel.

Bigotry and pigheadedness is not an American ideal. Civility and compromise is. Let’s get to it!

January 13, 2012

Why Ideology Matters

In late December I wrote a list of what I thought the key issues are for our
nation. I believe these are the topics we need to think about and manage if we are
to move forward with confidence and success as a society. Whatever happens, we
will be moving forward in time – the issue is whether we are moving in a healthy
direction or one which takes us into dangerous places.

Yesterday I talked about spirituality as being one of the key issues we deal with as a people all the time. Some are religious in traditional ways, others are religious in non-traditional ways, others are not religious, still others have spiritual understanding that works for them but does not conform to formal lines of dogma or creed. This is an important issue because it determines if we are going to be open to differences among us; or if we will fight differences and drag our public discussions into uncivil discourse that keeps us apart from healthy problem solving in other arenas of our life together.

Today I explore political ideology. It is a major bone of contention in the news, at cocktail parties, in pundit media columns, and it generally forms lasting barriers to agreement throughout our national life. I consider the state of our national political disagreement a dangerous diversion. The arguments keep us from having fruitful discussions that build solutions for our common problems.

Similar to the spirituality topic, our openness to one another’s political beliefs will help us understand each other and accommodate the differences. It helps us tolerate disagreement. It steers us away from animus, emotional over-reaction, incivility and obstinacy – all barriers to finding ways to peacefully and respectfully co-exist.

One of the key challenges of political ideology is understanding the role and utility of government. For smaller entities – fire, school, and library districts, as well as municipalities and counties – the roles are basic and easily understood. When we move to state and national government entities disagreements are encountered. Philosophy, religion and values systems magically are included in the discussions and that inevitably leads to serious disagreements which sidetrack what the government’s role is actually about in the first place.

I believe that government is basically good. It does the work of the public that no other entity can do. For example, the federal government provides the following:

·         National defense: Army, Navy, Marines and Air Force; these service branches keep our nation safe from external attack through the coordinated planning and management of the Pentagon. It is under dual civilian/military control

·         National Justice system: courts, laws, and legal systems that define the legal standards by which we all live; coordinate standards among the states and their legal systems

·         Conducts foreign affairs and builds working relationships with the world community to ensure peace and tranquility for our peoples and friends of our nation. Partners with United Nations to build global understanding

·         Commercial trade and business standards throughout our nation and with our foreign trading partners as well. Partners with the International Monetary Fund and World Bank to assist trading partners and developing countries in full trading partnership with the rest of the globe; builds expanding markets for our nation’s producers of goods and services

·         National banking and currency system; regulates banking system; protects economy from severe disruptions and unsavory business practices; sets monetary policies that help manage the economy for healthy stability and growth

·         Health, Education and Human Services work sets standards and protective regulations on health initiatives, conducts seminal research on health and disease matters, regulates the safe manufacture of pharmaceuticals, monitors and supervises education standards and access to education appropriate to individual needs and abilities, and protects the halt, lame, handicapped, elderly and perpetually ill citizens who are unable to care for their own basic needs.

Over time public beliefs shift and challenge the role of government: what is appropriate, what is not appropriate, what is affordable or not, and so on. There are those who do not wish to subsidize anyone, or people who don’t agree with them in many areas. There are people who think the government should do more. What is the happy medium here? What are the standards we should define and implement? Should we compromise or should we stick to principles?

I believe the government is basically a good thing.  It is a necessary productive tool we need. The problem is the level of trust we have for our government and its operation. Many people are upset with Congress, the Supreme Court, the White House, and/or with any entity of the federal government you can think of.

I believe the trust issue belongs to the voters. We have elected people from whom we do not demand accountability, and we continually elect or re-elect people to seats of power whom we do not ultimately believe in. Whose fault is that? Ours. How do we redress the situation? Get involved. Do the research. Run for office. Support people you know and trust. Campaign for them and financially support their candidacies.

There’s more to do here than what has been simply stated above. But we need to start somewhere. This seems as good a place as any.

