Thought for the Day

I don’t know who wrote this or even which website carried it, but Rocky found it and shared it with me the other day:

            “When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.”

To that I say Amen!

In a large way I’m writing the story of my life through this blog. I started it for many reasons. It has helped me clarify my thinking. It has helped keep my raging thoughts out of my newspaper writing! It has opened lines of communication among many friends and family members.

Giving witness to your own thoughts as they form, or as they collide with other ideas you didn't think had any connection, is exciting. I’m responsible for what I think at any given moment. The words I write have to connect with reality and logic. A discipline takes shape in the process. It is a good discipline.

Writing seems concrete and forever. Talking does not. Too many do not ‘own’ their rants or thoughts. Putting those same ideas into print makes a difference. It attaches to the person. If they wish to disown them, they watch what they say and write in the future. For all of us that is a very good thing.

Think about your own story. How will it shape up? What do you hope it will become? Are you owning that story or letting others write it for you?

Think what that means – to you today and to you in the future. Who is the author of your life?

June 29, 2013

Equality, Before the 4th of July!

Well, it’s about time. The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) has been struck down by the Supreme Court as unconstitutional.  Most people believed DOMA was flawed from the beginning.

For those who don’t, that’s too bad. Freedom of Religion does not carry with it the power to enforce religious beliefs on those who do not so believe. Period. Marriage is both a religious ritual and belief, AND a power of the individual states to license a marital relationship between two consenting adults. Both exist at the same time. They do not create special rights to either gays or churches.

As I write this post I just learned that the Supreme Court also allowed California to recognize same-sex marriage. That ruling does not extend to all the other states, but for now same sex marriage in California is legal once again. In all other matters of gay rights the lack of DOMA avows powerful individual rights.  A great day for freedom, I think.

Let the 4^th of July live large this year. Let freedom ring for all Americans, not just conservative, or liberal, or religious or atheist…all people. That is what this nation is about. We individually do not agree with one another. But freedom and rights we ought to agree on.

So, marriage is both a state and a federal matter. If you live in a narrow-minded state, too bad. But at least our country got it right! 

Now, for abortion rights, live your life as far as you believe. But leave those who disagree with you live their lives accordingly. Abortion rights and the Right to Life are both able to live along side of each other. Have done so for decades.

Voting rights…for blacks, Hispanics, immigrants, whites…all should be able to vote equally throughout the entire nation. There ought not be special procedures in one state or county that makes it difficult if not impossible to vote. Those special election laws should be abolished forthwith. And Congress has the responsibility ~ the duty ~ to make sure this happens.

Meanwhile, the Congress dithers about deficits, defense strategy, social legislation outside their ken, and also dithers about a fair and just immigration regulatory environment. Shame on them. The real work of Congress continues to beckon but they ignore.

Shame on Mitch O’Connell. Shame on John Boehner. Perhaps they need re-education? Perhaps they need a clearer understanding of our Founding Fathers?

Time is nigh for such work to be done!

June 28, 2013

Leading and Serving

Are you one who serves the needs of others? Are you a leader? Do you possibly see yourself filling both roles? Hopefully so. They are dependent on each other I think.

Voltaire (1694 – 1778) said, “The comfort of the rich depends upon an abundant supply of the poor.” They provide the market of users or consumers of goods owned by the rich; they supply the cheap labor the rich use to produce the goods to sell. And so on. But Voltaire would have encouraged you to serve the poor and lift them up.  He would have educated them tirelessly so fresh ideas could pour forth. Voltaire was all for enjoying, working, and serving. He was a leader of the Age of Enlightenment.

Now, John Quincy Adams (1767 – 1848), the sixth president of the United States, shared this statement with us:

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”

With the 4^th of July so near it is good for us to ponder both of these quotes. We are reminded that disparity of economics is not permanent for individuals, but transitory. The poor may always be with us but a person need not always be among the poor. Individuals can aspire and reach different levels of financial ability. Serving them will help gain financial strength.

Teachers serve students. Of all ages. They help individuals acquire the reasoning and facts with which to expand knowledge and self sufficiency. Students are freed to go on to invent new things, new methods, and new lives. Each step affects others and inspires them to do the same. As the masses move forward so are others swept along the current of change. And in America that change also translates to prosperity. We all share in it. We all play a role in it.

Leaders have a quality of power inasmuch as they help others change their lives. But leadership is not power alone. In modern America we tend to see leaders as people of power. In a real sense they are, but such should not be confused with power of political persuasion or authoritative might. That’s another kind of leadership that often goes awry.

The 4^th of July ought to remind us that the people hold the power of the nation, not individual leaders. We let them become leaders by electing them, listening to them, but we do not necessarily have to follow them. Political leaders can influence but they do not hold power that trumps the people.

We seem to have forgotten that.

I read with interest the latest Supreme Court decision affecting the Voting Rights Act of 1965. The court did not throw out the law. It merely asked Congress to do its job. It is Congress who is to draw the map on which states, regions and communities are to be held to federal election laws. Should those identified areas not meet fair election requirements, they cannot change election laws without federal approval. The map is what is out dated in the mind of the Court. So it is Congress’ duty to amend it.

Will they? Are they able to do that? Probably not. They have been little able to accomplish much these past several years. They are too focused on ‘power’ and have forgotten those they serve – the people. The Supreme Court has maintained the separation of powers defined in the US Constitution. The Executive has authority and duty. So does Congress. As does the Supreme Court. Now will everyone just do what they are supposed to?

If not, changes will be made by We The People. Are we up to that task? I think we ought to prepare for it!

June 27, 2013

Rules

Here are a few rules and guidelines for life I've garnered over the past two years.

• Pay your Bills. Do so on time. Else you will learn that people do care if you are alive!
• “A great democracy has got to be progressive or it will soon cease to be great or a democracy.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt
• George Carlin reminds us: “If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?”
• “Did you know America ranks the lowest in education but the highest in drug use? We can fix that. All we need to do is start a war on education.” ~Anonymous
• “The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go instead of how far they have come.” ~www.wisdomquotesandstories.com
• “When Jesus broke the law by healing on the Sabbath, he was making a point.” ~Mark 3:1-6    “…you are no longer bound by the old laws…the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’.” ~Col. 2:20-21, Gal 3:23-25; 5:18, Rom 13:8-10
• The Minnesota Atheists.org reminds us: “Please don’t indoctrinate me with religion. Teach me to think for myself.”
• Tweety Bird insists on this rule: “If you’re going to be a smart ass – first you have to be smart; otherwise you’re just an ass.”
• Beware of lying on the floor. “At my age rolling out of bed in the morning is easy… Getting up off the floor is another story.” ~Author Unknown

Surely there are many more rules. We live a life in a sea of laws and regulations. Not all apply all the time. Many are situational. Knowing when to use them requires another set of rules!

I've learned a few really good rules to guide my life. They are hard to realize and harder to live by. I do so imperfectly. Here are two that make the most sense to me:

            -Find humility in your life; do not take things so seriously

-Treat others as you want them to treat you. No ifs ands or buts. Humility helps to do this well.

