98 and Collaborating

Today is my mother’s birthday. She is 98. Living in Arizona in an assisted living center, happy as a lark, has a boyfriend who turns 98 in two months. She reads every day, works two or three crossword puzzles, and makes the rounds of her friends in the center daily. They flock to her dining table because she remembers each person’s diet perfectly and directs them to the right meal selections. She does claim that many of her center mates belong in the Alzheimer’s Unit, but they are happier here with a little guidance.

And so it goes. Neighbor helping neighbor. Even at 98! May we each have this spirit then, today and everyday!  Please. Have the spirit. 

I know I harp on collaboration. You know why? Because it is a sign of humility. Helping someone else allows us to ask for help when we need it. It is training for us; so we can learn to lean on others when needed. Most of us are too stubborn or prideful to ask for help. Aren’t we? Yes. We are. 

I’m glad to help someone else. It makes me feel better about myself and the world at large. It is selfish I know. On my part. But it does make me feel useful and of value. Then I think of the value I have been to the other person. They feel it. They have a need and it is filled. And we have fun. We talk and laugh and enjoy each other’s company. It is good. It is all good. And the other person senses connection, and worth and forward living. Yes, it is good, all good. 

In this way – large and small – we build, live and affirm community. Not commune; community. Living in community teaches us sharing. Community builds connection. Commonality. Humanness. We learn together; live, share, play and enjoy together. Life’s possible. Life is good. Affirmed. 

Have a messy neighborhood? Tidy it up; start by yourself; curb to sidewalk; your block, then the next one. Soon someone will come out and ask what you are doing; your answer: getting exercise, breathing fresh air, and tidying up the block. Laughing, the other will talk a little, then maybe stoop over and lend you a hand. Tidying together. 

The block looks better; kept tidy. Then the next block, and the next until it is the entire neighborhood. 

Same with schools. Need mentors or after hours coaching? Need study partners for a few students lagging behind the others? Maybe it is helping with the lunch hour? Maybe it is watching the kids walking home after school, or before? Guarding against bullies? Against rogue dogs or predatory humans? Watchful eyes are good. Phone handy, or glaring from the door or window. Protection for the kids. Neighborhood watch indeed! 

Guy hobbling to the train station; on crutches; temporary ailment or recuperation. Maybe I can drive him to the station? Learn his story? Help him out? (This actually happened to me over several months following foot surgery!) 

Drab landscape in neighborhood. Plant flowers to brighten my day; for others, too. My plants attract attention, people ask how to do the same, soon new gardens planted. Many are small: first around the mailbox, or tree. Then next to the front walk, front door stoop. Then along the driveway, or parkway. Soon other yards are wearing their be-petaled finery. Beautification taking root. Spreading color and texture instead of weeds.

Collaboration. Doing for self and helping others pitch in. Collaboration. Sharing action. Then ideas. Then solutions. 

Community and collaboration. Sharing to be stronger. To be participant. To live more fully. This is how you get to 98. And happiness. 

Happy Birthday Mom! And thanks! For the collaboration in life.

February 24, 2012