Willow, our dog, died this past Monday evening. We decided to euthanize her in the vet’s office after three days of dicey health condition. Clearly she was not self-sustaining and old age finally caught up with her. We did not want her to suffer. That decision was easy.
Not easy was knowing the empty space in our hearts and home would be huge. I had prepared for this over the last 3 or 4 months. I noticed Willow’s struggle from time to time and wondered if this were signs of the end. They were. But we gave her time, and us.
We needed that time.
Her absence is felt keenly. Today we will clean up the house a bit. Throw out unused food, treats and toys. Remove her queen pillow in the office. Wash blankets she frequented for nesting. You know the type of things we are talking about. Many of these we eye during the day and remember her. A catch of breath tells us we are healing.
I’ll never forget the peace on her face before she drifted off. Furry. Eyes partly closed. Snuggled into our arms. A prayer with the Vet masterly performed by Pam our neighbor and great friend. I’ll remember the peace of that moment. At other times I’ll recall the alert stare, the wagging tail with pompom end, and her questioning look for a treat or a hug.
In recent years Willow was losing eyesight in both eyes and hearing. She had difficulty judging distance and avoided heights, beds or sofas. She wanted to nestle close to us but feared the descent later. We usually helped her down to ease her trepidation.
On walks she barked ahead of us, warning others she was our protector. With failing eyesight there was normally no one there to warn! But she lived her role to the end. Small, wiry, alert and responsible. She was our pack leader.
As much as we were part of her life, she was very much a part of ours. We were not complete without her. When we left social gatherings with the assertion that we ‘had a dog at home in need of a walk,’ that was true.
Now it is we who need the walk. And the protection. And gentle lift.
Such are the phases of our creation. And endless joy.
October 17, 2019
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