AA works. I had lived a life as an openly gay man in a very
public setting. I know people do not understand the gay thing. It’s OK; it took
me decades to understand it, too. So I don’t hold it against others if they
don’t get it.
Anyway I ran for city council, won and served a full four
year term. I ran for re-election but I was ill (emphysema, COPD, atrial
fibrillation, and severe apnea). I exacerbated these conditions by smoking
heavily and then losing control of my drinking. I abused alcohol for about 5
years as best as I can recall. Most people didn’t know I had become dependent
on alcohol, but I had. And I believe I that happened because I found it
difficult to live in the proverbial ‘glass house’ of public life while being
gay. I felt the whispers behind my back rather than hearing them. I knew the
re-election results had been skewed by a whisper campaign but I felt if the
voters were dumb enough to think being gay had a negative effect on my service,
then they didn’t deserve the commitment I made to them in the first place.
Since losing the election I focused on my health, and that
included breaking the two addictions: smoking and drinking. I did that in early
2006 and never looked back.
The AA program has guided me to a healthy new reality. I am
calmer, better adjusted to whatever life asks of me, and a clearer thinker and
writer. I get a major boost from creative endeavors. I believe in community and
the value of shared life experiences with family, neighbors and other residents
of the community. I have this deep belief that we can solve any problem we
encounter as long as we work together. These beliefs make it a pleasure to
awake each day and see what the day has to offer.
Always a hard worker and a sense of personal responsibility,
I’ve made it my mission to accomplish two things: first, to be of use; second,
to live up to the epitaph – “It mattered that he lived.” These two goals are at
the heart of the old time American protestant ethic. And that’s what I am:
Congregational (now called United Church of Christ). Oh I’ve belonged with
Presbyterians and Lutherans as well, but it is the open theology of
Congregationalism that still captures my heart and soul!
AA has allowed me the freedom to pursue serious thinking on
what my life is about, who I am, what I have yet to accomplish, and why it is
worth the effort to attempt it. Basically, the longer I live, the more I
realize that life is meaningful because of what we do with our time and
talents, not the stuff we accumulate. In fact, the fewer our assets, the richer
life becomes. Is.
I know that sounds like a cliché. But some are so true, it
is why they are a cliché!
There was a time not long ago when I felt no joy. I was
conscious of the condition. I didn’t smile or laugh often. I tended to spend the
day reading, sleeping or whatever kept me in the house. I became something of a
hermit. But then I returned to active volunteering. With that came interaction
with people and a return of joy.
I have earned my stripes of belonging to my community. I care
about it, work for it, donate time, effort and talent to it. I expect nothing
in return. Oh, maybe camaraderie, and a deep sense of home. That I feel. That
is my reward.
I have spent many years on the board of the local chamber of
commerce. I am an elected commissioner on the local park district board. I’m on
the board of the town’s art council, and I serve as the managing editor of the
local newspaper. I helped found both the art council and newspaper. I’m trying
to create a community family chorus. I’m active in my church.
I may be retired, but I’m not defeated or uninvolved.
During this time of my life I am building a relationship
with my two granddaughters, and breathing fresh life into my relationship with
my daughter, son and their spouses. Life is good. And it is not over. Yet. And
that’s a good thing.
January 15, 2012
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