Holiday Blahs

Do you get the Holiday blahs? I do but used to think I was the only one who did. Now I know better. The condition affects many people.

My dad used to get grumpy as Christmas neared. Thanksgiving was dandy but Christmas was another thing. It took a few years but I realized I felt the same way many years ago as our kids were growing up. I thought at the time it originated in the pressure to make others happy by making their dreams come true around the Christmas tree.

Over time I learned I was right: the root cause of my Holiday Blahs was in the potential disappointment others would have because I didn’t meet expectations.

Problem is: no one can take responsibility for making another person happy. Dreams are private. Realistic or unrealistic they are the machinations of the individual.

I didn’t understand that then; and to some extent I still muddle through the season wondering what I could have done better or different to make for different results. But alas! There is no answer to that.

Life is not about making dreams come true for others. Their expectations are their responsibility. I can only help them be realistic, or stay out of the way!

Life for me is taking care of my own basic needs first so I am not a drain on others. After that, life is about serving others. Focusing on things outside of me provides a healthy reality. It also encourages others to do the same. Ego fades. Justice grows. Community has a chance to flourish.

As holidays go, Christmas is filled with grandiose expectations. Children can’t understand this concept when they are very young, but as they grow older they learn to expect big things at Christmastime. It is a cultural force driven by advertising and retail merchandising. “Santa is coming and what will he bring me?” Over time such a question only grows in significance and wants. And as each year passes the results are sure to disappoint many a child.

Maturity informs us of the reality. But we trap ourselves into thinking we can do better than our parents and make life exciting for our kids. The process grows from there, year after year, generation after generation. Next it becomes a national goal ~ to achieve greater and greater Holiday retail sales.

Of course as adults we retain these hopes for our own lives ~ what new or better thing can I achieve or acquire this season? That special new car? A dream vacation long put off? Maybe plan that new addition for the house? Even a larger, new home?

How disturbing! The holidays are about expectation of a new beginning, a celebration of the life and relationships we already have. To make them better with more personal effort invested is a healthy answer to the holiday blahs. But will we ever achieve this?

I slept on this question for awhile. It didn’t help. I’m still stuck wondering about the blahs and what can be done about them. All I came up with were the following thoughts:

• A life rooted in others is the best medicine
• Serving the needs of others is beneficial; serving their wants is not
• Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a real disorder; shorter days produce less sunlight and this triggers depression in some people; cloudy weather darkens our skies at this time of year and lessens sunlight hours even more
• Teaching our kids what is important in life is more valuable than giving them things; perhaps feed their interests and talents and give them things that help them explore those is a good strategy
• Give your self and time to those special people in your life; such gifts do not wear out or become forgotten
• Perhaps most important, allow others to do for you at this time of year; giving and receiving strengthen each other

Finally, we may not be responsible for unrealistic expectations of others, but we can comfort them in their disappointment. In time they will heal through experience and develop more realistic expectations. We can give them time to do that.

Meanwhile, may your days brighten for this festive season. Whatever your spiritual foundations, live them fully and with conviction. Those are gifts given to you, for you.

December 10, 2012