Caring & Wanting

A test of our sensibility – what do we care about? Or what do we want? Are they different or the same? Are they even on the same planet?

Here’s something found on the internet the other day:

            “I want – I want – I want…

             Every day you hear people saying what they want. Well this is what I want:

                        I want people who are sick to be healed.

                        I want children with no families to be adopted.

                        I want people to never have to worry about food and shelter and heat.

                        Most of all, I would like to see our people start to care for one another.

             Now, let’s see how many people re-post this.”

                                                            ~Anonymous

My kids continue to ask what I want for Christmas or for my birthday. My most common reply is: “Peace on earth and Goodwill toward all men.” They groan like all kids do when faced with parental subtlety! Trouble is, this is what I really want. I don’t need another tie or pair of socks. I don’t really need a really big meal out. Although all of those things are very nice and pleasant, I don’t really need them. Therefore I don’t truly want them.

What I want is people being kind to one another, less strife among friends, family and work associates. I really want collaborative relationships that produce good results rather than bones of contention among more people. I really want people to care about each other rather than self.

Early in life we each needed food, shelter, clothing and other basics of life - true basics of life, not luxuries. Later, when we had more material wealth, we sought things of distinction – aura, reputation, status, influence, power – that ‘something’ that set us apart from one another.

Eventually – much later in life – we came to realize that material things were of less and less value to us personally. We would rather have time to smell the aromas of nature, the soft breezes through the hair or on the face, the warm rays of sunshine radiating on our skin, the sound of kids giggling on the lawn, or the vision of a dog lovingly staring at its owner. These are the things of ‘feel good life’. They are rare to realize but common in our life. We just don’t see them readily. They are, however, the things that matter the most to us.

The hierarchy of needs is part of this need-want dimension. Once satisfied the hierarchy disappears in favor of things much more important.

I was in a meeting the other day and one of the attendees railed on at another attendee. All were uncomfortable. Each wondered what she meant. Who was she mad at, and why? Did it matter? Was their an honest struggle to understand one another and come to grips with core issues? No; none of that because the person simply wasn't speaking from a point that was understandable by the group. So strife was the result. And misunderstanding. And no help from her to explain what had happened.

The result of that meeting is destruction of relationship. The effort to build something worthwhile, understandable and shared but not pursued. The opposite was. Gamesmanship? Who knows? Mental snap of the moment in which the speaker didn't fully understand what she was saying or doing? Maybe. Who really will know the answers to these questions. Not I!

A daily happenstance. We see it on the streets and highways as well. Someone takes offense at a roadway maneuver and shows their irritation. Road rage could result from this and often does.

Do we really work at doing the right thing? Do we care that we are spending our time fruitfully?  Are we caring or are we selfishly wanting?

I think we need to spend some time working on this. In fact, I want this!  Kids, are you listening?

September 10, 2013