Wistful

Wistful about what? Well, for one thing, normal. That would be nice. Trouble is that is still forming and will be for the next several months; how startling the new will be is the big question.


We are a gay couple, married over 3  years now, had a commitment ceremony in public over 14 years ago. We have been together nearly 20 years. Only 5% of Americans identify as gay. There are other categories of non-straight that can be added to the count, taken together it might approach 8% of America’s population. That’s a small group. Not normal to the rest of society, but a new normal for all of us in this day and age.


We are also elder: 74 and 76. Over 65’s total about 16% of the population. That’s normal; young folk have some dissonance with elders, but they realize their folks will soon be in that category. That makes it personal and understandable. Besides, the personal telegraphs the realization that they too, will one day be an elder. Or so they expect and hope.


We are both retired. That is, from work, not life. We have many interests and involvements. We pursue them and delight in them. It gives us focus and vitality. The days speed by. We are hopeful this will last for a long time.


One of us is pretty well educated. Formally so, expanded by a full life experience in professional careers, inventiveness, entrepreneurialism, and intellectual pursuits.  Working in nonprofits provided another dimension of experience.


The other of us doe not have much formal education. However, the intelligence and expressive talents are superior. A quiet warrior in thinking and learning. No slouch, this guy is one smart cookie. Each of us do not have to have diplomas to live smart and be so.


The other of the twosome is overweight, has AFib, emphysema, sleep apnea and creeping arthritis. Lots of meds to moderate all of this. Balance and walking stamina are not high. Nightly oxygen coupled with a CPAP gadget are required. That limits mobility, travels and stamina. But no limit of interest in those things!


Rocky was an accomplished artist in ceramics, art woodworking and lapidary. He is talented in electronics, too (thank God!).


I’m a retired strategic planner, editor, writer and economist.


Both of us are engaged in current events and pay attention. We communicate our views often and freely. To anyone willing to listen. Even those who are not!


I talked with a young man who is a struggling writer. He knows the craft, but he is light on life experience to draw on in his communications. Both Rocky and I have life experience that allows us thoughts to share. I rarely have trouble jumping on an idea to write about. Many times it is hard to select from many topic options. Rocky, too.


So, wistfulness is more a mood that desires connection with meaningful content of life: to live fully, to continue experiencing all the sensations we have in the past. The present is more limited in those sensations; that too is life. The future will witness more dilution of those sensations. Memories remain, and they are quite vivid. That is the experience mentioned before. It is gained over lifetimes. It is built day after day, layer upon layer. This is the birthplace of wisdom if we allow it. Perhaps that is the goal of wistfulness? Continual learning and enrichment. The education that never ends. The future that will be for others even if we are no longer around.


Wistful is OK. It is a part of life and necessary. This is not a complaint.


It is gratitude.

July 15, 2019