When I first suggested Political Ideology as a key issue, I also provided the following:

Political Ideology – What we Think and Why it Matters

            Government: understanding its role and utility

            Campaign finance reform: government does NOT belong to the highest bidder

            Ideology relies on education; refute opinion with fact

            Healthy discussions build strong nations

            Bigotry is not an American ideal

Obviously I have only addressed the first line. The other lines need our attention, too. I will get to them. But for now, let’s stick with the first line. Your thoughts please?!

January 12, 2012

Key Topic List: Spirituality

Back on December 28 this blog presented a list of what I think are the key issues mankind, at least Americans, need to work on. One section, actually the last one listed, is Spirituality – Connecting Intellect, World and Belief Systems. Perhaps that should have been listed first, but then, there are those who would argue it should not be on the list at all.

I think, however, it is a great starting point for a blog discussion.

I believe Mankind has always pondered the meaning of life and what purpose each of our lives is to serve. It is a natural condition of having cognition. Our very existence is open to wonder and thought. It is a short distance of logic to then settle on matters of the ego – what do others think of me? Why do others treat me the way they do? What do I have to do to feel better about myself?

It interests me to think on these things. We muddle around with these topics and make conclusions, some of them very short lived. Others tend to long term thought patterns, maybe even convictions. But do we remain open to challenging them with new information so we remain fresh in our views and conclusions?

Working hypotheses of life – how things work, what things I do matter, which ones create problems, which actions lead to good things happening – these are all items that  tend to remain in the brain’s machinery. We use them over and over again. These are often filters through which we view life. The filter keeps order so we can focus on what we think is important at the time. But these things constantly shift. We see the same things over and over again often with fresh views.

Not every person does this of course; some are stubborn in their thinking patterns. Their consistency is sometimes helpful but also a barrier to processing new information or fresh perspectives.

Getting into the shoes of another person’s thinking process can help communicate with that person. Building a bridge for common understanding is a good thing; hard work, but good. Together the bridged minds can work together.

We do not often allow bridge building to happen. It is a failing of human behavior. It takes discipline to change the pattern. I suffer from this condition along with a gazillion others! I admit it. But then that is the beginning of fixing it, maybe?

I have digressed! Spirituality was the topic as I recall.

As Man ponders, he fits the pieces of the world – his existence, his experiences – together to make sense of them. His knowledge may be true to him, but it is not all-knowing. None of us can be all-knowing. We make sense of the universe however we can. It doesn’t take long before we ask the base questions: how did the world come about? Who are we? What is the purpose of life? What will become of us? And so on until we have built a theoretical framework to support all this thinking!

Spirituality, God thought, theological considerations, the ‘history of the planet and mankind,’ and related topics flow forth. It is our attempt to understand the large, the cosmic, issues.

From the basic questions of existence to a full blown theology took thousands of years. Many world cultures struggled with these questions. Some common agreement or at least parallel belief structures came into being. 2000 years ago Christianity came on the world stage. Western Civilization adopted Christianity as a central spiritual tenet, and for the next two millennia our history has been built. As we move toward year 2100 the primary religious currents will continue to collide and compete, develop working relationships and dialogue. Theological agreement is not likely but getting along with one another probably is. That is a good thing.

Acknowledging what we know (facts, science, etc.) will continue to move forward. What we don’t know will continue to be the basis of our faiths. That, too, is a good thing. May universal good will and tolerance, even curiosity, be ever present!

And to that I say Amen!

January 11, 2012

No Title

There is no title because I haven’t written a blog for today. Why is that?

Things have happened fast and furious lately. Yesterday (Monday) I had to two morning meetings, a lunch appointment and a long City Council meeting to cover for the newspaper. Got home after 9 pm and the Council was still meeting and had a closed session scheduled for later!

Got home; ate a snack; cuddled the dog and relaxed a little before going to bed.

Usually I write the blog one day ahead and have a good idea of the material I want to cover in advance. But I don’t want to get too far ahead because the sense of immediacy gets lost. That’s not a good thing. So………

Woke this morning thinking of this blog. Pondered writing about our dog, or the joy of having a dog. Their patience, attentive and doting qualities. How calming they are for us humans! How grounding they are for our lives.

