Festering Group Problem

Continuing on from yesterday’s blog I want to focus on a group problem, one that is festering. Such usually are grounded in personal issues among individuals in the group. Perhaps it is an actual slight or an imagined one. More likely it is a slight unintended but felt none the same. Accidents of wording make it sound intended even when it wasn't. This issue, however, is not with the deliverer of the slight; it belongs instead to the recipient.

No matter apologies given or explanation of the circumstances, the recipient is in control of how he feels about it. He or she may be in a sensitive spot personally and will likely react no matter how the remark was intended. They are vulnerable and feeling badly already. This just adds to the mix.

The real challenge is how the group handles the matter. If they put their collective heads in the sand then nothing much good happens. If they face the issue head on and talk it out chances are good that no lasting damage will develop. Even then the ‘intervention’ may not work if the person feeling hurt is not ready for the interaction.

What to do? Here are some suggestions:

1. Take a time out; let feelings settle and cool.
2. Create a journal of each person’s feelings surrounding the issue at hand.

                                                              i.      Have each person first identify what they think the issue is that started the hurt

                                                            ii.      Each person writes simple statements of what they felt about the issue identified and why they feel the way they do about it

                                                          iii.      Any comments not dealing with the issue directly are edited out by group consensus

                                                          iv.      Discuss the feelings of each person per the assignment in a room neutral to the group’s work

3. Set another time out to let feelings settle and cool
4. Meet again in a neutral site to discuss each person’s conclusions based on the writings, reaction writings, and discussion. Also:

                                                              i.      Take a reading of the group’s feeling about the issue now; is there consensus? Is there anyone bummed out by the consensus? Remember, consensus is not 100% agreement, but general agreement on the issue so that the group can go forward without hurt feelings and muddled understanding of the issues.

                                                            ii.      Identify how the consensus can now be used to move forward:

1.      What decisions need to be made?

2.      What tasks need to be accomplished?

3.      What apologies or peace making actions need to be offered? And by whom?

Some group members will not want to do any of the above. They may harbor a resentment that blocks honest evaluation of the situation. Honest humility of the participants may not be universally present by group members.

Some individuals don’t want to follow anyone’s idea in settling the problem. They wish to define the solution. If so the problem will most likely continue.

There is a caution to be observed: All group members need to understand that the group may not survive the problem. Solutions require honesty, humility and a sense of compromise. If these are not possible, trust and interdependence may have been destroyed. All members need to understand this going into the process. Not to address the problem or not to compromise must lead to the demise of the group. It is a simple conclusion. Sad but true.

Knowing this possible outcome each person needs to be willing to make sacrifices in order to safeguard the group’s forward momentum and healthy operation.

July 23, 2013