Knowing the Score

Picture yourself at a dinner table in a crowded room; maybe it is a wedding banquet? Or maybe a retirement dinner? Or maybe it is just a small number of friends sharing a drink later in the evening at a nice cocktail lounge. Conversation turns to what? Jobs? Health? Family activities? What topics are likely to be focused on the most?

Our society is getting more nervous discussing current events and political issues. Polarization has us heated and emotional at times so these topics may not be the focal point of your chat. No. What might be?

I think it could revolve around these topics:

• Shifting demands on the bread winner
• Career challenges; how to meet them in a competitive environment
• Motivating the kids to take charge of their own futures. What are their goals?
• Inter-generational demands: will our elders needs help from us? Will our kids need help from us well into adulthood?
• Are we adults preparing for retirement? What do we want to do in our elder years?

You are bright readers. You most likely captured where I’m going with this! I’ll spell it out anyway: Life is forever changing and we must be willing to change to make the best of life; this requires honest self examination and exploration.

My Renewed Mind is a Facebook site. They shared this thought the other day and I think it fits our discussion:

“The greatest challenge of the human experience is discovering who you really are. The second greatest is living in a way that honors what you discovered.”

If we apply this quote to our list of discussion topics we may find help in answering the questions posed.  I have always felt I examined my life thoroughly. I intentionally wondered where I was in my career, where I wanted to go and did I really want to remain on that track? I also considered alternatives. I tried to assess if my skill sets were appropriate to what I said I wanted to do. I thought about personal things, too – was I supporting my family more than financially? Were family members thriving in our home? Were they expanding their sense of self and possibility? Were they living intentionally or on automatic pilot?

These are not easy questions to answer. Many times they are difficult even to ask! They put us on the spot. It’s accountability – for self and others close to us.

Exploring and discovering the world around us helps us learn about ourselves. Self examination leads to discovering strengths and weaknesses we otherwise would not ‘see’ or actively ignore and cover up. Also, did we find out we changed with a changing world? Or did we take a safer route? Or did we strike out on our own to do our thing?

Finding out who I really am is not an easy task. It takes honesty, time and discipline. It requires external inputs, too. Who do I trust that will give me the honest story about me? Can I handle that honesty? And when it is all said and done, did I really find out who I am, or did I sweet talk the findings?

The quote I cited above challenges us to find out who we are. Not try to find out, but really work at finding out. THEN do something with that knowledge and adapt it to our lives moving forward. Both steps of the quote are enormously difficult. They require a discipline to conduct the process and keep at it throughout our life. Failing to do this will lead to falling short of our potential. Disappointment and frustration surely follows. Happiness will seem elusive or hollow.

There is a worse outcome as well: if we can’t handle this with our own life, how can we be effective parents with our children? They need the same challenge to learn about themselves over several years. They need to learn the discipline of self exploration and self discovery. This will become a powerful motivator for them throughout life. They will follow their interests in school and hobbies and friendships. They will expand their horizons. They will know better how they want to spend their lives. They will eventually make major decisions appropriate to those interests. They will be more adaptable to a changing world and maintain a sense of self, family and happiness.

The beauty of diverse populations is the enriched content of our lives. If we don’t engage the diversity, creativity and potential of each person, we limit society’s possibilities. We will increasingly live according to the lowest common denominator. We will find it increasingly difficult to rise above current problems. To avoid that end we must be self discovering.

Albert Einstein said,

“The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.”

We need courage to break out on our own, to break the bonds of conformity for the sake of social order alone. The mind is creative and needs freedom to function fully. Finding the true center or meaning of you is liberating. I can do more, experience more and become more than I presently am.  Same for you!

George Bernard Shaw stated:

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”

And they can obstruct progress of others!

We've heard these aphorisms before: Know thyself; be true to yourself; help others become more of themselves; be open to new ideas and learn to adapt to change.

We are responsible for ourselves and others close to us. Are we really attending to this important task? Really?

June 13, 2013