A short posting today. However, it is well worth studying, and chuckling a little as well!

June 26, 2013

Economics

Stock values rise. Stock values fall. Hundreds of millions of investors – some savvy, others not – make decisions that affect closing prices on each and every stock. Elated by upswings? Depressed by falling prices?

Live with it.

Supply and demand is affected by both emotion and behavior. Of many people acting independently and en masse. If that floats your boat then there is a cause and effect thing working and you can call that a reason why the price rose or fell on any specific stock offering. Nothing more can be said about it. There is no major intellectual finding to be extracted from the happening.

Sort of like a weatherman stating the obvious: it rained today. It might rain tomorrow. Be prepared. 

Thank you very much!

Economic newscasters are not either – economists or casters of news. They predict and pontificate on unknown causation of what they are blabbering about.  I know this sounds harsh. But I have reason to say these words and to feel the heat behind them.  Public talking heads affect the news, stock prices, and the futures of countless billions of people. Just by opening their mouths.  If they simply reported the facts they and we would all be in a better place.

CNBC ought to shut down operations. They offer no palpable value to the human experience. Same for Fox Business News. It’s not about business or news. It is about opinion and influence. Period.

Like reporting on the weather, merely tell us the opening and ending prices on the markets. Indicate if we need umbrellas or parachutes for the next day. Otherwise keep your opinions (half baked as they are!) to yourself.

June 25, 2013

Limits to Freedom

When human beings inhabit adjacent space all Hell can break lose. Things happen. Thus rules were formed to maintain order. Some of these rules were common sense courtesies to be polite and pleasant. Orderly. Neat. Tidy, even!

As relationships grew beyond family and immediate neighborhood, social ties stretched and human nature pushed its limits. Rules were strengthened as laws, which came from authority entities that emerged as governments – large and small.

In this manner freedoms were lessened so that all may rely on the resulting order for peace of mind as well as body. Freedom thus has boundaries. Those boundaries are defined willingly for purposes of comity.

The “American Voice of Reason” is found on Facebook and shared this about President Theodore Roosevelt:

“I believe in strong federal regulations to protect the people from unethical  business practices.”

The AVR goes on to state:

“President Roosevelt signed the Pure Food and Drug Act, which created the FDA to inspect food and medicines for safety. President Roosevelt, also known as the “Trust Buster”, took on the corporations who were anti-competitive and hurting the public.”

Such are limits to individual freedoms.

Now please turn your attention to women, American women to be more specific.

The Republican House of Representatives last week, June 19, 2013, passed legislation to restrict all abortions to the first 20 weeks of pregnancy. No exceptions.

It is a good thing that the Senate will not approve the bill so it is dead on delivery. If for some weird reason the Senate did approve it, President Obama ha vowed not to sign it.

Women, pregnancy, abortion, freedom, gender politics, conservatism, liberalism, middle of the road-ism, -- you name it, whatever these terms mean, they are opposite of one another when they ought not to be.

Ann Richards of Texas gave us this to think about regarding conservatives:

“They blame the low income women for ruining the country because they are staying home with their children and not going out to work. They blame the middle income women for ruining the country because they go out to work and do not stay home to take care of their children.”

At some point individual freedom is inalienable. The Constitution says so. But law makers seemingly cannot keep their personal views out of this matter of abortion and women’s bodies. They frequently opine that women cannot possibly make these decisions on their own. They insist that men must somehow insert their influence in this issue. And thus make regulations and laws governing it.

Why should this be a public policy matter? Because it affects public education? Public safety? Public welfare costs? Public whatever?

Please. Each of us humans makes decisions. Some decisions have consequences for self and others. In the matter of reproduction, women make choices that brings new life into the world. They do that with the cooperation of a man and voila! A fetus results. One or the other – man or woman – takes responsibility for the consequences. Hopefully they do so together. However this turns out it is not the purview of legislators, either state or federal.

Freedom is the delineation here. Not the result of that freedom. Society must work with the results, the consequences of people living their lives of freedom. Sex exits. It is also an active verb. Babies are the result. Live with it.

Legislators must remain out of our bedrooms both figuratively and literally. That is the sacred ground of personal freedom. In the same way this is the sacred ground of gay relationships, too.

Now. Terrorism. Conservatives agreed that government spying on its citizens was OK a long as terrorist acts were averted. Liberals were uncomfortable with that, but they went along with it with the gloom and doom of 9-11 hanging over their recent memory.

That spying apparatus continues to operate. But now it is anti-American as a Democrat is in the White House executing the very laws a conservative president promulgated and conservatives avidly approved of at the time? Why is it wrong now and not back then?

Freedom. It is a responsibility and threat and a gift all at the same time. There are limits. Just as long as you leave mine alone!

June 24, 2013

Thought for the Day

Freedom is for me,…and you,… to live and have. If I’m free to be me then no one can deny me that identity, the essence of what I feel is me. If there is someone that does deny me my identity, then I am not free.

Freedom has limits. The boundaries are immediately surrounding a person. I cannot penetrate that boundary without permission. That entry to another’s space is a transaction agreed upon freely by the two individuals. Thus freedom is maintained.

Freedom is breached when permission is not granted but usurped anyway.

Think about this over the weekend.  What do we do with our freedom? What do we allow others to do with our freedom?

June 22, 2013

Strong or Weak?

I think I am a purposeful person. I think about things: ideas and circumstances; environments and dreams. I write about them. I also have opportunity to work with many people and their problems. If I can help them I will. Now retired I have time to devote to community needs I recognized while still active in my career, but couldn't do anything about because of time limits. Now I can invest time and effort on those needs.

It is fun to do so. It is creative work. It is challenging to meet people from so many walks of life, ages, health, ethnic backgrounds…you name it, we have the diversity to work with. The encounters, however, have demonstrated fundamental differences in how different people approach living their lives. Some are energetic and creative; others are idle observers and go with the flow; some people are stymied by challenges and sink below accumulating problems.

It’s rewarding to work with volunteers who gladly work to solve community problems, and lend a hand to someone in dire need. These folks are happy and healthy. They have energy and a ready smile. But we often don’t know what they are enduring in their own lives.

I found this on the internet the other day:

“Sometimes the strongest among us are the ones who smile through silent pain, cry behind closed doors, and fight battles nobody knows about.”

                                                                        ~Author Unknown

How true this is. An older parishioner at our church is suffering a health issue. He is a collector of motorcycles, has a passion for old cars, and remains active. I've seen him in local parades, caught glimpses of him riding one of his prized motorcycles around town. I've known him to take extended trips by motorcycles. I think of him being young and vigorous, and happily smiling always. News of his health problems uncovered his age of 87, and a digestive problem that turns out to be cancer. His life is now threatened. I had no idea his age was as advanced as it is, and that he had been having health problems. His active lifestyle and positive outlook fooled me.

How many others do we think are just fine and dandy but are secretly dealing with heavy issues in their lives? Oh we know the ones who make a big deal about their problems, in fact share their predicaments with many but don’t do much bout them. They await help from others. They live their lives very differently from those who suffer in private but remain cheerful.

