Being Heard

Some of you know Rocky had a laryngectomy in July. That is the full removal of his voice box. It’s a long story involving cancer, but it was necessary. Learning to live with it is another tale entirely.


For one, speaking in one’s own voice is not possible. To speak at all, Rocky must hold a thing to his throat. The thing is technically named an electrolarynx. I call it a buzzer box. It buzzes in various tones and loudness. When pressed against the side of the throat, it buzzes or hums. By opening the mouth and shaping words when he did have a voice box (larynx), words will 'sound.'


It is not quite that simple, but the mechanics are.  Getting the buzzer thingy placed right, and then shaping the mouth, lips and tongue right, creates articulate sounds. At least they can be articulate enough to pass as speech.


Well, that’s easier said than done, and Rocky is not yet expert at this practice!


The other day, he said he needed to go to the store. Inasmuch as he doesn’t drive anymore, I know how often we’ve been to the store in recent months. I’m pooped from driving everywhere. To the store, pharmacy, doctor’s office, church, hospital, gas station, cleaners and what not. Once we both drove. Now only I do. So, if the household needs something, I’m the driver and often the shopper.

Rocky likes to shop, especially groceries. He was raised by parents who ran a small Italian grocery. Rocky worked at the store for years, every day and for long hours. It has never quite left him. Today he walks thoughtfully through every grocery aisle scanning the merchandise and reading labels.  I mean, really! It takes him an hour and a half to shop for a few things.


So, today he said he had to go to the store. I said for what? And he (and his buzzer thingy) said ‘Jewish bread.’ I couldn’t believe it. Jewish bread. I never knew him to ask for Jewish bread. But he laughed (without sound, of course; that’s another topic to share with you another time). Obviously, I had decoded his buzzing incorrectly.  His laughing, however, kept him from correcting my misunderstanding. In fact, we both got to laughing.


Anyway, he dared to drive the car to the store. First time he got behind the wheel since early July (five months). I guess I’ll have to wait and see what ‘Jewish bread’ turns out to be! Meanwhile, I’ll worry about his driving and when I should expect his return.


December 11, 2019


PS: Well, he got back safely without mishap. It turned out he bought snacks of various kinds.  Nothing at all resembling ‘Jewish Bread.’ I suppose we’ll never know. By the way, his Parkinson’s Disease severely limits his handwriting, so he doesn’t do notes. Point and click on the computer and Facebook is as good as it gets. And hugs. Of course.