So What Happened?

I wrote a blog the other day entitled “Coming Clean”. I intended to share the blog copy with the youth AA group I work with on Friday evenings. I did read the copy to the group and here’s what they had to say.

The first person to respond said he was honored to be trusted with my message and appreciated the action. Another person said it was OK that I am gay and that I should seek happiness that works in my life. Another thanked me for sharing a serious message with him and the whole group.

That was the beginning of a lot of sharing within the group. My blog had also reported on youth suicides as a response to bullying. They engaged the topic wholeheartedly and explored suicide as an issue in many of our lives. They also delved into chronic depression. In an earlier meeting we had ascertained that all of the group experienced varying degrees of depression and had for most of their lives.

My action to share the blog with them was a demonstration of my willingness to share deep seated issues in my life with them, so they would do the same. I feel this process is invaluable in empowering the group to help one another. Early indications support that theory/hope!

Thinking back on the experience I have come to these conclusions:

·         Today’s younger generation is more accepting of differences among people than our older generations

·         Youth are more willing to examine hard truths than we give them credit for

·         Youth are more tolerant and flexible in dealing with diversity than older folks

·         Depression and substance abuse may be inextricably connected

·         Listen to youth and they will hear you

Now these ‘conclusions’ are temporary because most rely on incomplete data at any given moment, just like the rest of life!! But I feel these are lessons that will help me deal with the group and the individuals as time moves on. Once again I have learned more than I have shared.

This quote was on the internet a few weeks ago:

“A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talk to each other instead of about each other.”                                                    ~Anonymous

A good thought worth remembering. If we get serious about the topics that matter in our lives, I have found most people are willing to have a good discussion about those topics. They sense the trust it requires to have meaningful discussions. They feel good about the trust and engage others in the discussion. If the communicators continue to demonstrate honesty and trust in their exchanges more honesty and trust is forthcoming.

Observe Senate confirmation hearings in Washington DC. Watch how nominees are treated by party association. Note that it is the President who is really the person of interest in these discussions and not the nominees themselves. It seems political ideology and power relationships rule the exchange of ideas. The tone is both uncivil and illogical at times. Strange that this is how our principled democracy of note handles its affairs!

If we want to understand someone and their thinking we must first listen to them and be sure we are capturing their meaning. If we don’t we are assuming way too much. And that leads to chaos, misunderstanding and incoherent communications. That explains a lot about Washington DC in 2012/13!

I suggest taking a good lesson from young people. Trust them and they will trust you in return. Listen to them and they will listen to you. Core intelligence among conversants will become apparent in their discussions if trust is present.

We have much to learn from each other regardless of age or life experience.

February 6, 2013