Which Is It?

Saw this quote on the internet the other day. It is anonymous:

            “Life isn't about finding yourself.

             Life is about creating yourself.”

I am not sure I totally agree with these sentiments, but then again each line says something to me that is powerful.

I spent a lot of time trying to find myself – what I was interested in, what I ought to be interested in, what I should do with my life, who I wanted to surround myself with – you know the sort of thing I’m speaking of. These were things I did in my teens and early twenties. Searching. Discovering. Getting to know me.

Although that period of my life worried me I did find it stimulating and fun. I was wrapped a little too tight to fully enjoy the period, but I did relax enough to find a meaningful career, a terrific woman to love, a very good education and all the things that flowed from those discoveries.

Now creating yourself is another thing entirely! Or is it? Is it the opposite side of the same coin or just another view of the same side of the coin?  A good question. I’m not sure I know the answer.

An old quote from Peanuts by Charles Schultz goes like this:

            “Life isn't meant to be easy, it’s meant to be lived.

             Sometimes happy, other times rough…

             But with every up and down you learn lessons that make you strong.”

Engaging the experiences for their full value provides the lessons of life. And they go on for as long as you allow them to. In that sense we are always in the process of finding ourselves; and we are always in the process of creating ourselves as well.

The teenage years and the twenties, they were heady times for exploring life. Back then, however, we didn't have all the tools we gain with experience to understand what life means or the challenges that loom in our path. The same can be said of each phase of our life as it unfolds.

How well prepared were any of us for parenthood? For welcoming a baby into our home? For parenting kids through each of their very personal phases and their own life discoveries?

How did we learn to discern the right path through all of the options of our education? And career choices! The list of decisions grew enormous as we worked our way from one job to a full career, and then moved on from there to yet another opportunity that called us.

And aging. There’s a pip of a learning cycle! Through all the developmental steps of our life as our bodies change and challenge us, as well the mind coping with vast opportunities now becoming much more limited. Each step on the journey is a challenge.

We are tested often. We do not know the right response to each test. But we are better for it, even when our response turned out wrong. That experience taught us something we can take with us into the future.

Along the way we learned who matters and who doesn't. These lessons are hard to live through let alone learn from. I caught this quote the other day:

“I learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings, even if I respect theirs. Being a good person doesn't guarantee that others will be good people. You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be as a person. As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away.”                           ~Anonymous

That’s a very hard lesson to learn, isn't it? The lesson appears unexpectedly. We are called to learn from it nonetheless, and to make a decision. To work with the people or walk away from them. Each situation is its own world of experience. Each calls us to live fully and carefully ~ to take the time to discern what matters most for now and the long term.

Which is it for you? For each of us?

August 27, 2013