New Beginnings

I work with a small group of youth who have drug and alcohol problems. And I do mean youth. These are young men and women of 14, 15, 16 and 17 years of age. Some are now 18 but are graduating from the program.

Why so young and in trouble with drugs and alcohol? Good question. That’s what I’m trying to learn.

The other day I asked the group these basic questions: first, do you think people hear you? Are they listening to what you have to say? Second, if everything were perfect in your life, what do you want your life to be like? What would you be doing with your life?

The answer to the first question was predictable, I think. They pretty much said that no one listens to them, especially their parents. We did discuss this a little bit but I want to peel away the layers a little later and see where we might go with deeper discussion.

The second answer was interesting. In general they pictured themselves happy, with a good house and job, and car. One girl saw herself married to a rich guy having lots of kids and living in a country setting in a big house with lots of room for the kids to grow up. The guys did not see themselves married; a stark difference from the girl! They didn’t necessarily see kids in their future but a good relationship with another person.

The guys were a little more specific about their future. One wanted to produce music. He is not a musician but works wonders with a sound board, mixing and disc jockeying, making music through the musical creations of others. He views music as a great mood changer and nurturing tool.

Another fellow wanted to be a politician and become a household word. He plans on college, pre law and a law degree before breaking into politics. Another sees college and a degree that will snag him a good job although he did not have a clear idea on what kind of job or specialty degree he might pursue. Another guy wanted to be in a helping profession that would earn him a decent home and stable life style. No great expectations but a meaningful, purposeful life.

At this youthful stage it is understandable their sense of future is unformed; but I wonder how we can get them the help they need to work toward a more fully formed future? If they continue to use and abuse alcohol and drugs – escape from reality – how will they ever deal with reality productively?

At the base of it all I think these young people lack the feeling that they actually mean something to someone else. They expect that others do not value them or respect them. And of course they have indulged in behavior to earn the opposite of respect.

This anonymous quote came from the internet the other day:

“When a person no longer confuses themselves with the definitions others have given them, they are at once universal and unique.”

When the person reaches this point he is ready to take charge of his own life and seek a fulfilling future.

How can I help them get to that point? How do we teach kids they don’t need to be in a relationship to be a whole person, that they can be complete on their own? As Daveswordsofwisdom.com states: “You complete yourself because of who you are, not because of who you’re with.” That’s a great thought. Confidence in self, respect for self, love of self. Not egotism. Respect.

I guess we need to share that respect with them for them to know it for themselves. Reflect the good for them to see it. Maybe that’s it. I’ll try it.

I’ll let you know if it works. They deserve the chance to succeed. Perhaps 2013 is their year?

January 1, 2013