Wonder to which group of personalities I belong? Hope I’m the silent suffering smiley person! But maybe not! Guess I’ll just have to be more purposeful and aware. Not a bad idea for each of us, eh?

June 21, 2013

What Do You Want To Be?

I was struck by this quote from John Lennon the other day:

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.”

I’m sure some people will say this is cute. Others may say it is clever. I think it is profound. The fact that Lennon remembered the incident to report it years later tells me he also thought the idea was profound.

What did I want to be when I grew up? Many asked me that question. Probably you too! I never had a very good answer, as I recall. As years passed I was continually flummoxed by the question.

The simple answer is, ‘I want to be me’. Of course I want to be doing things that interest me. Most of the time, however, kids are pressed to think in terms of vocations, jobs, careers. Of course they don’t know enough about life to really answer correctly. A fireman? Policeman? Doctor? Nurse? Those are the usual responses.

As I work with youth and adults with problems, John Lennon’s answer makes more sense. It is also much more accurate.  To be happy. That covers a lot of territory. It means we are doing activities that reward us in little ways, mean something special just to us. It is not about money or success or the usual host of goals. It is about happiness. Feeling good about the self, the environment, the day to day routines. All of that.

Getting in touch with the inner self throughout life is an important task for each of us. It is a motivating factor in many personal decisions. Going with the flow is not a good lifestyle; it leads to shallow thinking on matters that lead to major decisions and commitment in life.

In my strategic planning career the single most important step was getting clients to focus on the basics: What is your organization’s mission, its prime reason for being? What makes your firm unique in the market place? What do you feel best about your organization?

When all of that is sorted out the next key step is uncovering the organization’s dream – how would you like to describe your organization 10 or 15 years from now? What will it become? Will its mission remain the same? Will your markets and methods of operation change? How successful will you become and how do you measure that?

Mission and Vision relies on basics. Like ‘happiness’ people and organizations have to remain true to themselves if they are to be successful, no matter how that is measured.

The key question remains: ‘What do you want to be when you….?’  Hopefully your answer will begin with ‘happy’.

June 20, 2013

Challenges

There are many challenges facing us each day, or is it really we who face the many challenges? Either way they pose a struggle.  A test is this quote from Paul Krugman:

“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year-old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course involves orcs.”

I read this quotation many times in recent days. Got its meaning and filed it away for future use, but then this morning its actual meaning popped to awareness. Startling. I had it backwards. I read it wrong.

And now it makes perfect sense. Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged novel was published in 1957 as her last major literary effort. She pushed forward her philosophy of objectivism and conservative utopianism as an abject refutation of central government power. Unfortunately she lost her humanity in the effort but has kept intellectual political pundits alive for decades now. Too bad.

Ayn Rand created a childish fantasy which became adopted by adults thus creating the unbelievable heroes. Self centered to the point of actually creating an era of ‘Me-ism’, the war between liberals, conservatives and moderates was redefined and truly re-engaged.

That has led us to our current gridlocked Congress where pride is taken in defying authority and stopping all action or progress. Utterly. With a smug smile on the face and a cocktail party held to honor it. Tragic.

Of course the Lord of the Rings is a childish fantasy created to teach the young and the young at heart that right and wrong are always present and always vying for victory. But in the end right will vanquish wrong and evil if we work at it, and work together. What could be a better ideal for America than that? Cooperation and collaboration for the good of all mankind, not just one nation or a select few.

After all what Ayn Rand failed to realize was the simple reality of labor and its ingredient to success. Capital realizes no profit if labor is absent from the equation of production. And labor to be fruitful must be fairly paid for it to support a life worth living in the first place. And the consumers who feed the pockets of the owners of capital!

That argument is not a philosophical argument pitting communism and capitalism to its age old struggle. It is merely facing the reality that the capitalist model works best when it is looking out for both the owners of capital and the holders of labor. The system then works. Governance is still a function required to keep the social order working well and its costs must be paid. Taxes are therefore needed and not a forcible taking of one’s wealth. They are a responsibility of us all; fairly levied, fairly paid; for a just and fair society.

Having said all of that, we need to cozy up to problem solving. We have much to do.  Albert Einstein reminds us, however:

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

That is a good reminder! We created these problems one way or another. We all share that reality and we must share the solution process as well. But new ideas will be needed to accomplish that goal.

On the world stage we might also do well to remember this anonymous quotation found on the internet:

“Before we were Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Sikhs…we were human. The funny thing is that we still are; we have just forgotten it.”

And we have allowed all of that forgetting to get in our way to solving international problems. Especially terrorism and getting along with others with different backgrounds than ours. We are just different, not enemies. We are still humans with the same needs and feelings among us all.

That’s the international arena, for our American playground of ideas perhaps Rachel Maddow’s caution would be good to follow:

“Let’s argue. Let’s have the great American debate about the role of government and the best policies for the country. It’s fun. It’s activism. It makes the country better when we have those debates. And your country needs you. It needs all of us. But two things disqualify you from this process: You can’t threaten to shoot people and you have to stop making stuff up.”

That would give us a great place to start from. Facts and lack of threat. Just discussion of what’s wrong, where do we want to wind up 10 years from now as a nation, and how do we get there. No blame ascribed for what is now wrong. No assumption of facts not in evidence. Just logic and mutual consideration.

We might actually learn to like each other and have respect for our differences.

We have a lot to gain from this adult behavior. Let’s give it a try.

June 19, 2013

Birthday Thoughts

Today I am 70! I can’t say it feels weird. Nor can I say it is unremarkable. It just feels natural. How about that?

Most of my life I dreaded the decade birthdays – 30, 40, 50 – so for some odd reason I lived them beforehand by dreading the birthdays ending in 9! So 29 became a year of mourning for the 20’s, 39 for the dread of 40, and so on. For some reason this ‘game’ ended in my 50’s. Maybe I just accepted the reality of the years ticking off inevitably?

At any rate I still felt my 69^th year was actually a rehearsal of 70 and I was not shocked to finally reach this milepost. 70 is not so bad. No year really is bad for that matter. I do not fear dying and my family has mostly lived long and fruitful lives. My mother is still alive; 99 years old and will be 100 in February 2014. I have every expectation she will hit that mark!

Dad died ‘early’ at 88; most of his male kin lived well into their 90’s even without modern medical miracles of today’s standard. My mother’s family has lived long as well; she has a sister 102 and nearing 103; last year she lost a 97 year old sister; her brother died at 95 several years ago and the youngest of her siblings is now 91. Her dad and mom both lived past 94. So good genes all around.

My life has been a little more complicated than theirs. I smoked to excess against all precautions. I also abused alcohol for a while as well. Both addictions are under control and no longer plague my waking hours. Who knows, however, the damage they did to my body and its projected longevity.  Oddly I don’t mind thinking about this. It would be unnatural for me to dwell on it in any case. It just doesn’t matter.

