The hot bath feels good. A plate of fettucine alfredo sates taste buds and the void in the stomach (even when there isn’t a void!). A warm breeze with just the right humidity – not dry as a dessert nor humid as Florida before a thunderstorm. Birdsong lilting from trees on high and down low on bushes. The purr of a cat. The soft mewling of a dog in slumber while dreaming.
These are comforting thoughts. They soothe the frets and worries of life.
The opposite is the many stresses and strains in life. Bills piling up. Cars and major appliances breaking down; to replace or repair becomes an often heard question.
Illness of own or others is another worry. Will this illness be weathered well and soon forgotten? Or will it be with me to the end of my time?
Have I saved enough money for retirement? Will I be able to live where I want to? Will my home be roomy and comfortable? Or will I have to settle for less? Will I escape winter weather, or have to hunker down to shoveling snow, de-icing walks, and otherwise hibernate for three months?
Will my kids grow up to use their education and build a life that is challenging, rewarding and motivating? Or will they dribble life away in one dead end job after another? Or waste money on drugs, booze and gambling? Will they take charge of their own life? How do I prepare them for that? How will they find their way in this world? Have I done enough to help them do for themselves?
OK, enough of this. Reality screams in our face daily. What we do with it is the main thing.
Facing the real things in our life is important. Escaping does no good whatever.
I’ve watched people self-medicate themselves into a rehab facility. It doesn’t much make a difference if the substance abused is food, alcohol or drugs. The damage done lasts a lifetime. The escape is but momentary. Soon enough the problem becomes crystal clear. The person either faces it and surmounts the troubles, or gives in once more time, self-medicates and essentially becomes a lost soul.
It doesn’t matter if native talents in music, math, science, writing or whatever exist in the person. The escape blots out all talent. Remember Tennessee Williams? A brilliant playwright and writer. Brilliant. Yet he was a drunk and a seeker of pleasure – sexual and otherwise – to the extent that he wasted much of his talent. So bad that he choked on a simple meal and died.
Mama Cass died by choking, too. She was talented but addicted to food. It got her in the end. And prematurely.
Our social landscape is riddled with youth who are gambling their future through drugs and booze. Looking cool and feeling good robs them of their commonsense. Soon enough the escape is the only thing they are interested in. Without luck their lives ebb away all too quickly. And that’s only the young. What about the other age groups? Each age grouping of life is a phase each of us must navigate. All are challenges that could trip us up.
Do we face reality squarely and do constructive, logical things with it? Do we grow through this or are we stunted by the struggle? Are these stages of life motivators to create and thrive? Or are they hurdles to overcome by escape? If escape is the chosen route, growth is stunted. Maybe even stopped in its tracks.
Reality is our friend. It is not always nice. But it is true. We must learn from it. Shielding people from the truth doesn’t help them. It only makes them dependent on you.
Codependency will suffocate such players. Examining reality and exploring its possibilities is a more fruitful tactic.
An example: mass illness ought not lead to panic buying of toilet paper. Or random foodstuffs. The current ravaging of grocery stores is pathetic. We are a better nation than this; or so I thought!
March 19, 2020
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