Still Searching

Who am I? Who are you? What do you, and I, want to be when we grow up?

Once embarked on a journey of discovery, does it ever end? I’ve been doing this seemingly forever. The pace slows from time to time when other priorities appear, but the search continues.

Working with young people I recognize their blank stares at times are an open question of what will they become? Their momentary silence tells me they are aware of the question just not its answer. What they do with that mystery is quite a challenge.

They could do an internet search on whatever topic raised the question in the first place. Or they may find a pop song particularly interesting, soothing, even enlightening. A casual remark among friends may spark a discussion. Or they may avoid the matter entirely and lose themselves in another way.

Let’s hope it is not drugs or alcohol; the short term release of tension may become a long term behavior filled with agony. Too often this is a chosen outlet. We know this, we adults. We don’t understand the allure but we do witness the fall-out of the choices. The real trouble begins when choice doesn’t control the situation. Choice at this point doesn’t exist. Addiction does.

Halting the cycle of addiction is a chapter of new challenges. First the user needs to stop, even if for a few hours. During that period those who have the necessary tools try to temporarily reprogram the addict. Find a break in habit; extend it; engage the inner person in dialogue that will ease their fear enough to find a small seed of hope.

Boredom may return from time to time. Snap them to attention by introducing a stimulating topic to think about. Something that concerns them, pulls at their minds, and engages their energy in thinking and doing something other than drugging. Or drinking.

I was an addict to cigarettes. I became an addict of alcohol. Not realizing my shift from reality to some never-never land I became detached from the world I thought I was a vital part of. In time I could see the distance because it was becoming a gulf – wide and deep. My goals were slipping away from me. I couldn’t control it any longer. Until someone helped me see it and medical help was provided.

As an adult I could process these happenings better, more fully. I can only imagine how a youth may not be able to handle it at all.

And so we labor on in Friday evening meetings; attempting to engage young minds so they may repair the torn fabric of their lives and resume healthy growth and development. The attempt is real. The question of success is always there. Little mysteries of what they see or notice. What captures their interest and what doesn’t. What makes them laugh spontaneously and with healthy gusto. What brings bright light to their eyes, the glimmer of interest? You can tell when it happens. Their bodies sit a bit taller; they converse with more certainty. They have engaged their mind for the moment. The challenge is to keep it beyond the moment!

What interests I have is not the point. It is what matters to them. To nurture it, press it on them until they take it away on their own and do whatever with it. Finding those interests in a sea of possibility is the challenge. Like a needle in a haystack what is it that will help them recapture reality and possibility? And hope?

Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros offers this insight:

“We give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow.”

We will continue our work to find it. To fail brings too much misery.

April 24, 2013