A Perfect Gift?

In this season of gift giving we often scratch our heads at the options open to us. What really stumps us, though, is selecting the gift that ‘fits’ the recipient. What does she or he really want, or better yet, what do they need? What would give them more than a moment of pleasure, but rather a boost in their thinking, feeling and creativity? In other words, what could we possibly give another person that would enable them to be more than what they are at this moment? Or feel their special-ness

Maybe I’m over thinking this! A gift is supposed to acknowledge a sentiment we have for a person at a special time: anniversary, birthday, celebration of achievement, special holiday. But doodads are plentiful for those moments. I’m talking about another dimension of gift giving.

In years past I admit to giving things that I would like to have received, or fads that suggested popular selections. I guess I addressed gift giving as a task to be managed. How many things must I get, and where can I find them, for how much cost, and how quickly can I accomplish all of this?  Sometimes I began Christmas shopping early, in September, certainly by October! In recent years I still finish early but my list is much shorter!

These days I still work at finding the right item, but with strict cash limits practical issues make the job easier and shorter.

Unlike past years when sheer volume was a goal – you know, swamp the recipient with a lot of items so they don’t notice that thought behind the gift was sometimes a little weak! – recent years have a focus on appropriateness and special meaning.

Over the years we can recall a few gifts received from others that hold special memories. Maybe it was a tie that connected with us, or a hand-made sweater, mittens or socks? Something very personal. I remember a sweater vest made by my 90-year old grandmother. Half blind and suffering several debilitating health conditions, she still found the energy to make things for her many grandkids scattered across the nation. I held on to that sweater years longer than it fit. Just to remember her. Just to remember a connection to her.

When the kids were young we worked hard to find gifts that we knew were passages for them from one age to another. The right toy – big or small – or the gender related item that guided him or her into the past times appropriate for their age and interests – play kitchens, play tools or shops – you know the sort of things. Dolls certainly. Games as well.

As adults the job seems more complicated. We cannot always give a family heirloom to a loved one, or a precious piece of jewelry either. Perhaps an experience would serve well – like a visit to a spa, or a special dinner out, or a concert by an iconic performer? Maybe a play would do. Or a getaway weekend. Time together, just the two of you.

I remember when kids we provided ‘gift certificates’ of services for our parents – so many hours of house cleaning or detailing the car. Those were valued, not because of the offered services themselves, but the acknowledgment that we needed to make those contributions to the family from time to time.

Appropriateness. What is the right thing for a specific person?

It depends. How much does the act of giving tell the other person that you are glad they are a part of your life? Perhaps that is the question we should be asking. The answers may surprise.

Sometimes just telling them that is all that is needed.

December 13, 2013