Death and Dying

Last week was a hard one for many people. None more than the parents and family of the 20 children massacred in Newtown, Connecticut, or the family and friends of the 6 school staff slain in the same mass shooting, and the survivors of the shooter and his slain mother. 28 lives lost in one event. Mental illness was involved to be sure. Gun ownership and misuse of same was also a part of the event. And now a nation mourns not just the loss of the 26 innocents, but the loss to our spirit as well ~ the void of stability we blindly rely on.

In my local life, an ill church member suffered serious health reversals and quickly died. Not an expected death so the loss is heightened by that circumstance.

And a good friend of mine, troubled and suffering from massive kidney disease, took his own life to escape the inevitable pain and discomfort of his pending organ failure. He planned his exit. He told me his intentions. I worked with him to seek alternatives but he was adamant. I diverted his attention on the many issues surrounding his estate but that could only last so long. I knew he was determined. I just didn't know when. Well, it turned out to be December 14, 2012. 61 years of age. A PhD and very bright. But troubled and ailing.

This year has brought many opportunities to examine the death of others. It also makes me consider my own mortality. I find that not a disturbing topic although it is to others.

The other evening the Worship Committee at our church was considering what topics to focus on during the approaching Lenten Season. We briefly mentioned ‘birth to death, the reality’. And it is a reality. It is part and parcel of our personal journey on this planet and not to be escaped by any one of us. As they say down at the funeral parlor, “you don’t get out of this alive.” Well, duh!

That’s the point, however. And face it we must. Better to understand life and death realistically. Birth and death give each other meaning. As one new life enters the universe another leaves it. Someone fresh begins life with an empty slate; another with a full slate leaves. Between these two fateful dates of each biography, what was done with the time? What journey was taken? What momentous discoveries were made?

Working with youth who have blotted out sensation with alcohol and drugs, what is it they need to erase? Why the rush to oblivion? Are they overwhelmed? In saving them are we helping them find a meaningful new journey? An alternate to oblivion?

I sit in a room with 6 young people, all high school age. All have a history with drugs coupled with alcohol. The two don’t mix. At their tender age oblivion is near. But to me it is not the use of these chemicals but rather the why.

I will work with them to discover the why. In the doing I hope we find for each of them the reason to live an open, bright life of discovery and joy. The risk is that we won’t succeed, but then we will all lose the potential their birth promised.

Now return to the Connecticut elementary school scene. 20 very young lives taken in violence by another young man of 20 years of age. The kids will never fulfill their promise. Their journey is complete. What does it tell us?

And the 20-year old shooter, his life is complete, too. What does it tell us? His mental illness took over his journey; and 27 other lives were taken along with it.

I do not know the answer to the questions this tragedy poses for us as a nation. I know we must ask the hard questions and find answers for them if we are to complete our own meaningful journeys. We must do this hard work. No politics. No public oratory. Just the facts and the corrective actions.

Mental illness in America remains a huge problem. It is a social ill because it affects us all – the aftermath of lives gone horribly wrong. There is personal suffering by the patient and his/her family. But if the errant journey trammels into public byways the rest of us pay a horrible price as well. It is our national problem to solve. It will take serious work to develop the programs of care and custody to safeguard them and the rest of us.

Access to hand guns is another problem that the National Rifle Association cannot be held accountable for. Yes, it is their problem to help solve. But they have proven unwilling to do so. That leaves the rest of us this question to solve:

            How can America reduce hand gun deaths by 90% by the year 2020?

Any answer to that question must not ascribe blame or condemnation. We need an answer that will cut deaths from 10,100 annually to less than 1000 per year by hand guns. We can do this. How will we manage that objective successfully?

December 17, 2012