What does matter is doing well with the days and hours with us now and just ahead. Am I living them well? Is there purpose and value in each day? I think I can honestly say yes to those questions. I feel good with my life as it has unfolded. I feel purposeful. There is a reason to awake each day and it wouldn’t be the end of anyone’s world if I failed to awake one day. It would be just another happening in the universe’s spin through space.

What matters the most is how I feel about myself and my relationships with others. On that score I feel good. Not perfect. Good. And that’s OK. We win some and we lose some. I can try to be liked by everyone but most likely I’ll lose some part of myself in doing that. So I put up with unhappy and miserable people. They are in their own world of hurt and won’t let others inside.

As I contemplate seven decades of life I am growing to realize finally that happiness is not a constant. There is always struggle. It is the struggle that makes other matters have value. They have come into my life with effort. Earned. The best I can do is live the simple formula Rocky found on the internet the other day:

Add laughter to life; multiply by love; subtract hate as best you can; and that yields happiness.  Not a bad formula. Hard to live up to but well worth the effort.

Have a happy life, day and year!

June 18, 2013

Opening Closed Doors

From www.wisdomquotesandstories.com comes this:

“In life we sometimes feel that all doors are now closed for us. If that happens in your life remember a closed door is not always locked.”

I have an acquaintance that has had a long stretch of difficult times. She is a substance abuser, frequently unemployed, cozies up to friends for help with the basics in life – food, housing, companionship – and avoids making the hard decisions she could use to build a life of self reliance. A victim she is of…what exactly? An attitude? Bad breaks? A disease?

I’m not sure. I make a bad judge of these matters so best I leave that alone. What I can do is help her recognize the real world. Help her confront the things she can change. Urge her on to accept a more responsible role for her own life.

Yes we all confront closed doors in life. But as the quotation reminds us, not all closed doors are locked. Turn the knob and push – and it may open to a fresh opportunity. Try the door. If it opens, walk through and explore.

It’s like another quote from the internet the other day – “When you really pay attention, everything is your teacher.” (Author Unknown) Open the door and face what is behind it. Study it for the possibility it may hold for you. Understand what it is and where it may take you.  Build the possibility. 

Ignoring the reality of our surroundings condemns us to losing the good or at least not taking good advantage of the good that presents itself.  My acquaintance could use these attributes to also avoid the bad that is buried in our context.

She lives in a negative environment. A free tenant in a house being readied for an estate sale. It is a construction zone. It is chaotic, noisy and a mess. In this place she has recently attempted suicide. She is most unhappy with her present housing. Yet she does nothing about that. Moans a lot and complains. But does nothing constructive to find another place.

My role in this? As estate administrator it is my responsibility to preserve the value of the asset of the estate – the house itself – and her presence is impeding that effort. The suicide attempts divert energy from solving problems – hers and the household’s; and they only serve to complicate the issues rather than solving them. My untrained hunch is she needs to be in a medical facility that will care for her and provide her skills to take charge of her own life. That will be up to her or the courts to decide.

I cannot live her life for her. None of us can. It is her life to do with what she will.

Og Mandino was a long time motivational speaker and author. His advice to all:

            “Always do your best. What you plant now you will harvest later.”

Recognize doors are to be opened as well as shut. Possibilities are to be explored and adapted to if they fit the circumstances. Attempting such actions are the seeds of the future. They may not yield immediate results but they very well may in the future.

How can I help my acquaintance see the opportunities rather than the barriers? Any ideas? Or should I just leave this to others and the courts?

Time will tell.

June 17, 2013

Thought for the Day

Life is not perfect. We wish for more than we have. We want to feel better than we do. However we have more than we acknowledge. I think we need to think about that regularly.  It’s more than counting your blessings. It is knowing that others have a much more difficult life than I do.

An anonymous quote captured from the internet the other day:

            “I have seen better days, but I've also seen worse.

             I don’t have everything I want, but I do have all I need.

             I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up.

             My life may not be perfect, but I am blessed.”

Not a bad summation! We should all think on this for a few hours this weekend. Just mull it over in our minds as we go about our weekend chores and errands. And be sure to welcome sunshine into your life and the aromas of nature!

Enjoy the weekend! And a happy shout out to all the fathers on Sunday!

June 15, 2013

Follow Up to Yesterday

My posting yesterday challenged us to know thyself and live accordingly. It advocated a continual personal exploration and self discovery. And it exhorted us to apply those discoveries to living life as fully as possible.

Today I want to touch on what happens when we don’t live by the opening paragraph.

John Lennon was a realist and he shared this thought with us:

“We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight.”

I’m not suggesting public indecency, but love is a more decent human activity than violence yet his observation is true – we often hide valuable aspects of life and allow the hideous to occur in the open. I know we don’t want it this way, but what are we doing to change the reality? What is the cause of violence? Greed? Self-centeredness? Do we seek to change why violence occurs rather than treating the symptoms with more police protection or better insurance coverage? Wouldn't it be better if we encouraged a kinder, gentler soul to be on parade?  Public displays of affection are often scorned. Social sensitivities are touchy on this subject. Why? Why that and not gun violence, or bullying, or any of a dozen other behaviors?

Freedom. Personal freedom has limits to its expression. They are socially assigned limits, usually ruled by ‘good taste’. Yet we have trouble taking action on the heavier freedoms for fear…of what exactly?  Last I checked gun slinging in America died with the Old West. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not arguing the second amendment topic. I’m just remarking that violent behavior in our nation gets more of a ‘pass’ than matter of bad taste. Last I checked, bad taste was still left up to the individual.

John Trudell made this statement:

“I’m just a human being trying to make it in a world that is very rapidly losing its understanding of being human.”

Understanding being human. A baseline of our existence. Are we respected? Do we respect ourselves? Are we taking charge of our own life? Is family supportive of these efforts? How do we allow each other the freedom to explore the inner self and make decisions based on our findings? Or do we label the person as ‘delusional’ or ‘pie in the sky’ thinker?

It is good to dream of possibilities, the future, whatever fuels our imagination. It is a stretching of the inner self and prepares a call only we can hear and answer. The question is, do we allow ourselves this freedom? Are we supportive of others to make such a commitment on their own? Or do we pooh pooh such efforts?

It is human to ponder ideas. It is creative to match ideas with other ideas. It is courageous to seek new interests, new jobs, new frontiers to fuel our sense of the future.

If this is good, and I think it is, we must determine if our public institutions and social networks are supportive of this work.  Are schools helping students take charge of their lives and guide them down their individual path? Next time you talk with a teacher perhaps you should ask that question. Does the teacher feel supported in such professional efforts with his or her students? This may be a starting point to insure your kids are getting the kind of education that will fuel a life time of exploration and discovery.

June 14, 2013

Knowing the Score

Picture yourself at a dinner table in a crowded room; maybe it is a wedding banquet? Or maybe a retirement dinner? Or maybe it is just a small number of friends sharing a drink later in the evening at a nice cocktail lounge. Conversation turns to what? Jobs? Health? Family activities? What topics are likely to be focused on the most?

Our society is getting more nervous discussing current events and political issues. Polarization has us heated and emotional at times so these topics may not be the focal point of your chat. No. What might be?

