Stretching

"You can do anything if you want to badly enough." You have heard that phrase many times in your life. Your dad told you so; so did mom. Maybe your grandparents told you the same thing. You were probably young, under 10 years of age.

Later, when you were in your teens, you heard the statement several times more. The tone of voice was likely different. When quite young, those voices were sweet and lilting. They were meant to be encouraging and hopeful. The later voices were tinged with impatience and maybe some anger.

Come on! Admit it. Faced with an exam at school in which you have no confidence, you worry about failing the test. Or an assignment with the Scouts or church group. Maybe you were taking music lessons and there’s this one piece that remains a mess for you; it simply doesn’t sound good to you even with 10 hours of practice. Then the booming voice from dad says, “you can do it if you want to; just keep trying. The world hates a quitter.”

So now the encouragement sounds like a threat at worse, or an admonishment at best.

In college or on the first job after high school, some tasks seemed too difficult to do. You muttered something about it at home, and in earshot of the folks. Of course they told you “you can do it if you want to badly enough.”

Once in college the folks weren't handy to bleat the phrase each and every time. But your roommates were! And they handed the message to you again and again. Only this time you took it as encouragement from friends, and tried harder. It worked! Little by little you did stretch abilities enough to accomplish what once seemed impossible.

After college we accepted a progression of jobs and built a career. During all of it difficulties were encountered and we had to dig deep to complete assignments. Still later, you supervised or managed others and they experienced the same challenges as you. This time you encouraged them so the team could score a win. And they did.

With marriage and kids adding to the family core, you found yourself telling your own kids the same message your folks did. You did it with love and encouragement. At times you admonished when patience ran thin. Still, you remembered being on the receiving end.

At key moments in life, when dreams and hopes challenge our abilities, we notice the need to stretch ourselves. Singing the first solo at church is one of them. You hate the fear and worry but you stick to it and do it. Errors and all, the experience was OK; you didn’t fail miserably, and most people didn’t notice what you knew for certain was a mistake.

The first speech before an audience over 100 is also a moment of trepidation. Repeated a few times makes each added speaking engagement easier to plan and do. In time it becomes an acceptable challenge; you still feel uneasy about it, but the relief and satisfaction afterwards is a blessed reward.

Writing for publication is similar. Studying for added expertise is yet another example of stretching. Sharing what’s inside you with others makes you wonder if you will measure up. Will I be OK? Will I keep my colleagues and friends? Or will I lose them with a tarnished reputation?

Gosh we are hard on ourselves. It is normal to feel this way, however. Our emotional reactions are proof that we are struggling and growing. The stretch is our going beyond usual limits and trying something new and different. The experience helps us grow. And learn.

Advice: look on opportunities to move outside your comfort zones as golden opportunities to learn and grow. Don’t avoid them; anticipate them. Look for them. Then answer the call.

You’ll be glad you did. And the rest of us will be better for it, too.

February 23, 2018