Then I thought of the meetings ahead of me for this week. Then the chores needing to be done around the house. Then my writing assignments for the newspaper this week and next. And I started to become overwhelmed. You see the problem.

Each morning I make a pot of coffee and peruse my email traffic, handle it, then move on to Internet sites I follow. Catch up on the day’s news, or what passes for that these days in the world of the Internet! Election day in New Hampshire. Economic news a bit stronger. Stock market in fairly good place and poised for stronger pricing. Slippage of some retailers, this time Best Buy! A dribble of other news. Nothing earth shaking.

Then I move on to consider the issues of the day that matter. What should I write about?

Let me try this one on: annual meeting of our local arts council is Wednesday evening. I am on the ballot to be the next president of the organization. This means I will follow our first president, now recently deceased. He and I had talked about the need for strategic planning and building a leadership development and succession plan. Then he got sick and died before we had a chance to address the issue. So that is what my task will be; work with the board and membership to develop a strategic plan, and to provide a succession plan and leadership nurture process.

As a retired strategic planning consultant, I must share with you the overwhelming need for each organization to focus first on its purpose (mission clarity), then its vision (long term dream of its future), then internal organization strength (its leaders and members). If all are on board with these basics, then the success of the organization is better than 50/50. Paying attention to these elements is important. Checking them and revisiting them regularly pays dividends. Doing so ensures the organization doesn’t slip far from its original intentions, stays on track and builds solid structure for future effectiveness.

I say this because it is important. For so much of what we do in life. Not just organizations. But for personal goals, too. And family goals. And quality of life. And neighborhood, community, church, job, whatever. Simply put it is important that we retain focus on

• Who we are
• Who is important in our life
• What we are about
• Why it matters
• What the long term future holds for us
• What can I do to make good things happen?

The basics matter. A lot. When trouble visits, it is the basics that lead us out of harm’s way. When catastrophe strikes, basics come to the rescue again!

Witness economic realities. For most of us our lives have been changed dramatically over the past few years due to loss of assets, loss of health, loss of jobs, insecurity, you name it.  But we find happiness and comfort in our family, our friends, and meaningful social participation. Making good things happen is a worthy pastime. Or career.

May such be yours today and in the future.

January 10, 2012

Voicing

Some of you know that I am the Managing Editor for the local Warrenville, Illinois newspaper, Village Chronicles. On a recent occasion I wrote a column for the paper that I borrowed from this blog; I changed very little, just enough to make it a local piece.

I received a letter to the editor that complained about my column, in error calling it an editorial, and claiming our editorial policy printed in the paper was abridged by the editorial.

To clarify, the column was an opinion piece and clearing labeled as such. I do write editorials for the paper but not exclusively. And the policy the letter writer cited was in actuality the paper’s Letter to the Editor policy, not the editorial policy.

So the letter writer was wrong on several points. But thinking about his stance, I was puzzled at what set him off. The only line in the column that was a clear opinion was my concern about this: “We think down on immigrants; almost as though all immigrants are illegal;...” We do have a growing Hispanic population in town and that is good. But there are those who choose to see all Hispanics as a symbol of open borders, bilingualism and whatever else they imagine as negative.

I didn’t see what upset this person so much and I told him so in a return email, but he then claimed I was condescending. Well I certainly hadn’t intended that so I began to wonder. Normally my writing for the newspaper is calm, reasoned and focused on the community. I don’t pick fights, and I steer clear of language that would inflame. I want the readers to understand the words and their intended meaning. That takes care on my part.

In my blog I write with more passion and point of view; it is a process I use to improve my understanding and articulation of complex issues. Using the blog posting as a column in the newspaper may have confused the usual reader by the “voice” I use in the two media. The temper and tone is different. They are different in order to communicate with two different types of audience. Interesting?

If the letter writer and I could talk calmly about this I think that it is the ‘voice’ discrepancy that caused him to react. He is so upset, however, I doubt we will be able to connect logically.

If I’m right about the voice theory, I’ll have to take greater care in addressing the two audiences. Whatever, it was an interesting lesson to learn and I’ll heed it.

January 9, 2012