I think it could revolve around these topics:

• Shifting demands on the bread winner
• Career challenges; how to meet them in a competitive environment
• Motivating the kids to take charge of their own futures. What are their goals?
• Inter-generational demands: will our elders needs help from us? Will our kids need help from us well into adulthood?
• Are we adults preparing for retirement? What do we want to do in our elder years?

You are bright readers. You most likely captured where I’m going with this! I’ll spell it out anyway: Life is forever changing and we must be willing to change to make the best of life; this requires honest self examination and exploration.

My Renewed Mind is a Facebook site. They shared this thought the other day and I think it fits our discussion:

“The greatest challenge of the human experience is discovering who you really are. The second greatest is living in a way that honors what you discovered.”

If we apply this quote to our list of discussion topics we may find help in answering the questions posed.  I have always felt I examined my life thoroughly. I intentionally wondered where I was in my career, where I wanted to go and did I really want to remain on that track? I also considered alternatives. I tried to assess if my skill sets were appropriate to what I said I wanted to do. I thought about personal things, too – was I supporting my family more than financially? Were family members thriving in our home? Were they expanding their sense of self and possibility? Were they living intentionally or on automatic pilot?

These are not easy questions to answer. Many times they are difficult even to ask! They put us on the spot. It’s accountability – for self and others close to us.

Exploring and discovering the world around us helps us learn about ourselves. Self examination leads to discovering strengths and weaknesses we otherwise would not ‘see’ or actively ignore and cover up. Also, did we find out we changed with a changing world? Or did we take a safer route? Or did we strike out on our own to do our thing?

Finding out who I really am is not an easy task. It takes honesty, time and discipline. It requires external inputs, too. Who do I trust that will give me the honest story about me? Can I handle that honesty? And when it is all said and done, did I really find out who I am, or did I sweet talk the findings?

The quote I cited above challenges us to find out who we are. Not try to find out, but really work at finding out. THEN do something with that knowledge and adapt it to our lives moving forward. Both steps of the quote are enormously difficult. They require a discipline to conduct the process and keep at it throughout our life. Failing to do this will lead to falling short of our potential. Disappointment and frustration surely follows. Happiness will seem elusive or hollow.

There is a worse outcome as well: if we can’t handle this with our own life, how can we be effective parents with our children? They need the same challenge to learn about themselves over several years. They need to learn the discipline of self exploration and self discovery. This will become a powerful motivator for them throughout life. They will follow their interests in school and hobbies and friendships. They will expand their horizons. They will know better how they want to spend their lives. They will eventually make major decisions appropriate to those interests. They will be more adaptable to a changing world and maintain a sense of self, family and happiness.

The beauty of diverse populations is the enriched content of our lives. If we don’t engage the diversity, creativity and potential of each person, we limit society’s possibilities. We will increasingly live according to the lowest common denominator. We will find it increasingly difficult to rise above current problems. To avoid that end we must be self discovering.

Albert Einstein said,

“The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.”

We need courage to break out on our own, to break the bonds of conformity for the sake of social order alone. The mind is creative and needs freedom to function fully. Finding the true center or meaning of you is liberating. I can do more, experience more and become more than I presently am.  Same for you!

George Bernard Shaw stated:

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”

And they can obstruct progress of others!

We've heard these aphorisms before: Know thyself; be true to yourself; help others become more of themselves; be open to new ideas and learn to adapt to change.

We are responsible for ourselves and others close to us. Are we really attending to this important task? Really?

June 13, 2013

Feeling Good

Winnie the Pooh is a wise bear. When Piglet asked: “How do you spell love?” Pooh replied: “You don’t spell it. You feel it.”

Feel it? Yes feel it. Comfort. Safe. Wanted by someone and wanting someone. Just sharing space. Sharing time. No words needed. Just together. From love.

Another way of feeling good comes from Abraham Lincoln:

            “When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion.”

All great religious thought dwells on good and love as the result of living true. It is the way and the end. Yet we often lose sight of that. Even our churches lose sight of it from time to time. Arguments. Struggles of conscience. Resentments. Lack of forgiveness toward others; worse – toward oneself!

Be good. Do good. Feel good. Pretty simple. Yet we shirk from this way of living because we have fear. Of what? Maybe we fear being viewed as simple? Or naïve? Or being taken advantage of? If we do feel fear, then we probably don’t feel love.

I think fear is related to courage, but Ambrose Redmoon reminds us:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something  else is more important than fear.”

Fear and courage related. One keeps us from acting out our values or beliefs, while the other enables us to do so. It takes courage to live a principled life. It takes courage to push back fear and live fully anyway. Yes I may be hurt by others when living in this manner. However, I learn from their action that they didn't really hurt me; they damaged themselves. Nothing spotlights the low road better than the view from the high road!

Mark Twain gave us this quip: “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”

Perhaps we can change that a bit. A bit because I can only change myself – or not!  I certainly cannot change another person, though! Impossible. We all know that. That doesn't stop us from trying, does it? We push our kids to be something we don’t know if it suits them. We expect wonderful things from leaders we elect without giving them the support people or resources to actually accomplish what we want them to. We hamper them with countervailing sots who only think of their own political power. We expect our spouses to fulfill our ideal rather than allowing them to live fully the person they are. We fell in love with them for many reasons; why change them into another person later?

From the internet comes this anonymous quote:

            “Life is like a camera…

             Focus on what’s important,

             Capture the good times,

             Develop from the negatives,

             And if things don’t work out,

            Take another shot.”

Love that! What is important is love and the good it brings into our lives. With that we can work towards ideals that will raise up lots of others. If we do our job at this, others will do their job, too. Eventually we will enrich the quality of life for all simply and easily. For all. Not just a few. All.

That idea makes me feel good. Doing good makes me feel good. Being good allows me to love others and myself. I think it makes me more lovable, too. And that’s not a bad thing. No; not at all!

June 12, 2013

Living Losses

This has been a week of surprises. Losses were among them. That’s plural.

One loss was a friend in the community and church. His wife died last December after a difficult but short illness. While in mourning he began to feel poorly and was found to have cancer as well. He died just five months later. His funeral was yesterday.

A friend who has been in addiction rehabilitation for many years for both alcohol and over use of prescription drugs attempted suicide twice in the past 2 weeks. She lives in a home for which I’m now the estate administrator. I have begun eviction proceedings against her for two reasons: the house needs to be emptied and refurbished for sale and she won’t voluntarily leave; and second, the living environment for her is toxic and she needs to find a healthier facility that can tend to her medical and mental health needs. The eviction process has lost me two friends: her and a close friend who has been trying to help her.

The helping friend apologized yesterday for his unkind and emotional retorts to me and I think our friendship has survived. There may be hope for the tenant as well; a thawing of hostilities seems to be happening.

Then there are a host of colleagues who have viewed the eviction transaction with curiosity and wondered if I’m doing the right thing. They, however, are withholding judgment and I think understand the complexity of the issue. So no loss yet. Just the threat of loss.

