Opening Eyes and Ears

You see the world based on your own experiences. So do I. Our families were part of that living library of experience. And our neighborhoods, too. Schools, churches, neighborhood friends, those chums we grew up with, spent time with, shot the bull with. We explored life together a lot. There were times we didn’t ask the questions weighing most heavily on our minds, but we waited for the right time to do it. We usually did ask those questions.

In this way we learned about sex. I know your blushing right about now, but that’s the way it is, isn’t it? We trust close friends to talk honestly about things we don’t know or understand. We knew about pregnancy. We knew where babies came from, but the mystery was learning how they came to be in mom’s belly. The way people demurred from talking about this subject kept us from asking family members our pressing questions.

So we turned to friends. Not the creepy ones, the ones who were prone to bullying or poking fun at you. No, we reserved our most personal questions for those we knew would listen.

At school we didn’t bother the teachers; they were the same age as our folks and we didn’t want to embarrass them, either.

Little by little we scoped out the world. Bit by bit we realized some things we had gotten all wrong, but then more chats with friends and we adjusted our understanding. Besides, as we grew older and did papers and projects for class, we learned to visit the library. Encyclopedias, too.

Today, kids have the internet and answers are everywhere to be found. So many we don’t know the questions they answer. But never mind about that, we are on our own now and can learn to ask the right questions, follow the answers with more questions, and eventually we have a pretty good understanding of what’s what in life.

I remember having physical feelings that didn’t seem ‘normal’ but I didn’t have a clue about what I was feeling, so didn’t know what to ask or how to ask it.  Years later, maybe 15 or more, I began to put words to the feelings. At the time I didn’t trust any of my friends to know what I was talking about so I kept quiet. More years passed and finally I had a friend I could confide in, confide these deepest of feelings and questions.

He put me in contact with another person he felt certain could counsel me on sexuality, especially attraction to my own gender. Talk about awkward! I still get sweaty palms thinking of it. But it is over now; long over and I have learned much about life that smooths all the awkward moments. Still, the sweaty palms! I wonder if those will ever fully disappear when I think of these matters?

Today I interact with people of all types. Men, women, teenagers, people of faith, atheists, drug addicts and alcoholics. Employed and unemployed, too, are people I am familiar with. Of the latter, most are people of middle age who have suffered career dislocation and have no idea how to relocate their talents to a meaningful calling while earning a fair and livable income. A sign of our times, career dislocation is a serious issue that colleges and high schools need to pay attention to, and governing bodies, too, ought to consider policies that would ease folks through these treacherous waters of life. These problems sap energy and financial resources from communities. We all pay the price of these dislocations. Worse still is how the individual feels about him or herself. Worthless comes to mind. They would offer us even more terrible word choices. They feel pulled into a rabbit hole of extinction. They fear the unknown. They tremble at irrelevancy or the fear of being so. Often they drink or drug to cover the pain. Adding to their misery are the ramifications of that behavior. Worse comes to worst. Institutionalization or prison results in many cases. But that behavior can be managed in better ways that brings the person back to wholeness. And purpose.

How many inmates of jails and prisons are mental health patients in need of treatment? How many are potentially gifted students in need of education? How many are spiritually hungry folk who need time and space to work out their life story on a positive scale? How many of all of these people actually get a chance to explore these solutions? Not very many.

You know that. We all know that. But once the miscreant has journeyed through the criminal justice system and is locked away, we prefer to not think of them. It is better to envision our streets and neighborhoods free of their ilk and threat. We prefer to let the professionals deal with the wreckage of such lives.

But did you know there are very few professionals doing that kind of work? Would it also surprise you to learn that those few professionals are so few compared with the inmates with needs that not even a small dent is possible. The state of our penal institutions is dreadful. Our society feels so harshly that budgets are continuously reduced on a per capita basis to deal with prisoners already in our system. And then, we remove public institutions from the mix and increasingly place this work to the lowest bidder within the private enterprise system. Good luck on rebuilding lives within this environment.

I think of young people caught in this vortex of personal destruction. What they need is a time out and a gracious heart of another human being willing to listen and help build positive thoughts. How many get this opportunity? Not many. And most come with a theology present along with religious rituals and other creedal matter that doesn’t always sit well with the inmate. To get help they have to yield to someone’s religious beliefs?

I get it that religious institutions often dedicate themselves to helping others. What I don’t get is why people don’t do this type of work without the religious directive. I don’t need a religious belief system to press me forward to do this sort of work.

Do you? Might you be willing to step forward and help an inmate or two feel cared for and worthy of investment for a better life after his term of imprisonment is over? If so, contact your local Sheriff’s office and discuss what you have in mind. He will most likely receive you gladly. And he may even help you broaden your work to other institutions hungry for your help.

If we don’t do this work the prison population will re-enter society, our society, worse off than when they entered the criminal justice system. If that is true we are in a world of hurt unimaginable for generations to come.

We can do something about this. Each of us can adopt an inmate to help. And together we can petition our governments to do the right thing in the first place and provide the helping services to these people before the problem worsens.

That would be a good starting point.

April 6, 2016