Life Chapters

Childhood. Adolescence. Early adult. Early married, then long-term married phase. Possibly a divorce chapter, and a second marriage? Parenthood followed by empty nest period. Pre-retirement chapter. Retirement. Post retirement. Health decline. Death.

Are all the chapters covered? Have any been missed? Maybe variations on a theme like multiple marriages, or remarriage to the same partner? Or serial divorces? And multiple children by different life partners? Maybe a gay relationship thrown in for extra interest? 

And other avenues of life development: defining a career interest; getting along in a diverse global community; rediscovering core talents and yearnings; redefining career; mid-life crisis, or crises; serious illnesses of child; dealing with handicaps of children or spouse; seeking the meaning of life; the role of spirituality in my life; and the list goes on with each of these special themes or circumstances.

These chapters we each must cope with. We do so with varying stages of preparation, including none at all! We travel these bumpy roads alone or with life partners/spouses, or family and friends. Some of us are blessed with communities or neighborhoods rich with support and nurture. Some folk are on the street, literally; and others figuratively; without a clue as to what to do. 

Now that we have listed the chapters what are we to do with them? Do we live intentionally in each chapter? Who do we include in this work? Do we do it alone, or do we openly explore the chapter and embrace a wider group of significant others?  

Most of us ‘follow the leader’; we watch our peers. We seek marginal guidance from parents, teachers, other people who we think have gone through it before us, so should know. We are shy about asking for help. We don’t want to look like a dork. We absorb the surrounding culture and experience the new chapter. It unfolds. Along the way we make mistakes. We learn from those goofs. We begin to realize the potentials, the opportunities, the fun, the bad. We live and learn. Not perfectly. But the task gets done little by little. 

Maturing year by year we begin to seek security or expected developments. We try to prepare ourselves for what comes next. So we get married, develop an intimate, lasting relationship with our spouse, or do the best we can! This too is an experiment. No one taught us what to do; no one certified the right approach. We watched friends and family deal with these same issues and hoped to mimic their progress. Some of this we knew was not on target; but we did the best we could, just like they had. 

And so it goes. Until friends or family members, or our own kids, appeared to need help. We gave them our hand for stability, then an open ear to listen, and finally some words of advice. We were there to help them cope. To help them learn and deal with their new life chapters in a healthy and constructive manner. We gave/give them help that maybe we didn’t get in full measure when we needed it? We want it better for them; now and in the future. Decency. Happiness. Building toward the future. Giving strength and support. Doing the right thing. Because we can! 

The agencies, churches, government programs (both local and national),…all have been created to help each generation through the human experience. It is a good thing to do. It is healthy work. And it means so much more when we share good things with other people.  

How do we measure success with this work? What are the outcomes? Let’s think up a few. Doing this we will see how far we have come, and how very far we have yet to go! Things like:

• Graduation rates from high school
• Growing percent of population enrolling in higher or vocational education
• Increasing graduation rates from post secondary education
• Falling divorce rate over time
• Declining childhood death rates
• Strong career employment trends
• Growing home ownership statistics
• Declining rates of juvenile court cases, prison time
• Healthy schools and healthy communities measured, understood

There are more items we could list. But these are good for starters. “Early childhood intervention of people at risk” might be a phrase or term that describes the work that is needed. This involves families having access to counselors and programs that jump in and help when help is needed. Does your community have these programs? Do your churches band together and make sure this work is done and made available to a growing clientele who would benefit from it? Does your city or county care enough to have programs in these areas? If not, you have work to do. Not alone, but with many others who also care about these things. 

How do we make a difference? How will we measure up to the demands placed on us? First as a person who has to struggle with these life chapters – just like everyone else – but also as a helper, teacher, shoulder to cry on. This work is ours to do. It teaches us the same lessons we are helping others learn. It is part and parcel of the same thing. 

We do this together; not alone. Will the future chapters of our lives be what we hope them to be? How do we make sure our expectations will be met? 

Past – present – future…they are constantly with each of us whether we realize it at the appropriate time, or eventually, or never. These are our growth rings in the tree of life! Are they irregularly spaced, or densely packed? How much of this did we do alone? How much with the help of others? Many others? 

Thanksgiving Day is everyday or can be.

March 17, 2012