Cold Wind Alone

Riding a bus through Middle America during college days. Those were long trips from upstate New York to central Illinois. And any visit to relatives in the Midwest usually involved a bus ride too, maybe to Chicago, or Des Moines.

Knox College in Galesburg, Illinois, was served by two major rail lines so buses were not entirely required; they were cheaper, however.

Still, sitting in a worn bus seat and peering out at the passing world sets a stage of remembering. The cold bare landscape of winter. Crops long harvested and fields now gray and stubbly if not snow covered. As far as the eye could see a horizon wide vista of Midwestern soil asleep for the winter.

No people visible except in the small towns. Trees leafless, barren. A time alone. The bus rumbles through these landscapes relentlessly but on route and mostly on schedule. 20 or more strangers sit in their aloneness, too. Older ladies often told me their stories – sons and daughters who now were captains of industry and doing quite well! But she chose to remain close to her roots while the rest of the nation moves on to the future. “Just don’t leave your folks, sonny.” Those conversations were mostly the same. The women talked; men didn't. Young riders were much like me, college kids traveling cheap. Studying, thinking, solitary.

Wondering where and when my future would happen I stared at the landscapes building images of what I wanted to do in life. How to use my college education. Who I would meet. How I would spend my time. All I really knew for sure was I didn't want to live my life alone.

Robin Williams said this once:

“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.”

Did I end up all alone? No. Am I with people who make me feel alone? No.

Rather two things. It isn't over yet; there is no ‘end’ yet. There is still time. More importantly, there is life all around, people all around, and things to do all around.

I do not feel alone. My fear did not occur. But still you know there are people everywhere with this same fear – even worse, they are indeed alone because the people around them have let them down. Chilling I think.

Then again, did people let these folks down or did the individual let himself and others down. What choices did he make? What challenges were avoided to keep peace, the peace that wound up being the soulless whistle of an empty plain in winter viewed from a rumbling old bus?

July 16, 2013