Yearning for Success

What do you yearn for? What does your family, or neighborhood or community yearn for? Is it success? If it is, how do you define it? I mean, how do you define success? In any specific situation, or in the larger context, what do you mean by success?

I ask this of my clients all the time. The quickest answer is – “to earn lots of money, all the time, and not worry about finances.” Well, that’s dandy, but I don’t think that is a very good answer. Here’s why.

Success is the result of something. We work hard and earn a paycheck. In the short term that is success. We have suffered through whatever, performed tasks, put in our time and earned a paycheck. That paycheck is used however we will use it, but mostly for the necessities of life. I doubt that is the success standard my clients are referring to.

So back to the task to define what is success? When pressed the clients will add that they want to be compensated for their time, talent, work, creativity or use of investment assets appropriately enough that a stream of income results large enough to fund dreams and hopes, not just the necessities of life.

OK, now we are moving along in the right direction. But I suspect there is a very large issue hidden in all of this, and that is: What do I have to do to earn this revenue stream? Is it something I like? Is it a pleasure to perform? Is this technically work?  And to all of that I say, yes!

Of course it is more. Generating a revenue stream may be central to your definition of success, but for many that doesn’t compute. What they are interested in is feeling rewarded for being who they are and what they are contributing to that is larger than themselves. This is not an ego thing; it is a self definition issue that allows a person to realize – admit really – that they are of worth, of value, and it’s OK.

It is OK that I am overweight. That’s not an ego element to me. I am overweight and I most likely will never return to the weight I felt best at. That is a reality of aging. We cannot attain what we want because obstacles beyond our control exist. In the real world. Things don’t work out the way we want them to. Grow up and accept it!

OK, past that obstacle, my appearance is changing to something I’m not liking but it’s OK. As long as I’m not ugly or disgusting. I can live with that. I will just have to focus on other things that don’t have anything to do with liking, attractive or other superficial ‘things’.

Now we are getting somewhere. Success does not really relate to attractiveness (although that is nice!) or to money, whether in the bank or invested in things or flowing through my fingers all the time. Money is only a means of transacting business and paying for necessities. On its own it has no lasting value.

Success has much more to do with lasting value. A piece of art, for example, has value because it means something to a lot of people. It is a statement that stands the test of time. The statue of David in Florence is such an example. It is a classic. It has presence that makes the viewer ponder life. It whets the brain to think. As does most serious art – sculpture, painting, fabric, ceramics, music, literature, theater – whatever is art is also activity of the mind. It is a one to one relationship. It is not always apparent. But it connects just the same. And it is remembered. Lasting value. Lasting presence. It is not money although many will strive to own it so it will be readily accessible to stimulate their mind.

So, again, success; how do we define it? Maybe it is the nondenominational payback or reward for doing something we are good at that satisfies our inner self in some way. Being of help to others is its own reward. You might get paid for doing that help but most of the time you won’t. You feel good about yourself because you helped another person. That’s a form of success.

When I ask a client these questions I’m really looking for a clue to what drives them in life. What is their passion? What are they doing in life that they want to continue doing other than survive? When I dig deeper most clients respond: “I want to make a difference in the lives of other people”. Now that’s what I’m getting at.

The next series of questions is uncovering what they want to do action-wise to achieve the result of making a difference in the lives of others. At that point we begin to enter the realm of measurable. And that’s when the real work begins.

The intellectual exercise that starts it all, however, is defining success. How much of that intellectual work have each of us done? Some? A lot, or none?

Sadly I think the latter is the most common answer in today’s America. If we had done the work so much of what we consume in modern culture would be dumped immediately. So too self absorbed politicians.

It’s time to roll up our sleeves and do the brain work. Who are you? Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? What is success and how do I define it for my life?

Start with those and see where it leads you. Your journey will be filled with awe I promise!

March 24, 2016