Layers and Layers

Have you faced layers and layers of problems at the same time? Have you managed through a ton of distracting details?  Parenthood provides plenty of challenges – childhood illness, not knowing if the ailment is real or just seems so, or is serious and no clear solution is yet available – or maybe career obligations that complicate the calendar – the commute, business travel, tight turn around times, leadership challenges, touchy client relationships – and of course household responsibilities that pose time pressures all their own.

Layers of issues in need of attention all at the same time. Nothing new here, right? It’s what we deal with each and every day.

I sometimes marvel at women who work outside the home yet have this incredible yearning to do all the things as a wife, homemaker and mother that their mothers and grandmothers did in the home. Their jobs, their careers pull them away from hearth and home and yet not really – they are still rooted there heroically mothering the family through sickness and health. Also through moods of elation and crashing sadness.

By comparison the lives of men seem simpler. But we would be wrong, I think! Men have this inner sense of responsibility for family financial security, maintenance of home and car, yet also of happiness of all who dwell under his roof. Yes there is this sense of protective gender role – that no harm shall come to those who live within his embrace! Not easily put into words, I think, but guys want their homes to be whole and safe and happy. And they labor in strained ways to provide all of that.

Career demands take on a life of their own. Both men and women experience this but those women with little kids at home I think divide their attention properly so; their attention may not be totally on the career job outside the home. Yet the men don’t have that divided focus. They know the long term future for their family relies on how well he performs within the career and opens up career and income opportunities. Part of this is gender role and taken for granted but not fully understood. Part of this is ego driven. Some of this is very practical. And some is just plain dumb luck!

However it comes down, both the man and woman of the home have layers of complexities they manage day in and day out, year in and year out. The ‘others’ in our life don’t fully appreciate these layers. Adult sons and daughters, adult nieces and nephews, and all of their offspring, each generation deals with this simultaneously with everyone else’s layers of complexities.

No wonder large family gatherings are such a stew of emotion and drama!

On Monday mornings, however, each of us faces our own daytime drama of family, home, commute and job. And the return to same each day. A rhythm builds over the years and changes slightly through the seasons of our development phases. We are not always young. We are not always middle aged, or childless, or parenting, or retired. Each year has its seasons. Each group of years has its phased development. We are not living through this again with practice. No! We are applying ourselves afresh because it is new to us.

That’s as it should be. Life is to be lived, we are told. And the living of it is often dull and boring but it is ours to persist through. The routine is our constant teacher if we pay attention. Life is not all high drama or festive. It certainly is not always understood!

Yes, life is a challenge precisely because it is not fully known nor appreciated. As well, we are distracted by other things then current. Our attention is divided and we apply what is available to the responsibilities and obligations. The surprise is we do so well as it is!

OK. The moral of this blog today is simply this: your life is a challenge; so is each life of those we know and love or even are uncomfortable with. Not all of life is focused on your happiness. Nor is your focus only on you and yours. Rightfully we are called upon to live with the unknown and the familiar at the same time. The crux of this is the interest we ought to have for each day as it unfolds. Without routine. It will happen as it will and must.

And we are called upon to act accordingly whether we want to or not. In the long run it will work out.

Trust me. Meanwhile do what you have to.

April 22, 2014