Today I am 70! I can’t say it feels weird. Nor can I say it
is unremarkable. It just feels natural. How about that?
Most of my life I dreaded the decade birthdays – 30, 40, 50
– so for some odd reason I lived them beforehand by dreading the birthdays
ending in 9! So 29 became a year of mourning for the 20’s, 39 for the dread of
40, and so on. For some reason this ‘game’ ended in my 50’s. Maybe I just
accepted the reality of the years ticking off inevitably?
At any rate I still felt my 69th year was
actually a rehearsal of 70 and I was not shocked to finally reach this
milepost. 70 is not so bad. No year really is bad for that matter. I do not
fear dying and my family has mostly lived long and fruitful lives. My mother is
still alive; 99 years old and will be 100 in February 2014. I have every
expectation she will hit that mark!
Dad died ‘early’ at 88; most of his male kin lived well into
their 90’s even without modern medical miracles of today’s standard. My
mother’s family has lived long as well; she has a sister 102 and nearing 103;
last year she lost a 97 year old sister; her brother died at 95 several years
ago and the youngest of her siblings is now 91. Her dad and mom both lived past
94. So good genes all around.
My life has been a little more complicated than theirs. I
smoked to excess against all precautions. I also abused alcohol for a while as
well. Both addictions are under control and no longer plague my waking hours.
Who knows, however, the damage they did to my body and its projected
longevity. Oddly I don’t mind thinking
about this. It would be unnatural for me to dwell on it in any case. It just
doesn’t matter.
What does matter is doing well with the days and hours with
us now and just ahead. Am I living them well? Is there purpose and value in
each day? I think I can honestly say yes to those questions. I feel good with
my life as it has unfolded. I feel purposeful. There is a reason to awake each
day and it wouldn’t be the end of anyone’s world if I failed to awake one day.
It would be just another happening in the universe’s spin through space.
What matters the most is how I feel about myself and my
relationships with others. On that score I feel good. Not perfect. Good. And
that’s OK. We win some and we lose some. I can try to be liked by everyone but
most likely I’ll lose some part of myself in doing that. So I put up with
unhappy and miserable people. They are in their own world of hurt and won’t let
others inside.
As I contemplate seven decades of life I am growing to
realize finally that happiness is not a constant. There is always struggle. It
is the struggle that makes other matters have value. They have come into my
life with effort. Earned. The best I can do is live the simple formula Rocky
found on the internet the other day:
Add laughter to life; multiply by love; subtract hate as
best you can; and that yields happiness.
Not a bad formula. Hard to live up to but well worth the effort.
Have a happy life, day and year!
June 18, 2013
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