Meaning and More

Several years ago I read Tuesdays with Morrie, a small book authored by Mitch Albom. It was the story of Albom meeting with a man, Morrie, dying of cancer. He devoted Tuesdays for meeting with Morrie and exploring life – Morrie’s life as it had been, was now, and what he imagined the transition into death to be. An interesting read at any stage of life, it is especially helpful for those people dealing with the death of a loved one or one’s own demise.

This morning I came across a quote from Mitch. Here it is:

“The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

I like this thought very much. It demonstrates the life-long process of accumulating meaning in our life. I don’t think the process is a series of ‘bams’ –  explosions of insight. I think it is a slow accumulation of conclusions we make based on experience and shocks to that experience. The shocks are moments when new ideas bump into our established thinking. The shocks jar us to think or see something in a new way.

Of course the process is affected by surroundings, feelings, moods and health status. All of these and much more are constantly changing. These changes constantly act upon our established thinking. We change our minds on things. Some ideas change in major ways. Others are tweaked in very minor shifts. But change is constantly present and our thinking is always in process.

The older I get the more philosophical I become. To beat back the scourges of disease, faulty thinking, addictive behaviors, whatever plagues us, it works better if we focus outside of our own being. Life happens to each of us. But it is not about us. An oxymoron if I ever saw one!

Moving beyond self….is a phrase I’ve used here before. It is appropriate here, too.

Getting outside of me opens the world to exploration on its terms, not mine. What is out there in the world is on its own terms, not mine. It is my job to figure out what it means, why it exists and all of that. But if I don’t figure it out correctly, it is OK. Because it does not depend on me to provide the other with meaning. It has that all on its own whether I understand it or not.

It’s OK. All on its own.

I was in a group discussion with youth last night. One of us was asked to share his story. He did. It tumbled out in phrases and spurts. Sometime articulate (to me) but often disjointed. The whole of it, however, made sense. His story was complicated and filled with anxiety. Worrisome and ominous in terms of consequences. But his countenance was calm and logical. He was sharing. This was his story; not mine. And it made sense. By the end of his narrative I realized ‘it was OK’. He was OK. He would make it fine. Eventually. Maybe not right this minute, but eventually he would be OK.

I watched the reaction of others in the room to hearing this young fellow’s story. I wondered then and now how they absorbed the story and made sense of it in their lives. Did they see the connection? Did they understand the dynamics shared among all the people in the group last night? What did it mean to them?

This morning at 4 am I awoke with the phrase buzzing in my mind…it’s OK.

They have to work through it. It will be OK. Meantime it is OK…for now.

Meaning comes to us in dribs and drabs. What is going on outside of us helps us see ourselves eventually. Eventually. Outside of self.

Yes.

February 25, 2013