Meanderings

So many things going through my mind. SCORE and my resignation from it (then changing my mind and staying involved with SCORE). Mother aging toward 103 (2/24/17) and less and less a part of this world. Retirement and the time to reflect but not do. Senior citizen status with a lifetime of experience and knowledge but fewer opportunities to apply the knowledge and wisdom for the benefit of others. The world spinning farther and farther out of control with inexperienced ‘leaders’ at the helm bent on changing the world in their own ways that are mightily different from reality. Nations spatting with one another. People spatting with one another daily. Drivers on the same roadway fighting with one another.

The signs are everywhere pointing to disagreeable people and minds. Minds. Not made up but twisted with anger, frustration and bad humor. Moody and pouty. Childlike. Not getting their way. Not thinking things through. Not allowing themselves to ponder things that matter so they can make sense of them. Use them in their lives.

And the ‘rest of my life’. What does this mean? What are the possibilities? What are the potentials? Will I use them? Will I be allowed to use them? Will anyone listen? Or is this all babbling - unintelligible and meaningless?

I remember when want and yearn were good things. We wondered about the future and poked at it enough to make some of it come into fresh being from time to time. Then back to serious work and building life in the usual way.

Now is different. It is compartmentalized by age. Young have futures and possibilities. Some don’t see this but many do. Those that do are forward thinking and have positive mind sets. Those that don’t see possibilities are stuck in the present or recent past. They do drugs, booze and whatever else abets their escape to make believe places.

Older people see futures and have a wealth of experience to assist their belief in knowing great things are ahead. Still older people know this is true but not for them. Their future is limited by health, skill sets not kept fresh, and dwindling financial resources. For them bleak speaks but with a whisper. Don’t let anyone know this is running through the mind. They might get the wrong idea!

So pleasant faces greet others until a retreat is made to home and the best chair in the world!

Turn on the TV and see what’s on; anything will do as long as it isn’t an ad. Just make noise and keep my eyes moving on shifting images. Maybe a storyline will get through until bedtime?

Once in bed turn on the TV there, too. Watch reruns of old programs because they are familiar and take no effort to watch and keep track of. Soon sleep comes and brings quiet and release.

Later – many hours so – the mind awakens and the good stuff returns. What is the meaning of such and such term, or who was the person that told me so and so did whatchamacallit? Yes ideas that suggest new activities and projects, goals and objectives to spend time on. But will I remember these thoughts when I get up in the morning? Why not get up now and jot them down? I can work on them tomorrow and have some fun with them.

Good idea! Up and at the computer keyboard. I’ll just take a nap later in the morning and catch up on sleep. Meanwhile there’s fun to do!

January 5, 2017