Owning Our Lives

I write this blog so I can delve into what makes me tick. What is important to me? What has depth and what is shallow? What are my interests and how do they square with what the world needs from me?

I don’t know about you. I’m not reading your thoughts. I’m just writing my own and letting others see them. This is not an ego thing. This is a therapy process to keep me anchored in reality and to truly develop some honesty in my life. Doing this blog makes me real to myself. The exposure to others is a risk. Others could easily react to my ideas and writing and tromp all over my feelings and personhood. But if that happened and I let it truly affect me, that would be my bad.

I am in control on how others affect my life. I can let them or not; better to ‘not.’

Why then do I expose myself? Because I learn about me. I also learn what’s going on in the world that I would otherwise not know about. I read about things, ask questions of other people, get involved in special projects from time to time and let the pull of the odd and the new challenge me. That’s partly why I work with teen drug addicts. I had never done that before so the experience was a stark reminder of how different my life is from other people. Not a good thing or a bad thing, just a different thing. Understanding it is a challenge. Still is and I’ve been doing that work for over 4 years now.

Mentoring small businesses is another challenge. I enjoy it and learned how to do it. I share my experience and skill sets with others so they can get ahead. Not all do get ahead, but most do. And that provides reward enough for me. It is also a challenge that has taught me a lot about business, other people and their dreams, and myself as well. All efforts teach lessons. Some big, some small, but all lessons are good. They round me out and make me a better person, hopefully.

Singing has been a personal passion for me. I love music. I love making music. I do not share this with very many people. I am shy and avoid limelight. It makes me very uncomfortable. But if making music gives me joy, I have to risk letting others hear me. You can’t have one thing without the other. Doing it – making music – has stretched me. And others now tell me they enjoy my musical contribution. I can’t ask for anything more than that.

The first time I stood to give a speech – it was to 250 college students – I was so nervous I nearly froze on the spot! But I put away my script and presented what was on my mind. I had already written and practiced ‘the speech’ but it felt plastic. I covered the same material in a way that was much more real. The students accepted it very well. It was a moment of success. From that I was able to move on and speak before crowds of 1000 or 1500. Not easy but it happened. Later I was able to stand before small groups of 10 to 25 people and lead them through complicated planning processes for 8 to 14 hours over a weekend.

That work built my confidence to think spontaneously and express myself. If people misunderstood I learned how to correct my presentation to remove confusion and remain honest at the same time. This give and take developed strength for my consulting career.

Later that confidence also supported efforts to write weekly newspaper columns, news articles on public events and government happenings. And even later I realized I needed to clear out my brain attic and write a blog. I’ve been doing this for over 5 years and reached over 120,000 readers. Now writing every day is easy for me. Having confidence in my expression of thoughts is strong, too.

I expose myself to the judgment of others. Everyday I do this. Everyday I take chances to learn enough about another’s situation to see how I can help them be all that they can be. Yes, I take a chance to do this work. I don’t know that I will succeed at it. But it is that very edge of risk that makes the effort better, more effective and, in the end, successful.

As a result I feel I own my life. I risk every day and receive feedback that helps me understand the world and other people. Everyday. And yes, everyday I learn more about myself and why it is important to risk losing myself to find myself. Each day. Risk and discovery. Sometimes I suffer defeat but that only makes the victories seem more valuable.

Give and take. Ebb and flow. Take a chance and learn. Own your life. It may very well be the secret of happiness.

How about you? What risks and rewards do you do each day?

February 13, 2017