I think more than we would surmise, actually. What we do
instinctively is react defensively, to protect. Then we try to make sense of
it. What happened? Why? Did I do something I shouldn’t have? Or did the other
driver?
This thinking process is productive as long as we learn how
to avoid difficulties in the future. Can we identify a peril beforehand and
guard against it? Not be a victim on the one hand or the cause of an accident
on the other?
Where the thinking process goes awry is when we assess
blame. At that point things begin to go off track. We cannot control the other
person’s actions. We can control how we let those actions affect us. It is
natural to react. How well we react and reacquire self control is our business.
Playing the blame game hurts only the self. It feels good
for a short time; but then it begins to eat at you, from the inside out! It
doesn’t really help you get anywhere useful. Letting loose of the hurt is healthy.
First we have to recognize it as a hurt.
From the Internet: “Stop holding on to what hurts and make room
for what feels good.”
A good thought to work with. And work it will take to
determine what it is that hurts. It is not always easy to do that. But once
done, toss it out and prepare for the good stuff! We can do that. Only I can do
that for myself. You too.
As I work out thoughts I’m not sure if my conclusions are
correct. Am I premature in making a conclusion? Is there more information
needed to make a better summation of the matter? Can it be improved? What am I
trying to prove, and to whom? Myself or other? And then, of course, why am I
doing this?
Because it helps me deal with the world as it is. I am
driven to understand it. To make sense of it. But that is difficult, isn’t it?
What ideas work well, and which don’t? Which get in the way and why? Is the
full context being accounted for? Am I missing something big or little? Is it
important or not?
And then what do you do with this understanding once I feel
comfortable that it is a truth? Do I share it? Do I keep it to myself? What do
I do with it?
Sharing is a way of working with the idea and ‘proving it
out’. Rubbing an idea against the thinking of others is a good test of its
wholeness. Reactions are not always accepting, but they are helpful. They let
me know how to rethink the idea or improve on it so it is more useful to
others.
Mohandas Ghandhi said: “Many people, especially ignorant people,
want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you.
Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If
you’re right and you know it, speak your mind. Speak your mind. Even if you are
a minority of one, the truth is still the truth.”
The truth may make you free, but it is also lonely. Dealing
with that is another challenge. At least you are doing the work that is
important to you and avoided by others. It will be your job to help them
understand the more complex things in life. It’s a good thing; not easy, but
good. For you and them.
Keep at it.
May 25, 2012
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