Unexpected Loss

Learned Wednesday that a church member died in his sleep Tuesday night. He was only 49. Two girls in college, a junior and a PhD candidate. Mom works with young kids in special care at a local school. Entire family active in our small Lutheran church. Committed. Dedicated. If you want anything done, ask them; they not only will help but will excel with the project.

Same with our friend. He was a master working with teenagers in confirmation classes and church projects. Ministry projects on the road with teens was his specialty. Unflappable was his style and what was needed to make a dent in the minds of overactive teens still struggling to figure out life.

But then we are all in that struggle. With his sudden and early death, we are stunned into silence. Shaking our heads, we are still wondering why. A few hours later we are still shaking our heads and beginning to realize we don’t know what we will do in his absence.

That’s not all: we wonder how his wife will get through this. We are pained knowing of her pain. Most of the time we counted on her to make us laugh and get through heavy tasks. She was our go-to person for ideas, work, and help. So was he. The dynamic duo has been interrupted, torn apart. How will we help her? How will she return to her role in the church family? Will she? And what do we do about the ache in our hearts that yearn for the quiet, warm presence of our deceased friend?

When I started writing this posting, I needed to get my thoughts down on ‘paper.’ As it unfolded, I turned it into a blog post. As I continue to think this through, I am not certain I will publish it in this place and in this form. I need to think about it. What began as a personal moan session, has turned into a comfort piece for the deceased’s family. More than that, this has become a broader airing of loss we humans experience throughout life.

Loss comes in many shapes and sizes. It comes unexpectedly most of the time, but sometimes we are given time to know it is coming. A recent death of a family elder, we are reminded that all of us elders are approaching a moment of goodbye. Doesn’t seem so dire put that way, but for the survivors it most likely is dire. The passing of a friend, respected colleague or a loved one, always challenges us to place life and death in a healthy perspective. Over time we get better at doing this. We become practiced. The loss is real each time, though.

And the older I get, the more the losses accumulate. Natural, I know. Still painful. No matter what I do or say, the beat goes on and the losses keep happening.

Each of those losses have their own dimension and value. We are engaged differently with each but they are all important and have worth.

In the current case we are stunned and at a loss. Too soon we say goodbye. Way too soon. And to his family, our deepest sympathies. Our shoulders are available for comfort to you. Let us lend them to you anytime you need them.

September 6, 2021