Gay Bachelor

So, Colton Underwood, 29, of The Bachelor TV program has come out as gay. That is fine with me. He is handsome, cute, and very attractive to most people. Me included, but then I am gay, and don’t we all have some fantasies?

For discussion purposes I am aware that most people will agree that being gay in America is not easy. Not today or in the past. Especially in the past. When I was growing up the topic was not spoken of in the household. The word ‘gay’ was not in use to substitute for homosexual. That came later. Role models were not present. The only thing that meant gay then were private, mysterious stirrings in the body suggesting something was different with me. I did not see it in others. So, I kept it secret.

Keeping that secret defined my life for a long time. I protected myself from others finding out. I self-isolated to lessen the fear. My personality grew but at a different pace than other kids. My interests developed by way of other paths. My life was different. And all because I did not know what it was that made this so.

That was in the 1940’s and 50’s. By the 1960’s things had changed but remained secretive and violent. One did not let anyone else know they were gay. By the 1970’s society was making noises that they were more enlightened, but then the AIDS pandemic appeared, and religious zealots claimed this was God’s revenge on gay people. Too many believed that or at least remained silent about it. The damage to the gay community continued.

In 2021 we are much wiser. We are more experienced with the social phenomenon of gender orientation. More research done and followed. More teaching and understanding. Our society has accommodated this awakening to facts. Even their behaviors have changed toward gays.

But not for everyone. Gay bashing continues. Violence and death remain a reality for the gay community. Discrimination, shunning, and stigma still plague the community. Generations must learn this all over again while others who have not changed their mindset fuel an obstinate stigma against gay people.

Maybe Colton Underwood’s experience will help others understand. No one is asking another person to be gay. It does not work that way. Others are asked to accept the reality of gender orientation for what it is, an unchosen way of life that harms no one and is as natural as apple pie.

Recruitment is not a thing. Now fantasies are another thing. I have mine. And you? Let us have this little secret among ourselves, eh?

April 22, 2021