The Snub

Ever encounter a thought that niggles your brain for a few hours? Sure, I have. Probably more times than I wish to admit, but here’s a quote that has worked on me for some time:

            “Once you feel avoided by someone, never disturb them again.”

            ~Great People, Great Thoughts

Can you relate with this? I have. But it is not in my nature to leave someone alone who has avoided me. I wonder why they acted as they did. I struggle to determine if I did something to cause the snub. Or in a flash of creativity, perhaps they see me as a reminder of something they need to do, or fix, or come to grips with?

The snub. The conscious act of avoiding someone. The decision not to deal with that person then, or perhaps every again.

I can only think of a few instances where I have been the actor of the snub. I can remember other cases where I was the target of the snub. It wasn't until I did the snub that I came to understand something – some people are too much trouble to know and my equanimity relies on my separating them from my life. Ignoring them is one way to handle them. Avoiding them is another. An outright snub sends an unmistakable message when the other party continues to be a presence without your invitation.

Feeling snubbed is a wake up call. How do I handle that? Is this a problem the other person has, or do I own it exclusively? Do I pursue an answer or resolution? Or do I perpetuate the snub as an intentional separation now adopted by both people?

I guess it depends on my understanding of the situation. I have one in-law who is a mystery, a bother, a hugely negative influence within the family. For a few years I was not a target of her twisted personality. Then I was. She continued to manipulate and play psychological games. Then our paths crossed in a social setting and I had to decide how to handle it. I addressed it forthrightly, greeted her and her daughters with a ‘hello ladies’, and briskly continued walking to my assigned seat in the auditorium. Never heard from them again.

What peace! She who knows no boundaries of skullduggery, is now silent in my life. I care not to ever talk with her or share space in the same room. She does not exist. She taught me a valuable lesson.  Although I snubbed her in the end, she had been doing it for a long time; me and nearly everyone else in the family. It took me a long time to realize it. But now, I am free.

I will let this sleeping dog be. Life is so much more pleasant now. I owe her nothing. She owes me nothing. I forgive her. And my life goes on.

From a website named LiveLifeHappy.com comes this quote:

“Don’t worry about what other people say behind your back, they are the people who are finding faults in our life instead of fixing the faults in their own life.”

Oh how very true this is! Funny how this matters at different stages of life. Later, many years later, our peace depends on our understanding that we control very little in life, especially other people. They will think and do what they will. Do not attach special significance to it. They have work to do on their own lives. And they would make a poor life coach for me at any rate.

No. I have my work to do. I have my self to hone and become happy with. It is a process. A long process. One that makes a journey of worth in the end.

April 15, 2014