Do Not Be Afraid!

Working with teens. They want much but don’t know what to focus on. Is it career? Probably not; they don’t know enough about a lot of things to make knowledgeable choices or decisions. Frustration builds and for some this can take over their lives.

For those kids drugs and alcohol may pose easy solutions for their frustrations. Exploring their lives of feeling and physical growth and potential leads them places that are complex. Complex and emotional. The gulf between the logical-factual realm versus the emotional-fantasy arena grows. And it is scary. A bunch of beers can soften the blow; or whiskey; or marijuana. Or maybe something stronger. Much stronger.

Is there any wonder why young people are attracted to drugs and its supporting culture?

Listen to them talk about life. Let them rant and rave and laugh and giggle their way through a mind-bending array of topics. Observe how they handle each of them. When too jumbled and confusing, they seek solace through laughter and pleasure seeking. The cocoon of familiar social settings in which their feelings and understandings are common and allowed.

Not so in family settings. The generational divides present too many unsympathetic mindsets that discount or minimize the thoughts and concerns of the younger generation. A disconnect is created right then. And they don’t think they will be heard if their voices are even welcome in the first place!

Can you imagine that happening? Of course you can. And it does happen and it is the core transaction that creates the drug culture in America. Solve that transactional problem and you cut the drug culture off at the knees.

How can this be done?

By listening carefully to what is being said or communicated in other ways by the younger generation. Set aside your judgment. Hear what is being said and then work hard to understand what it means. The message comes at many levels. Some are apparent. Most are not. The communicator voicing the message does not fully understand what he is talking about. It is wrapped within layers of meaning and emotions and facts. It is not all logical. But it is meaningful, all of it. To him.

It is our job to hear those messages and then do something productive with them. The first obvious objective is to make the youth comfortable in their own skins and minds. These thoughts and frustrations are normal. An ‘almost adult’ is not fully an adult, and therefore cannot do what is appropriate most of the time. They will make errors and learn from them. They will grow and mature into functioning adults, like we did. Not perfectly traveling the unknown roadways, but at least doing our best.

When errors are encountered we need help to move on; repair whatever damage there is, then set out on the journey again but this time with more foreknowledge of what to expect. Countless encounters over several years comprises this delicate journey toward maturity. You did it. So did I. We came out alright. Help the newbies do the same.

This process takes courage. I don’t have the tools to understand those who are 50 years younger than I. But in many ways I do have the tools. I have ears and an open mind. And I have time and caring that this work be done well. I suspect we all do. It’s just that not all of us have the time and attention span when the kids need it most.

I recall busy times when both parents were struggling to build meaningful careers and earn significant sums of income to support the family and the costs of college educations. Those concerns were on top of maintaining health, secure home, and building a nest egg for a secure retirement. None of these items is simple or easy. All are exhausting tasks. And yet our kids need attention at the very same time.

Do we provide that attention? Or does someone else in the family do so in your place? Or does society provide the groups and agencies that will somehow step in when needed the most?

Bringing new generations forward to replace us in the cycle of life is paramount to sustaining the human race. How well do we do that? How serious are we in doing it? Do we even understand it?

When reminded of it I think we do understand. Doing something about it is the next challenge. It will take discipline and preparation. And an open mind.

Always an open mind.

October 6, 2016