Then there is the awareness that many friends and colleagues over the years have come and gone from my life. Some through death; others from long distance relocation. Most, however, have been lost merely through the ebb and flow of life’s relationships. There are seasons in which we gather new friends, and while they or I grow and develop, our ways part; not intentional but happenstance. They were very important to my life at key moments; then – a fading away. Not intentional distancing but natural and inevitable. Sometimes we need a relationship with someone just for a while; they have something to share with me; I with them. We are both stronger for the meeting up.

The time to move on is not in our power. It, too, is happenstance. Sometimes, though, we are not prepared for the loss.

Friday night, the youth group chose to discuss grieving. Quickly the talk shifted to the cause of grieving – a sense of loss. Even more quickly tears began to flow as each person shared with the group who they had lost and why that person was a significant part of their life. In some instances it was a grandfather who with wisdom gave room for the kid to grow through a difficult time while the parents were not so understanding. Another case chronicled the loss of a teacher who meant a lot to the student. Another story involved a parish priest who had become a mentor in addition to confessor. A bond was formed that helped both persons but one passed away and left the other mourning.

As we discussed these painful memories the two mature adults (mature because we are over 50!) tried to point out that all of life involves comings and goings of special people in our lives. Some are present for decades while others only months. Some are romantic interests; others are for wisdom; still others are instructive in special skill gathering while others are sources of laughter and enjoyment. So many levels of friendship, of companionship, and of relationship. So many ways to value someone. And when gone from our lives, so many losses to account for.

Mourning is not only for loss through death. It is loss of access, presence and sharing. Loss is the absence of something or someone in our lives. We feel it. But how do we deal with it? The kids talked of their loss of alcohol and/or drugs in their lives. Ceasing the addictions involves a loss. They had used substances to salve wounded souls and escape. Now that is shut off from them. There is a loss to be reckoned with.

The group shared pain with each other. Pain experienced when one realizes the impossibility of return…

During this sharing one fell to sobbing. Mostly guys in the group, a silence grew deafeningly. She apologized; the guys demurred; no, no, this is natural, you should feel free to express it. They expressed their sorrow over her pain. It was a pure moment of eloquent youth!

Pain felt is something learned. There is a balance that is maintained in life. We learned that a few weeks ago. We learn while feeling – pain, gloom, depression, sorrow, glee, laughter – it is all good, all instructive.

Although a tissue laden session, the group parted in a productive mood. All good. It was all good.

Loss. Mourning. Accepting loss and valuing it. They will remain with us, the losses. And one day we will know for certain that it is all good!

June 11, 2013

Making Sense of Opportunities

Projects at church, at the chamber of commerce, at the Park District, with the Arts Council – what work do we have to do right now to move projects along, and what work do we need to dream about for the long term? These are things that keep organizations dynamic, meaningful and useful for their communities. It needs input from all kinds of people if the fruits of the work is rich and diverse.

We have a new bridge coming to town. It will replace the existing bridge that is structured too low and drags its bottom in the river during high water times. The bridge acts sort of like a dam and backs water to higher levels upstream. The river has also been allowed to change course that threatens future erosion, flooding and commercial buildings; so the river’s flow will be redirected and the bridge needs to move as well. This development alters traffic flow somewhat, and changes the dynamics of nearby intersecting roadways. The result may be construction of a ‘roundabout’.

If the roundabout comes to pass its center will need landscaping and possibly an art installation to beautify the area. As well the four bridge abutments could be home to art installations.

The need has been voiced by a few towns’ people and the Arts Council has been asked to consider what they would do in these spaces if funding were available.  So we begin the process of considering themes, materials, and art forms appropriate to the task. An interesting process. Creative. How much involvement from the community do we encourage? How much should we spend? And from which resource? All important questions. We are only at the beginning of this process which we are inventing as we go! Should be challenging but also fun.

Then there are artists in our community and nearby towns who need support if their art is to grow and prosper. A neighboring community has a publicly funded art gallery that also serves artists living in our town. The idea is to get the two communities working together. So our arts council will reach out to them to create art classes, exhibit events and public awareness programs – all in the interest of preserving and encouraging art in our communities.

We already have a performing arts program sponsored by the Arts Council. They have been programming events featuring drama, dance and music paid for from city grants stemming from hotel/motel taxes. The next season needs to be created for grant applications due this fall. What to do? Which art genres might the public be most supportive of, and which might they gain the most insight from? All things to consider as we attempt to further performing arts in our small community.

Meanwhile the town’s newspaper has made some gains. Primarily designed to serve our own little city (13,000 population), we have served two neighboring towns as well. One is a city of 26,000 people while the other is a village of 9000. We mail our paper to all homes and businesses. That is costly for a volunteer paper with limited advertising. Expanding advertising to the other communities will hopefully expand revenues, enough to mail to more homes and businesses in the other towns. The village community we have mailed to once per month for nearly a year. Both neighboring towns receive the paper at high traffic sites we hand deliver to. We've done that for 2 years, now.

The village community, however, likes the paper and has recruited a group of 6 writers to cover events and issues in their town for the paper. Last Friday was our first delivery by mail and drop-off of their own customized edition. It is an exciting time. That village has a spotty record of two other newspapers, each vying for political position, not news objectivity. Townspeople approached us to cover their news and we challenged them to find their own objective writers. We could not do it justice because we don’t live there. They agreed. We are excited to see how the paper is received and how well it prospers.  We have our fingers crossed. If it goes well their community will benefit greatly. If that happens we should gain ad revenue which will ensure our existence.

Our paper remains totally volunteer staffed and non-profit. In fact we have operating debt we are slowly paying down. Before anyone can get paid on a normal basis all debt must be retired and current operating profits maintained before remunerating writers and operations staff. I suspect this is a long way off.  Newspapers in major cities have a difficult time surviving. Local press has died off significantly. Our model may be the last gasp of opportunity to keep small town newspapers alive. Stay tuned for developments!

As we cover news in our own community we learn how people deal with the major issues of life and death. Which streets are being rebuilt, which need to be but don’t have funds readily available? What is going on in the schools and how are students dealing with modern life? What about sports, both youth and adult? Are recreation programs accessible and well attended? Are the arts getting their due? What about local governments and their financial health? Is the public involved in public decision making so governments are supported? And what of the economic health of the immediate region. Are jobs available? Home values stable? Quality of water and air? What is being done to control seasonal flooding?

These and other issues affect the quality of life of a community. In ours many people are involved asking questions and seeking answers. This alone makes for a healthy community. But it doesn't come automatically. It happens only if some people care enough to take a stand and lead on some issues, while others consider the facts and agree to be good followers. Sometimes those roles are reversed as the issues change. But a community is healthy if at all time there is a cadre of people involved in the life and well being of the community. Volunteers all. Concerned, too. Giving and generous of ideas and effort to make things good for everyone.

Such is a healthy community defined. May this be true in your community. It is in ours!

June 10, 2013

Thought for the Day

I know there is much to do at this time of year – attend graduations, wedding showers, weddings, Mothers’ Day past, Fathers’ Day approaching and always the march of birthdays of family and friends throughout the year. This is spring so there is cleaning up the yard if you have one, re-landscaping, painting and fixing up the exterior of the house if you have one, washing and polishing the car, shopping – you name it and it’s on our weekend chore list.

