Twenty-Somethings Avoiding Marriage?

Time magazine reports new data is available proving Americans in their twenties are not getting married at the same rate as in the past. The long held past. Wonder what may be causing this shift in behavior?

Certainly hooking up with the opposite sex is not the problem. Plenty of that is evident in everything – entertainment, movies, TV programming, internet dating sites, You Tube, Twitter, Facebook – you name it and young people are doing it. With themselves, with either sex, with both sexes together, in threesomes and foursomes, and oh my! Plenty of that going around.

So it is not sex. Even gay sex is widely discussed so that is not deterring marriage, unless you are gay, in a committed relationship and living in a state that does not yet recognize same sex marriages. But that will change in time. At least that’s how I see it from my perspective.

Well, let’s see then why deferred marriages or no marriages may be gaining statistically.  It could be from any of these reasons, I think:

-Divorce is emotional misery and very costly short and long term. Kids who have witnessed this are not as quick to jump into a long term relationship as they once were, and this includes marriages as well.

-Educational goals were once interwoven with marriage. Remember ‘married student housing’? Every campus had housing alternatives for married students. But in those days tuition, housing and fees were not as costly as they are now. The result: students are putting off marriage until desired degrees are obtained. Some degrees go on and on for years – think law, medicine and several other professional degree programs. Many of these programs require serial commitment before taking time out for weddings, kids and so forth. Such students often put off weddings until their early 30’s as a direct result.

-Career investment goals are another wedding date deterrent. Getting the right job out of school is one thing; getting a stepping stone second and third career job or promotion is another set of circumstances that put off marriages. These people are committed to both education and career in order to realize long-held personal goals. Such youth may be 38 or even 40 years old by the time they take wedding vows.

-Economics is a huge factor in wedding plans. If a student exits college with a wonderful diploma but can’t find a job, there is no financial stability upon which to base or plan a wedding, let alone a marriage. Taking that first job sets a lot of factors in motion – the city or state of residence, housing opportunities and affordability, lifestyle restrictions for family life based on training and travel requirements of the job, and so forth. That first job, if it is truly the best first stepping stone to a desired career, carries with it many life changing factors. It may not be wise to get married until this job is explored and obtained. Of course there is the issue of educational loans. Many students enter their careers with a debt load of $50,000 to $75,000 dollars. Some exceed $150,000. It takes time to work those balances down. Meanwhile weddings will take a backseat, so too, buying a home!

-Trailing Economics is another factor affecting marriage plans. If the cost of living is high, household incomes suppressed, and social obligations of the career involved, marriages may not survive. Waiting for more experience and maturity may be the best tactic to build a base for a lasting, successful marriage.

Today’s youth are not dumb. Or stupid. They see and reason. They do not want to burden themselves with education, financial stressors, career jobs AND a bad marriage. This profits no one, including the employer. It is wise to wait.

Some of us put off sex until marriage. That is passé. Today’s young people do not put off sex for marriage. They just put off marriage.

Meanwhile they are learning and exploring the things that are important to them and of lasting consequence. They are focusing on getting those things right before leaping into marriage.

See? I told you they were not dumb! Nor are they avoiding marriage. They are just prudently waiting.

June 11, 2015