People in Our Lives

So many people in our lives at any given moment. New acquaintances enter, some leave our circle. Longtime friends drift off to the sidelines of our consciousness. Some disappear entirely. Same with family. Some family members go on to live very busy lives without a center of remembrance of our connection. Others drop away on purpose; they alone know the reason. That is true for me as well.


I remember a favored aunt who knew me to be gay. We had discussed it privately a few times. She knew I didn’t want my mother told (her sister). I wanted to do that myself when the time was right. But the aunt went ahead anyway. Whether that was purposeful or an accident is not known by me. Both Mom and aunt are now deceased. But they had a burr with one another about something buried far in the past. I don’t know what that was, but the suspicion is auntie wanted to hurt Mom by letting her know she knew something about me that she didn’t.


I never had a connection with that aunt again. Because of that distance, her daughters (my cousins) are distant, too. Letters and emails go unanswered. So, dropping away seems to be the conclusion. It is OK. This drama is very small and private. It is not known by any others. And, at our ages, the seniors deceased and the cousins in mid to late 70’s, it is hardly worth drama.


And so it goes. With some family and many once-friends, dropping off is common. Only those near and dear are kept in close emotional contact. And yes, there are friends close in heart who live far off that remain very close and dear to me. To us. This is a normal process of life. A winnowing of connection.


Some of this hurts. When offspring distance from parent, the pain is very real. Especially so when the cause of the exile is over misunderstandings or purposeful hurt. No language shared on this among the participants. No discussion entered for clarity. Just blame and bad feelings. Many families have this dysfunction. Whether it is parent or sibling affiliation troubles, the close bond that should be there is shattered and likely not to be healed. Alienation of spirit has taken hold. A bridge too far is not accessible.


This time of year brings family and friend problems to light. They mean more deep inside than admitted. But we must live on with or without them. They have made choices and we have no control over that. None. Whatsoever.


And we wonder why international relations is so difficult to manage?  We can’t even manage our own family connections!


Peace to everyone in this season to live beyond the alienated relationships we may have. My story is similar to yours but still very unique. The same with everyone else. The stories never seem to resolve.

That is OK. It is part of the journey of life. Accept and move on.


December 30, 2019