Bur – I want you to sit down this weekend and read a book!  Finding the time will be hard but make the effort. If you don’t go to church and don’t work on Sundays, take an hour and begin reading a book you've meant to read all along. Get started!

Paul Sweeney gives us this quote I wish to make the ‘thought for the day”:

“You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend.”

I've felt that over and over. Hope you have too. If you haven’t you are not reading the material that really captures your interest!  So search what suits you best. Visit the library and take out the book, or download a book to your electronic reader, or buy the book online or at a real bookstore. The latter is the best bet. The staff will help you find the right book, and the experience of feeling and smelling all the books is something not to miss!

Treat yourself right and read a book. Get in the habit of that. You’ll be glad you did!

June 8, 2013

In This Together

Building community is everyone’s business. It starts in the home and moves to neighbors. Getting involved in neighborhood activities helps expand to other blocks in your neighborhood. Being an active member of community-based organizations like schools, charities, service groups and church, really brings connections to the task. An enjoyable task at that!

At work we can be community minded as well. Helping to design and maintain attractive business communities is a voluntary activity whether in an industrial park or a downtown retail shopping district. This work ensures pleasant surroundings for both employees and consumers. Ample parking, seasonal plantings, healthy trees – all are a part of the environment that supports healthy businesses.

Community building includes enriching a community’s human qualities as well. Are the local schools supported well enough to enthuse and prepare students for their lives ahead? Career development is one outcome, so are effective citizenship commitments we instill in our students. And art, music – the so called ‘soft’ attributes of a community – are they abundant enough to positively affect the quality of life for the younger generation?

Ron Shaich is a founding partner of Panera Bread. He made this quote in the December 2, 2012 issue of Parade Magazine:

“My message to corporate leaders is this: Unless we take care of the society we live in, there won’t be any society left to support our businesses.”

That’s a powerful statement. It is not just the responsibility of the business community, however. The task belongs to each and every one of us. Citizens, home owners, apartment dwellers, church goers, employees, employers, kids, retired elders and everyone in between.  We have much to contribute to our community and society at large. Knowing this is one thing. Doing it is another thing.

My experience is involvement in good works is addictive. Do a little and you are drawn into doing more, not because you ought to, but because you see the need and feel great doing the work.

Another bonus? You meet the best people who share the work with you. Fun, intelligent and purposeful. What could possibly be better? And it doesn't raise our taxes, either!!

June 7, 2013

Going with the Flow

Arise in the morning, stumble into the bathroom for the normal routine. Slide on some clothes, not much, just enough to walk around the kitchen and not embarrass neighbors who might catch a glimpse through the patio door. Make the coffee and prepare the teapot for later use when Rocky comes downstairs. Boot up the computer, check emails, answer what can be done quickly, delete the junk and order the tasks for the day.  Next check the internet, post my blog written the day before. Write a fresh posting if I’m behind schedule!

Thus the day begins. The calendar is checked for obligations throughout the day and logistics planned for use of our one vehicle. Writing assignments are listed, and pounding the keyboard begins soonest.

Breakfast intervenes at some point but the day moves on to customize to the demands planned and not planned. Queries for the paper are fielded, researched and written. So are blogs but that comes from a different place in the mind.

As the day moves on I’m aware of themes, facts emerging, rhythms of public opinions, issues shifting about. An idea rises from the chaos to unify or organize the seemingly unconnected items. That idea grows. And a blog topic pops into view.

There are those days when I am disgusted by dissension, the chaos of separate minds making strange conclusions from the very same data others view – and yup! they come to different conclusions as well. Although this is frustrating at first, it actually gives me the meat to write about, to make sense of. It is calming for me to do so. It is very much a therapy.

It is not therapeutic if I’m angry as I write. Those times I need to be calmed; else all the noise is a venting. Not useful to the reader. Not useful to me either, to tell the truth, but it does relieve pressure!

This process confronts me daily, seven days a week. But this truth comes startlingly alive: my opinions shift with new information gathered.  I become hungry for fresh input to better manage my opinions on related matters. It is refreshing to me. It keeps my brain keen. I look forward to each new day because of the possibility of gaining new information and insights. It is fruitful for me to do this.

That may make me a strange bird. But it makes me sane (my opinion!). This practice helps me account for differing opinions among many of my friends and family members. We rarely agree on these things so it is important for me to understand the difference yet allow me to think as I do. The discipline of the process is important. It forces facts to yield truth. The latter is the grist of good logic and subsequent discourse.

Let the times roll. Let the information flow. Allow me the freedom to think it through. The task is never done but the journey contains much interest and fun!

Thanks for letting me go with the flow!

PS: A happy birthday shout out to my former wife Ann and my new daughter in law Eduenis. May both of you have a day of beauty and fresh thoughts!

June 6, 2013

New Beginning

After a dreary period of damp, humidity, dark clouds, swamps of rain, blustery winds and a long threat of severe storms and possible tornadoes, the early spring of northern Illinois has happened. Maybe more of the same will re-occur but at least for yesterday and today the weather has dawned each morning bright, crisp and sunny. No rain. Maybe  a scudding cloud. But still the sun.  Precious and welcome. A chilled air remains but that soon will become hot in maybe a week or so! Spring here is short.

So too are the dramas we must endure within family and among friends. People in need of self expression and longing. Whether realistic or not, these expressions and longings will be said for many to hear, and lived out in actions bold if not futile! But they too will pass into the summer of our hope.

Alan Cohen gave us this gem: “Do what is healing to your spirit and without effort you will bring the world healing in return.”  Living your spirit’s drive freely will demonstrate its value to others to observe. And that will heal their hurts as well.

Good advice. Lovely thought well formed.

I sometimes marvel at how easy it really is to heal oneself from moments of pain. We have more resilience within than we give credit for. We are stronger than we think. We believe deeper than we sense. Letting these elements pour forth unhindered brings us to healing almost without planning.

And that’s when the greater magic happens! Our manner of healing is visible to others whether we know it or not. And they see healing at work. It may seem effortless or not, but healing nonethesame. It is that healing they may pine for and need to witness. It gives them hope. It begins their healing in some small way.

Living lives of authenticity gives power to others to do the same. That can be for good or ill; however, with the right commitment it will be for good.

I want to couple this theme with a quote I read the other day by Oscar Wilde:

            “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

I had to read this several times slowly and with changing emphasis to gather its full impact. Living is not existing; existing is not living. They are different from one another. To live is to fully embrace all of life’s experiences and sensations. It is an act of fulfillment. Done with integrity it expands the person without diminishing another person. It takes courage to explore and discover; but it is fun, exciting and worthwhile.

Most people exist: eat, breath, love/have sex, work. Maybe they hope. But fear normally cuts off their hope and their courage to live more fully. It becomes the norm. Sad but true.

Rather we should live as fully as we dare. It will fuel more daring and growth and fulfillment.

