Tossing Off the Covers

A new day. A new year. Time to seek new truths, or at least improve articulation of old truths. Understand them better. Share them with others in a more usable form.

I read this quote from the internet the other day. It brought forth a lot of thinking:

“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome. You Can Do It!”

                                                            ~Lessons Learned in Life

Challenges. Try these on for size ~

-Getting married when I wasn't at all sure of my sexual orientation

-Becoming a father when I didn't know the first thing how to be one!

-Finding a job that would become a career; realizing the job is not the career, my attitude

 and dreams actually form the career.

-Supporting a family on one salary, and that from a non-profit educational institution

-Commuting four hours a day; the walking, the standing, the sitting, the waiting…

-Earning a bachelor’s degree in a theoretical field

-Allowing feelings and otherness move me to the seminary; actually giving up a career to

 pursue theology and mission and calling…so open ended and unknown!

-Returning to the world of work and career-seeking yet again

-Jumping off the safety platform and trying yet another career, this time an all-consuming

  one

-Returning to school for a masters degree while working full time and commuting four hours a day! Now there was a challenge.

-Volunteering because it taught me so much and felt so good; later allowed all of these

 experiences drive and shape the career I loved so much

-Daring a divorce at age 50; oh my!

-Starting my personal life over, well, almost over; I still had the kids with me as they

 completed their college educations

-Finally exploring and answering the question of sexual orientation; I’m gay! What a

 relief. For a long while I thought I was nuts.

-Meeting the man of my life, falling in love and doing something about it

-Weathering several career challenges and finally opening my own consulting firm

-At long last meeting the challenge of elected political office; ran and won a term on the

 city council

-Encountered political opposition from a nasty-minded person who campaigned sub rosa

 against homosexuality

-Living in a ‘glass bowl’ in public life

-Rocky and I held a public commitment ceremony with family, friends and local political

 associates; everything was now in the open!

-Drinking to calm the nerves; allowing the drinking to get out of control

-Finally taking control and quitting cigarettes; 44 years at 4 packs a day, minus a 7-year

 period of smoke-free living

-Learning that smoke-free meant I had the power to be alcohol free, too; signed myself

 into rehab 2 months after kicking cigarettes

-Building sobriety continuously over 8 successful years with no end in sight!

-Encountering three major – maybe four – illnesses in quick succession; wondering if the

 end were in sight? Taking control of my life and trying to manage it all.

-Learning I didn’t have as much control as I thought; I should have hired a conservator!

-Readying myself for death; paying down liabilities and right sizing my balance sheet; if I

 survived it would be on a restricted income in retirement following a period of disability

-Learning I owed taxes on the SEP-IRA funds I used to cover my period of disability and 

 longer period of unemployment

-Dealing with lower income, rising living expenses, especially medical costs and health

 insurance premiums

-Refinancing the house under HAMP and taking a hit on my credit rating

-Eventually losing the house to foreclosure and a short sale

-Slow bank processing on the short sale requiring me to declare bankruptcy!

-At 70 trying to find a new home; failed double wide trailer purchase; failed privately

 funded condo purchase; and a succession of failed apartment rentals due to bankruptcy

-Learning my health status is stable and pretty good for my age; I have a lot of years

 ahead of me

-Trying to determine what to do with the rest of my life now that I have time

“…Remember everything you faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome…”

Yes. I remember. I have a done a lot. I can do more. I have less fear now. There are more things yet to do.

I can but try.

January 8, 2014