Being too private is another side of fear. It stifles discovery in ones own life. Worse, it denies your efforts from being viewed by others. Hence the two themes combine. Live life fully and share it in full light of day. Others will draw inspiration and hope from you. And they will live more fully and inspire yet others.

Maybe too optimistic? We can only try. Do try!

June 5, 2013

Repercussions

Some of you may recall I fell heir to the role of estate administrator for a friend who died in December. The experience has been interesting to say the least. And challenging!

First it took a month of trying to learn the deceased’s attorney was not interested in playing any role in the estate. Through thoughtful referrals a specialist estate lawyer was engaged and the process began!  By the end of month 3 the Probate Court had named me administrator, judged the estate intestate (without a will), and provided me the authority to manage the estate.

In the next month I acquired an estate checking account, forwarded the decedent’s mail to my home address, filed an insurance claim to repair damage made by raccoons and the suicide of the decedent. The fifth month witnessed removal of clutter, trash and non-valuable goods along with destroyed carpeting, wall board, bed and bath demolition materials – you get the picture.

Eventually an inventory was performed on contents of the home with a stab at establishing an estimated value of the estate. Finally, more death certificates were ordered, bills were paid, other financial obligations researched and better understood. Three years of property taxes have yet to be paid but transferring investment account balances into the estate checking account will make those payments possible this week. Hopefully.

Meanwhile two people live in the home as originally invited by the decedent. Both were unemployed and homeless. Being a generous and lonely man, the decedent offered his home temporarily for both of these individuals – a middle aged man, first; a middle aged woman, second. Both came with health and emotional problems.

The man is a disabled tradesman and one-time building contractor. To earn his free rent he agreed to supervise the home’s mechanical operations, repairs and pending insurance claim to rehab part of the home. Meanwhile he moved household contents so work crews could do their work unhindered. He also removed years of accumulated junk from the basement, closets and garage.

The woman posed other challenges. The two ‘tenants’ do not get along and I refused to be their referee. An unhappy home became even unhappier. She began to drink again and to over medicate her existing ailments. Two weeks ago she came home very drunk and stumbled to the family room couch whereupon she slept undisturbed through din of construction and clearing operations.

The next morning I planned on taking the legal step of evicting her. Before I began that process, however, I received word that she had attempted suicide by drug overdose. A close friend of hers received her phone call telling him of her actions. He called police and in turn an ambulance arrived to keep her alive and transport her to hospital.

The following day I followed through in seeking an eviction of her from the home. This would provide her with the stimulus to find a healthier living environment, simplify the estate’s management and get me back on track to finalize liquidation of the estate’s assets to satisfy heirs, tax collectors and the desires of the decedent.

The grief the eviction process has stirred has totally refocused the problem on me and why I would threaten her sobriety. If that sentence offends or surprises, imagine my reaction.

Sobriety was abandoned by the patient herself. Both medications and alcohol were used in plenty. This had nothing to do with me or my role. Her sobriety is her responsibility not anyone else’s. Pure and simple. Is the current household capable of meeting her needs? Not at all. It is a huge problem that she needs to remove from her life. Her housing and treatment needs must be managed by her or an agency with proper credentials and resources.

My job is to safeguard an estate and its assets so that the value can be spread to pay off obligations, and produce net values to be transferred to the rightful heirs. The Probate Court will supervise my performance and guide me along the way. An attorney is on retainer to help me do those things.

Care and nurture of a temporary guest in the home is not my responsibility; restoring order to the household is my job so estate work can continue.

But first I guess there is drama to be survived. I’m hoping the eviction judge will understand later this month for the safety of all concerned. One can only hope. I’ll let you know what happens as it takes shape. Meanwhile, pray for all concerned!

June 4, 2013

Youth Message Follow-up

My May 13^th blog posting was a two-pronged message I wanted to deliver to the youth group I work with on Friday evenings. The group is comprised of teenagers between 14 and 18, mostly 16 and younger. They have all been caught as under-age drinkers or drug users. They are in the program because their parents mandated their attendance, or a judge did order it or threatened the parents that he/she would!

So, at the beginning of their journey in the program their attendance is not usually voluntary. They’d rather be somewhere else. Their program lasts 6 to 9 months for most.

Friday evening closes their week’s program with a junior Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Obviously not all have an addiction problem with alcohol, but they have been caught consuming booze while underage. Most of them have been cited for using marijuana, amphetamines, prescription drug abuse of all kinds, and yes, even cocaine and heroin. Some became habitual users; others were recreational users but trafficked the goods to earn funds to pay for their own drug use.

I’m present to bring a workable 12-step program into their lives. No one can make someone use the 12-steps; that’s up to them. If they see the value of it they will adopt it. My role is to help them see the possibility. Most of the time we will never know if our work blossomed. We can only hope it does.

The two messages I finally shared with them Friday evening were these:

First, education and learning is a process of discovery by each student. Such a process will support life-long learning and development of the person. Education should rarely be by rote. Do today’s kids feel ‘talked to’ or listened to? Do they feel respected in the process of learning? Are they engaged in a partnership of discovery with their teachers?

Second, are they willing to endure pain in order to understand life? Some people avoid pain at all costs but then lose the strength to discover themselves through discomfort.

The group Friday night was unusually small, two young women and two young men. Two adults were present. Here’s how they handled the discussion.

Both women readily picked up the discussion. They were excited. The youngest man was also animated and engaged in the discussion. One fellow was distant and uncomfortable or unwilling to engage. In a larger group these four persons would likely engage in the same manner, but the others would likely avoid the hard thinking involved.

I sensed these kids wanted to talk about their experiences. They have felt talked to rather than ‘engaged’. Education as rote – routine, memorization – is what they feel predominates in their classrooms. They seemed to hunger for involvement in the process of thinking. They demonstrated excitement at exploration and discovery. They brought their own motivation to the process. And no, they don’t feel this is what their education has been like.

So, Jean Piaget (1896-1980) was right when he queried:

“Are we forming children who are only capable of learning what is already known? Or should we try to develop creative and innovative minds capable of discovery from the preschool age on throughout life?”

I think today’s youth are willing to engage their own education and development. In fact they are anxious to learn more about life as they experience it. They will need guides along the way until they can manage it themselves. But telling them facts does not make those facts real to them. They have to deal with them. They have to relate to them to make them real, to have functional value.

Three of the four kids Friday night shared real experiences with the group. Time flew. The hour was over in a few minutes.

The second message – avoidance of pain or discomfort – was a lesson hinted at but not much discussed. They got the message, though. I could see it in their faces. Whether they will remember it the next time they are tempted to solve an immediate problem by smoking weed, drinking a bunch of booze or taking other drugs, I don’t know. I can only hope they will think about it and not take the escape route.

Feeling no pain for a moment or a few hours does not solve the underlying problem. It only prolongs it and makes it grow to larger dimensions. It makes it much more painful to deal with later on. That’s one of life’s painful lessons. Will they grasp it and use it?

Only time will tell. Hopefully an understanding ‘other’ will be nearby to help them.

June 3, 2013